Random Musings...
Friday, April 30, 2004
- It hasn't rained in weeks, and now it decides to storm, just in time for my drive up to NC. Most of my drive is in the red areas! Yuck! That's no fun.
I'm out of here at 10:30. I can't wait! This weekend is going to be a blast! Lake Norman, a wedding, and a four day old baby. Doesn't get much better! :)
Posted at 8:39 AM
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Thursday, April 29, 2004
- Ugh! Well, it looks like I'm going to survive today. It has been a very frustrating day. Thank goodness I only have to put up with two and a half hours of this tomorrow before heading out to good ol' NC for Laura and Jason's wedding. Right now, though, all I'm thinking about is Sunday when I get to see Jennifer and Mike with their little Colby!!
Posted at 4:48 PM
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- Happy John-Stevens-Finally-Got-Booted-from-American-Idol Day!
I kept thinking all day yesterday about Jennifer having her baby, and it seems so amazing to me. I can't imagine anything bigger than that experience. Bringing a new life onto this planet who is a part of you that you must care for and raise. Thinking about how huge that is makes me realize how much my parents love me and how much they gave for me. It's just amazing to me how most people on this planet go through this experience. More amazing to me is that so many people go through this experience and still can do horrible things. If I brought a beautiful, helpless baby into this world, I'd feel like I had to make sure this world was as good as possible. I'd feel horrible about bringing such innocence into an unpure environment. And yet, there is child abuse and neglect. I can't imagine it. I really can't.
My parents called me one day to tell me about a horrible story that happened to my brother. He stopped somewhere on his way home from school to pump gas or get something at the grocery store or something. Anyway, these two guys walked up to him and asked him to come check out a stereo they had in their car. My brother went with them! I can't believe he actually went with them! So they're showing off this amazing stereo to him and they say that they will sell it to him for $500 when it's really a $2000 system. My brother informed them that he did not have $500, so they told him that he should go to an ATM. And he did! Anyway, nothing happened to him, THANK GOD, and they didn't even steal any more money from him when he was at the ATM. And fortunately, the stereo itself was not stolen from anywhere. It was a defective stereo from the factory that is perfectly legal to sell, just not in the way it was sold to him. The only crime these guys committed was peddling. But anyway, my brother was humiliated when he realized what had happened. I mean, totally humiliated.
It just broke my heart to have him experience this loss of innocence. He did not even think of the possibility that he could be kidnapped, help up at gun point, shot, stabbed, robbed, etc., etc., and he did not think that people out there would want to trick him. It just made me so mad that he has to live in this world with the rest of these people. That's how I think I would feel about my kids. I'll feel almost guilty that I have to explain to them not to talk to strangers, not to trust people, and to be careful of their safety because they do not know why people would be out to get them. It seems so tragic, doesn't it? It seems so tragic that my babies will be born into a world where people fly airplanes into buildings, shoot at each other if they speak different languages, turn their backs on people who look different, and try to take what belongs to others. It seems so sad that they have to learn about all these things like they have to learn to talk and walk.
And on a different scale, it makes me mad that we have a handful of people in this world who are playing with everyone else's lives. There are a few people who have their fingers on a button that can wipe out people who have nothing to do with them, or even babies and children who didn't know the button existed. It makes me mad that wars I don't understand are being waged by people I've never met, and this makes me somehow a participant and possible target. I can't believe that this group of people feel like they should control the world I live in, and the world my brother lives in, and the world Jennifer's new baby lives in. It's sickening. Who are these people?
God, I'm in a tragic mood today, aren't I? I shouldn't be. A new life came into the world yesterday to two wonderful parents. I'm going to a wedding in two days of two people who have found happiness in each other. I wake up every morning next to the most incredible man I've ever met. I had a "just because" message on my machine from my family when I got home yesterday. I got two emails from friends I spent a few hours with this week thanking me for a good time. There is so much good in the world, so much love, and so many people that move on and move forward in that love. The fact that these things happen, and that they happen to people everywhere everyday, is amazing when you think about all the explosions and buttons and child abuse and neglect that goes on around us. There are so many different realities of this world, and it's hard to remember that all of these things go on at the same time on the same earth. It's amazing the extremes we are capable of. I guess all I can do is keep the love in my world alive. Not take my family for granted, not take my friends for granted, not take my husband for granted, and that's the world I want to bring my baby into.
Posted at 9:04 AM
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Wednesday, April 28, 2004
- There is a man here who is exactly 80 years old. He has been taking dance classes with us here at the University of Florida. He decided he wanted to be a ballet dancer. That sounds really cute and cool....but honestly...the man is a nut. Oh my God. I want to run away every time he comes into the office, which is only like once a semester, fortunately. But seriously, it sounds cute, but he comes in and talks your ear off about strange things. The man is senile, so I guess I should be patient with him, but he's very demanding of your attention. I've heard over and over his story about how he wants to find himself a beautiful ballerina and dance around the world with her. I mean, it's a little creepy. He goes around asking everyone who works here, non-dance professors and non-staff included, all these questions that have nothing to do with us. Like financial questions that he should take to the financial office. When I tell him this, he thinks that I'm lying to him or something, so then he'll walk over to the playwriting professor and ask him about his fees for his credit hours. I mean, the man is senile, crazy, and frustrating as hell. He has been in the office for about an hour and a half at this point. I seriously should find some sort of errand to run next time he walks into my office. He really weirds me out.
Posted at 4:15 PM
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- The most hilarious thing. Ever.
People kept talking about it the office, and finally, Jay had a link! WOW!
Posted at 2:20 PM
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- Colby Grace Speth, born April 28, 2004 around 11am. 5lbs., 9oz., 18 inches. :) I'm so very, very, very happy!
Posted at 1:46 PM
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- GIRL!!!!!!!!!!
Posted at 11:06 AM
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- Oh wow. This makes me so nostalgic! Photography of my college campus at night. These bring back memories for sure of all the thousands of times I walked around campus in the middle of the night after hours of studying...or hours of procrastinating on the studying.
Posted at 9:08 AM
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- I had a great time last night meeting some girls at Happy Hour. I've never really done that, and we had such a good time. I only meant to be there for an hour or so, but I didn't get home until after 8:30pm! I had such a blast! They're all so cute, and I looked like I just woke up. I didn't even bother with my contacts yesterday. I had to apologize to all of them, and I will definitely be cuter next time! :)
Today is the day Jennifer gives birth to little Colby!! Will it be a boy or a girl?? Wish her luck!!
Posted at 8:29 AM
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Tuesday, April 27, 2004
- Oh good Lord. I've been talking about my wedding all day on Nancies. It was just so wonderful. It really was my dream wedding. I wish I could relive it. I'm going to have to pop in the video tonight!
Posted at 2:39 PM
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- 24 Hour News Channels suck. You'd think that since they have so much more time to cover news that they'd cover more news. No, they don't. The cover the same old news over and over. They have really become nothing more than informative entertainment. It disgusts me to watch them sometimes. When Fox News came out, I thought they were so awful and thought CNN much better. CNN instead in the same direction as Fox News. Not that CNN was prefect before, but it has become just so pop and fluffy. I can't stand it. I now only get my news from NPR. They cover things that I've only seen on the bottom tickers on the TV news channels. Things like the ethnic cleansing going on in Sudan right now. The elections in Russia. These are big deals that CNN and Fox News just glaze over because they don't generate ratings like Bombs Over Baghdad do. Of course I need to hear about the war in Iraq, but I can only hear about the same thing so many times. Yes, it should be the top news story. Absolutely it should. But really, it's not the only thing going on in the world. If we claim to be liberating the people of Iraq because Americans are compassionate people who love democracy, why is Sudan only on the bottom tickers? Why are the organized murders of thousands of people just a footnote? Does it not provide very important context to what is going on with our foreign policy? I'm just through with stupid TV News. I watch when I'm interested in seeing what something looked like. Other than that, I'm just sick of it.
So yes, I'm an NPR fan. Go NPR. More stories, more background, more context, and in less time that Fox takes to cover one explosion, it seems.
Posted at 9:45 AM
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Monday, April 26, 2004
- My department screws up yet again. Apparently, no one told the first year grads that they were getting teaching assignments this summer until I just sent out an email giving them the times and locations. They all have already made summer plans. Wow. They are NOT happy.
Posted at 4:55 PM
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- I got a new one just now: Rosiblia
Posted at 2:31 PM
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- I just got the most disturbing email of my life. I nearly threw up. If you are feeling extremely bold, click here. Don't drink and drive.
Posted at 11:42 AM
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- Well, I think I'm over whatever minor illness I had last week, but I spent all yesterday nauseous. I guess I'm going back into hypochondriac mode or something. I suck.
I had a pretty good weekend. Saturday morning I had rehearsal for the movie. The director had nothing but great things to say about me, but of course, my role is so tiny that I'd have to be just plain bad in order to screw it up. I have so few lines that I had them memorized by the second run. In order: "Hi," "You should be! You've been driving eight hours straight," "Sure Johnny, go ahead," "If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go wash my face," "Awfully quiet in here," "Hi, I'm Ellie," "Nice to meet you," "Yes dear, just be careful," "Ok, I guess I'll have to get it," "Time to say goodnight," "Yes dear, of course." There you go. My first national television appearance! Eh, I'm fine with it, really. Sure it would have been cool to have a breakthrough role, but considering this role fell from the sky and onto my lap, I'm pretty darn excited. My first shoot date is next Saturday.
Saturday night, we went with another couple to an Indian restaurant down in Ocala about 45 minutes away. It was well worth the trip. YUM! I stuffed my face. It was so good I can't wait to go again!
Andrew was busy most of the day yesterday. He had some testing cases from 11am to 4pm. I went out with Amy to see 13 Going on 30 while he was out. It was a really cute movie. Really goofy, predictable, etc, but fun. For all the second half, it was really unconvincing that it was a 13 year old inside the 30 year old, but whatever. If you can't look past that, you aren't going to enjoy any other part of the movie either.
Then, spur of the moment, she let me know that she was planning to see a classical piano concert (given by Andre Watts) while her boyfriend Dan and Andrew got together to study. So, I tagged along. It was lovely. I really enjoy this kind of music. Certain pieces just whisked me away. It's weird when music does that to you. Like some notes seem to strike deep inside and provoke something.
This morning, as soon as I unlocked the door to my office, my phone was ringing. It was Andrew. "COME HOME IMMEDIATELY!" It freaked me out! Turns out he had locked himself out and a final exam at 9am! I had to run back to the parking lot (far parking lot of course!) and zoom home. Poor guy was just sitting there on the sidewalk with Lucky in his junk clothes and hadn't even showered yet! I unlocked the door, and then turned right around to come back here!
Posted at 10:46 AM
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Friday, April 23, 2004
- But low-rise are the only jeans that fit my ass!! I won't be allowed in the state of Lousiana, I suppose. Flashing boobs is still fine, though, I'm guessing.
Posted at 1:54 PM
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- Damn. Just when I thought we must have the nicest townhouse in the neighborhood, I go and find this. We HAVE to redo our kitchen. That one looks so much nicer than ours!!
Posted at 1:47 PM
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- My chinese food that I got last night has a very strange aftertaste. Very weird. I keep "repeating" it too. Ick. I'm not happy. I guess I'm going to have to throw it all out. :(
I want to go home!!!!!
Posted at 1:28 PM
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- I'm at work. Sick. Double Bleh.........
Posted at 11:25 AM
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- I'm home. Sick. Bleh...........
Like the idiot that I am, though, I think I'm heading into work in a few.
Posted at 10:07 AM
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Thursday, April 22, 2004
- It just took us over a dozen emails back and forth for my friends and I decide on the next Saturday night we all have free to get together. Pretty funny. May 22...yes, that is a month from now! When did life get so complicated?? I miss the days of just knocking on someone's door to see what's up.
Posted at 3:41 PM
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- 3 Questions from Cori...
1. What do you think your life would be like if you had never met Andrew?
If I had not met Andrew, I would be doing one of two things. If I had been gutsy, I would have moved with my friend Sheila up to NYC and tried to make a go of my acting. If I had played it safe, I would have moved back in with my parents down in Orlando and gotten a job in TV or movie production at Universal Studios. I'm very certain I would be doing one of those two things.
2. Think of someplace that you have never visited before. Of those places where would you choose to live and why?
I would live in San Francisco, I guess. It's seems cosmopolitan and sophisticated, but still has the laid back California attitude. I don't think I'd be able to AFFORD to live there, though!
3. Pick an ex boyfriend. Pretend you married him. What would your life be like?
Hmm...interesting question. If I had married Will, I suppose I would have followed him for his PhD as well. He is studying marine biology in Santa Barbara, which sounds exciting. Except he's not into dolphins or whales or any of those cool marine animals. His area is algae and crap like that. It wouldn't be something I could really share very much. I might enjoy living in California, but I'd be far from everyone, unlike here. I wouldn't get along well with his family, and I think that eventually I'd get bored with Will. He was a nice guy, we were too different. We would have both wanted someone to share our interests more fully. He probably would have cheated on me (again) with some other science girl since they would spend every day together in their bathing suits. I don't think we would have lasted more than 3-5 years.
Posted at 2:32 PM
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- I knew something was up last night on American Idol when they were being so weird with George Huff. As soon as they were being cryptic about which group he was going to, I knew it was going to be backward. (By the way, they totally suck by putting him on the spot like that and having to choose a side! I'd be pissed if I were him.) I did not like Jennifer Hudson for a long time, but she was definitely growing on me. How the hell is John Stevens still there?? What utter crap. The only positive thing about yesterday's episode is how everyone on the show was reprimanding the people who are voting for the people who suck.
Oh, and Barry Manilow...I wanted to scream!! I know that these celebrities appear on the show for PR and all that, but did he really have to perform his own song from his upcoming CD and have everyone sing back up to him. What a bastard. I don't think I've ever seen that before. It made me hate him even more than I already did. If I ever put on a concert, I'll be sure to hand everyone little flashy lights so that they are tricked into thinking they loved the song, when really they just liked playing with the lights.
I still feel sickly. I wouldn't have come in today if I didn't have to create the catalog for the New York Showcase. This is that trip that the department does for the students and alumni where you get to do a mass audition in front of 50+ agents. It's an incredible opportunity. I asked if I could go last year, and they laughed at me. I wish I could have laughed when they told me I had to get this brochure done by tomorrow when I didn't get the headshots until yesterday. Stupid.
Posted at 8:26 AM
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Wednesday, April 21, 2004
- Apparently today is Administrative Assistants Day. I'm hearing wonderous tales of offices all over campus being showered with flowers, gift certificates, free lunches, etc. Ask me what I get. More shit.
Posted at 2:12 PM
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- Green flash at sunset explanation and pictures (1, 2)
Posted at 10:45 AM
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- Bleh. I feel sick today. It all came on very suddenly last night at a very...inappropriate moment. It was so weird. I might go home if this keeps up.
Today is the last day of classes. Thank God! Finals will still be going on all of next week, but then after that, SUMMER!! Of course, UF has summer semesters as well, but most of the professors from our department are gone, which means less students in my hair as well. It's not easier work-wise, but it's much easier sanity-wise. I'm excited.
Posted at 9:29 AM
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Tuesday, April 20, 2004
- Ok, I got a little verbose with my response to the three questions, thing, so I'm going to post it out here.
Courtesy of Erin:
1. If you could go back in time & there was 1 thing you could change about your past... something you said, did, whatever... what would it be, if anything?
One thing I would change? I guess it might have to be to change what I did one night in college to break a boy's heart. He and I dated casually and had all sorts of pent up feelings for each other that seemed ready to explode at any minute. The night he finally let go and said everything he felt about me, he began kissing me with about 100 people watching. It was like something out of a movie where the guy gets all weepy finally professing his love. Some girls pulled me away and told me to stay away from him because he had a bad reputation. I had known him for well over a year at this point, and he had been nothing but genuine with me. I don't know why, I guess it was because I was a bit intoxicated, but I gave into those girls, which broke his heart because it meant I didn't trust him after everything we had shared. I obviously don't think he was "the one," but I do wish I had handled that situation differently. He had been so wonderful to me for so long. I hate that I hurt him...and hurt him so publicly. I've never been able to shake that.
2. If you could have any job in the world, what would it be?
Professional actress, hands down. Hollywood, New York, I don't care. I'd just love to reach a small level of success where I could consistently work doing what I love doing without having to sacrifice my personal life.
3. What is your favorite simple memory?
My favorite simple memory is watching the sunsets with my grandfather from his house in Puerto Rico. He said that sometimes, when the weather was just right, the very last second before the sun disappeared into the water you would see a flash of green. I remember the first time I saw it, after not believing him for so long. The day of his funeral, the entire family gathered to watch the sunset from the house.
Posted at 4:41 PM
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- Idea taken from other people's blogs...
I want everyone to ask me 3 questions, no more no less.
Ask me anything you want and I will answer it.
Then, go to your journal, copy and paste this and allow your friends (including myself) to ask you anything.
Posted at 1:49 PM
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- I found out that the College of Fine Arts is going to create a new position for a full-time publicity person to cover the entire college, which includes us, obviously. I'm thinking that I should let my boss know that I would be interested in applying for the position. My hope is that he would endorse me for the job, but I'm also worried that he won't want to deal with finding someone to take over my job and instead let the College know that he wants to retain me here. I'm very unsure. I'm nervous, but this is an incredible opportunity. I'd be growing within the same organization, moving up from being secretary of the Department of Theatre and Dance to head of Public Relations for the College of Fine Arts. That would be incredible. Of course, I could see them putting requirements in like 5 years of experience, master's degree, blah, blah, blah. But really, I am at an advantage that I am already intimately familiar with the needs of this department, I know everyone who works in the main office of the College of Fine Arts, and have had some contact with pretty much every other department within the college. Since they're creating a new position, I am at an advantage because I already have an idea of what they need. Someone who has not worked here would enter blindly, having to find out everything about every department and figure things out from there. Of course, why would they trust a dinky receptionist for such a big task, just because she had an internship once in college? RRrrrrrr! I think I have to go for this. They can't get angry at me for asking, right?? I mean, it's not like I'd be telling them I wanted to leave this place altogether (which is what I had been hoping to do up until this point!).
Posted at 8:51 AM
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Monday, April 19, 2004
- I feel desperate. I'm sitting here and feeling desperate. Like I should be getting up, walking out, and doing something. Thing is, I have no idea what. What is my ticket to walking out this door for the last time? I feel anxious, like I'm running late. My heart is beating hard and everything. I don't know what to do.
Posted at 1:23 PM
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- I had a wonderful weekend. Andrew and I stayed in and watched Fargo on Friday night. I actually thought it was great. People scared me by telling me how violent it was. Yeah, it was, but I didn't think it was extraordinarily so. Plus, it was funny as hell. I liked it.
We spent all saturday cleaning and preparing for our very first dinner party. It was a hit! Everyone was raving about my food, which made me feel pretty happy! After dinner, we played Texas Hold 'Em, a kind of poker. I had never played before, but I loved it! So much fun. I was the second one to go broke out of the six of us, but I still loved it. Everyone had a great time, I think, and in the end, all of them said they wanted to make this a tradition and rotate hosting. I think they're sincere too. I'm very happy that it all worked out so well.
Yesterday was pretty low key. We cleaned up from the party, I did some laundry, and things like that. Last night I fell into another fit of depression over my whole job/future situation. I had this horrible thought that what if I were to die tomorrow? I realized what a waste my life would have been. I'm just burning time for my "real life" to begin. What am I waiting for?? I need to make something happen. I just do. I know I've been trying and trying forever, but I have to make something work. Something has to happen to make me feel like I'm living my life right now. I didn't think of it last night, but it's exactly like DMB's You Never Know:
...There's not a moment to lose in the game
Don't let the troubles in your head
Steal too much time you'll soon be dead
So play
All fall down
It won't be so long now
Out of the darkness comes light like a flash
You think you can you think you can
Sometimes that is the problem
Dream little darling dream
Spinning on the wind
The leaf fell from the limb
But everyday should be a good day to die
Oh all fall down
It won't be too long now
Every fire dies
I find it hard to explain how I got here
I think I can I think I can
Then again I will falter
Dream little darling dream
Spinning on the wind
The leaf fell from the limb
It's a very inspiring song, and Dave always makes me feel inspired. The song I was thinking about last night was Dancing Nancies because I watched the DVD of the Rochester show I went to. He did this funny intro to it where he sings from the point of view of a homeless man. "I had big dreams, big plans," he sneers and eventually goes into the familiar could-I-have-beens. It hit me that this intro he did that night (and has done several times), is his own personal "could I have been." He has said in several interviews that if he hadn't been successful in his music that he would probably just be a dirty bum. It was like a small little light bulb went off in my head that he is singing about the opposite side of his coin. It would be what he'd be singing at that moment had he not been singing in front of tens of thousands of adoring fans. It made me wonder if I have another side to my coin. My "big dreams, big plans" aren't as big as Dave's, but they're much bigger than this now. Do I really need to waiting a quarter of a century into my life for my life to begin??
It's so frustrating to feel like my feet are stuck to the ground, but don't I owe it to myself to try and be better? When I was a kid, I had so much potential. I won all the awards, I aced every test, I could be anything I wanted to be. Then something in me changed and I stopped caring. Is that same spirit I had as a little girl still in there somewhere? I cry when I think how disappointed my 10 year old self would be to see me now. I have to believe that everything I have done was supposed to amount to something. I have to make that something work.
I hope all of this isn't just me blabbing on and on with no action. I really need to change things. I vacillate so much between wanting to leave and being satisfied with where I am. I should not be satisfied where I am. I have to push forward. I have to figure out how.
Posted at 9:32 AM
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Friday, April 16, 2004
- Weird. Very, very weird. Just tell him to do something, and he will.
Posted at 3:32 PM
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- I've been singing the Apprentice theme song in my head all day long.
Moneymoneymoney.....money......
Last weekend, I had Rocket Man stuck in my head. Actually, it lasted way past the weekend. I was constantly singing that song in my head for days! I blame American Idol.
Andrew and I are watching Fargo tonight. We borrowed it from one of the couples who is coming over tomorrow night all the way back in January! I can't believe it's taken this long to return it. So, we definitely want to be able to return it tomorrow and say that we had watched it while we had it all this time! I've heard Fargo is great, but very gross, so I'm a bit nervous. Hopefully I'll be able to take it.
I feel silly for how excited I am about tomorrow's dinner party. I hope everything works out nicely. I keep planning out my day in my head. Grocery store is the first thing, then housecleaning. I keep thinking of how I'm going to set the table. Should I light candles on the table? Should I use the nice pewter trays? Or should I keep things casual? Hmmm. Decisions, decisions. Mainly, I just hope no one is bored tomorrow! We should probably go out and buy some fun games. I only have Monopoly and Trivial Pursuit. Not exactly the most conducive for parties. So much to think about! ...But I love it!
Posted at 2:59 PM
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Posted at 10:44 AM
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- An exciting night of television last night. JPL is gone from American Idol, and Bill is the new apprentice. Sucks that the highlights of my day are when stuff happens to people I've never met. But hey, it was live TV!
It's 9am, and I'm already ready for lunch. It's going to be a loooooong day.
Posted at 9:06 AM
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Thursday, April 15, 2004
Posted at 4:03 PM
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- I need to win the lottery. Seriously. All I want is to quit my job, do acting gigs here and there, have babies, eat well, volunteer, and travel the world. What a wonderful life that would be.
Posted at 3:43 PM
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- I flip flop so much. I hate this. I was so gung ho about this business idea just a little bit ago, and now I'm being defeatist. I'm thinking there's no way I'll be able to sell the kind of volume to make a livable profit. I'm thinking there's no way that I'll be able to get a better price from a manufacturer than the huge producers do. I'm thinking that this whole wallpaper idea is stupid. I don't even own wallpaper myself.
I want to cry.
Posted at 1:43 PM
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- I've researched a bunch of wallpaper manufacturers that will print your designs in bulk for retail. I guess I should start calling them to get quotes, or maybe I should come up with designs first in order to get an accurate quote. I don't know, I'm thinking this may be a possibility for a business. I'm unsure how lucrative it will be, exactly. I'll have to compare the quotes from the manufacturers against the current going prices for wallpaper to see if I can make a decent enough profit margin. Or something. I think. I don't know, I know nothing about starting a business, but I guess my parents know plenty about it. I'll have to consult them.
If it does turn out to be a decent income, I can imagine it'd be pretty fun to basically just doodle for a living. Whenever I create something good, off to the presses. The most difficult part will be the marketing. How do I get a bunch of people to buy off some girl working out of a condo? Internet and travelling to retailers in the area are the best ways I can think of to start. If I get enough money, I guess I could start mailing catalogs to retailers further out. Who knows. There are a whole bunch of logistics to work out, but damn it, I think this could work. I can't imagine how much more satisfying it would be to work for yourself, rather than some other bozo above you.
Wallpaper doesn't have to be the only thing I'm selling. I could sell any number of accessories around my art, including just the art itself. But I could make all sorts of things if it takes off. We'll see. If the investment is not too huge to get this thing off the ground, I'm going for it.
Posted at 12:10 PM
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- If I could be anywhere right now, I would be here:
Posted at 9:14 AM
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- Tomorrow is Friday. Happy thought. Every Monday, I can't imagine how I'm going to last until Friday afternoon. Every night this week, I have contemplated feigning illness the following morning to get out of work. But every morning I get up anyway and come to this place. Don't know why. But somehow, I make it out alive every afternoon.
I realized yesterday that I let a job application deadline slip. I would have been interested in that. It's kind of upsetting. I hope something else pops up soon. I feel like I'm throwing out resumes into the dark. You aren't allowed to contact the departments you've applied to if it's a UF job. They just let you know that they've received it and that's that. Very frustrating. Something has to work eventually, right??
Posted at 9:06 AM
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Wednesday, April 14, 2004
- A post in Luciana's blog got me thinking about two past friendships...
Grey was one of my best friends throughout most of high school. She could make me laugh like no one else could. I mean true side-splitting, wiping away tears, red faced laughing. She lived closest to me, so we would get together and spend the night in each other's houses all of the time. She and I had so much fun, but there was a part of her that always scared me. She had this dark, angry side of her that she would let loose every now and then. She would smash things, scream, and just get so mad. I put up with it, but that part always worried me about her.
The darker side of her started to get larger and larger when she started working and making friends with some bad element there at work. For a long time, she didn't want me to meet them. she split her time in half, so I saw her less. At first, I was very jealous of these other friends and felt resentful that she was cutting me out. I then let her know that I missed hanging out with her, so I was willing to hang out and meet her friends too. Little did I know what I was getting myself into. The clearest example of her bad element friends was a skinhead. I don't know what part of her was ok with being friends with a Puerto Rican and a skinhead, but I can see why she didn't want to mix the two sides. The first and only time I went out with him, there was a group of loud Puerto Rican guys next to us, and he said to the group of us, not knowing my background, "Damn spiks should all be killed." That was when I told her that it was probably not such a good idea that I hang out with that group of friends. So, predictably, I saw her less and less. When I did see her, she would inform me of her new drug experiences, experiences with boys, etc. It was just so opposite from the girl I had become friends with. We had been so goofy and carefree together before. I think she chalked it up to being older and more worldly, but I knew that it was a very unhealthy road she was headed down. She went from being a straight A National Merit Scholar with over a 1500 on her SAT to getting Ds in some classes. When she applied to colleges, she wrote her essay on how her problems at home were leading to her bad grades. I just couldn't stand by and watch anymore. I told her how I felt, but she wouldn't listen. I just had to break it off. I cut her off. When she tried to make plans with me, I would come up with excuses. At school, I would cut our conversations short. I felt so horribly guilty about it all. For years I felt very guilty of it. Maybe I should have tried harder to "save" her? Maybe I should have stuck by her anyway? Looking back, I know both of those would have been impossible. I made the right choice distancing myself from her.
I still thought of her all of the time, even though the last time I saw her was our high school graduation. Finally, toward the end of my senior year of college, I decided to look her up and write to her. See how she was doing. She seemed to be ok. I'm guessing that she cleaned up somewhat in college. In true Grey form, she aced the LSATs, so she was thinking that maybe she should be a lawyer. She was dating a computer guy. She said she worked out every day because she wanted to be a "powerhouse." She sounded fine. I told her that I was graduating as a theatre major and that I was engaged to be married that summer. The whole exchange wasn't totally personal, but it was nice. It was nice to know that she was out there, doing things. It was nice to know that she remembered me and wasn't too mad at me to respond. It was like a neat tying up of loose ends. I don't think that I'll ever get in contact with her again. It was like closing a chapter of my life.
Then there was Jennifer in college. She was another one that could just make me laugh. She and I were inseperable. We were the two theatre roommates who always got cast in the shows. She was very intelligent too, like Grey. She was at Davidson on scholarship for her writing abilities. She was wonderful, talented, beautiful, everything you could want. She went abroad for a semester, and I missed her so much. When she came back, we went out to party. She ended up getting the most severe case of alcohol poisoning I had ever seen. She passed out in the bathroom of the Outpost, the all-night grill on campus. Right outside eating a quesadilla was the Dean of Students. There was no way I could carry her out of there. When I noticed that she had soiled her pants and everything, I knew she was slipping, so I had no choice but to call for an ambulance. As the paramedics put her on the stretcher, she came to and started calling my name at the top of her lungs. The guys let me ride in the ambulance with them to the hospital. I stayed with her all night. ALL NIGHT. I was shocked the night came to this kind of end, but I wasn't upset with her. Unfortunately, there was quite a bit of fallout from the whole episode, especially since the Dean of all people had front row seats to the spectacle. She received reprimand from the school and was put on probation. Her parents were notified. Our eating house (pseudo-sorority) had to be dry for the rest of the year since she got drunk there. It was bad.
Shortly after that, she started dating this super boring guy. I mean, the kind of guy whose voice is even so monotone and depressing that it makes you depressed to talk to him. He was a "Christian," and while she was dealing with all of the repercussions of that night, he told her that she was going down a bad path. It's no doubt that that kind of episode should make you reconsider your actions, but he took her through a 180 in every single aspect of her life. She let herself be influenced by this guy. He hated all of her friends, although supposedly he thought I was "ok." I don't know. She hardly would hang out with the rest of us, even though we all lived in an apartment together. At first I missed her, until I eventually realized that she was full out avoiding us, not just preferring to be elsewhere. I got very pissed at this, after I had been there for her through thick and thin.
One night, I heard her come home and start wailing in her room. I have never heard crying that hard in my life. Actually, I had never even seen her shed a single tear in all the years I had been friends with her. When she came out hours later, I asked her what happened. She didn't want to get into it. Eventually, she let us know that her boyfriend had threatened the guy who started dating his ex-girlfriend. He was so jealous of seeing her with another guy that he actually threatened violence against him. Jennifer was witness to the whole thing. He said that he still loved his ex-girlfriend, and she shouldn't expect him not to. Obviously, this is a horribly upsetting thing to hear. For some crazy, crazy reason, she stuck with him. He had this horrible control over her. His exgirlfriend told her us side of the story and told us that he was very intimidating and played mind games. She said that he was the kind to threaten suicide if she broke up with him. Apparently, he pulled this stunt with Jennifer too. I mean, the guy was just absolutely no good.
So, I decided to be a good friend. Be the same friend who sat in a chair in a hospital room rubbing her back for nine hours. I told her that I didn't think she was happy. I told her that I felt that this guy was not giving her the kind of love she deserved. She came up with excuse after excuse. I told her that I missed her. She told me, "People change." It broke my heart. It broke my heart worse than any boy ever had. It broke my heart worse than the lies my first boyfriend spread about me, and it hurt worse than the boyfriend who cheated on me and left me for the other girl. This was the most pain anyone has ever inflicted on me.
Forever, we had been talking about her being my maid-of-honor at my wedding. I still held out hope that maybe with the end of the school year and an open summer that she might find the opportunity to at least come to my wedding. After all, she had seen the very beginnings of my relationship with Andrew from the very beginning. She helped it along in many ways. I asked her personally if she would come. She told me she would if she could afford to come down to Florida. I handed her the formal invitation. Out of all 300 invitations I sent out and handed to people, only one RSVP card never came back: hers. After graduation, I never heard from her again. Not even an email to wish me a happy wedding, happy life. Nothing. No word from her. Is it that she couldn't afford it? A month later she went to a wedding in Tennessee of her boyfriend's friends who I also knew. So, that's that.
I still can't even think of her without getting upset. I don't know that I ever will be able to. I've never been so hurt by someone. I heard that she is teaching high school in Charlotte. Spanish, of all things. I never heard her speak a word of Spanish. You'd think I'd know if my college roommate spoke a lick of Spanish! I guess that's part of her new life too.
Ok, that's enough of my ramblings. Just got me thinking is all.
Posted at 4:44 PM
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- I called my friend Jennifer last night, who is super, super pregnant and due any minute. Actually, she has been in labor for over a week now, but she has been on meds to supress the contractions since the baby would be way early. Well, she was doing great last night, but after chatting for about 15 minutes, she had to hang up very quickly because something was going on with her niece. She was hyperventilating or something. Well, I just received an email from her to let me know that as soon as she hung up with me, she fell flat on her belly and ended up in the hospital all night!! Very, very scary stuff. They released her and think she and the baby are probably ok, but she is not feeling very well, understandably. Poor girl. She has had it so rough. I hope that the baby comes out beautiful and healthy so that all these troubles will fade away! Please pray for her, and if you know her, drop her a line to let her know you're thinking of her.
Posted at 11:18 AM
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- I found out where I'm sitting for the DMB show in Tampa. Section 105, Row N. Not terrible, I suppose. I was just hoping for some kickass seats since I was bringing Bobby along. Plus, I haven't gotten amazing seats since 1999, so I was hoping I was due. But yes, they are decent (26th row), and I know we'll have a great time!
I invited some friends over for a dinner party on Saturday. Just two other couples. Hopefully all will turn out well. My planned menu: Barbeque chicken, corn on the cob, plantains, salad, and rolls. Not sure what to do for dessert, but maybe they'll bring it. I'm also trying to see if I can find this great thing my cousin Jennifer has. It's this bucket from On The Border that makes Margaritas somehow. You just dump the margarita mix with a bottle of tequila, stick the bucket in ice, and you have a nice, slushy margarita. She got it in Iowa, and I'm hoping the On The Border down here sells those. It would be perfect to have a cool mixed drink without having to worry about being at the noisy and messy blender all night. My grandmother gave me these cool margarita glasses for Christmas which I have yet to use, so I'd love to show those off! It's so much work to set up a party, but I love doing it anyway.
Posted at 8:31 AM
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Tuesday, April 13, 2004
- Why do companies have recordings call to make their telemarketing calls? It's even easier to hang up on them. Moreover, why do these cheerful, robotic voices insist on giving themselves a name? I just got one here at work; "Hi! This is Amanda calling from..." *click*
I was given the task of researching what shows to see when we are in New York for my birthday. I already got us tickets for Movin' Out, the Billy Joel musical which I heard was fantastic. I want to see an off-Broadway show as well, and narrowed it down to five options:
JUMPERS by Tom Stoppard (Comedy)
Synopsis: George Moore, a professor of philosophy, is struggling to write a speech about moral absolutes and the existence of God, while coping with the distraction of his mentally unbalanced wife, Dorothy, a musical comedy star, and the murder investigation being conducted in their bedroom. The show incorporates circus, gymnastic, and acrobatic elements with great humor to fuel the lunacy of the matter. Full review
PERFECT CRIME by Warren Manzi (Thriller)
Synopsis: This is a murder mystery by Warren Manzi. It seems there has been a murder right before our eyes but by the time the Detective arrives the corpse is gone. The Detective suspects the Wife, a sharp-tongued, bright, psychiatrist or maybe it is one of her patients. They have some serious problems. Then again, maybe there was no murder after all. This is the longest running non-musical in New York! Full review
SARAH SARAH by Daniel Goldbarb (Drama/Comedy)
Synopsis: Everything turns on the actions of an implacable mother in Daniel Goldfarb's deftly-written "Sarah, Sarah," which stars the always-splendid, never-flashy J. Smith-Cameron. Sarah's adored son Artie has just gotten engaged and she deems his finances family undistinguished. Thanks to cutting dialogue and Mark Nelson's staging the two women's confrontation becomes a domestic courtroom drama. And Sarah crumbles when Vincent the good-hearted cleaning man (a fine Richard Mazur) reveals that she was a Russian orphan not a rich girl. In Act II Artie Grossberg (Mr. Mazur again) is a provincial father reluctantly supporting his daughter (Ms. Cameron-Smith), who has come to China to adopt an orphan. Once again an abandoned child is coming to America to start a new life. Family stories never end; they just revise themselves. While the actors are a pleasure to watch, the ending feels a bit over-sweetened. Mr. Goldfarb is an audience-friendly writer. But he need not be ingratiating. Full review
SILENT LAUGHTER (Comedy)
Synopsis: A penniless but good-hearted hero. A ringleted blond heiress in frills. A mustachioed villain who will stop at nothing — nothing — to fracture their love and marry the heiress, whom he lusts after "as a vessel for my evil spawn." These major characters propel the action of "Silent Laughter," an affectionate, amusing homage to the heyday of silent film comedy at the Lamb's Theater, at 130 West 44th Street. With old-time movie house organ music, titles and vintage photographs projected on a back
screen, chases, slugfests, romance, high and low jinks and a climactic pie fight as it moves from the mean streets of New York to a moneyed mansion, a factory assembly line, prison, a fine restaurant, the trenches of the Great War and home again, this show without spoken dialogue provides a painless excursion to an era and experience that grow increasingly remote in an age of electronic home entertainment. Though filled with action through roughly 90 minutes spread over two acts and broken by an intermission that features an audience sing-along, "Silent Laughter" is notable chiefly for its affectionate spirit, some delightful turns by its versatile, quick-changing cast of 10, the organ accompaniment by Ralph Ringstad Jr. and its faithful recreation of slapstick comedy routines. But this show could profit from a potent injection of inspired originality. Still, there is plenty to enjoy. Full review
THE TRUTH ABOUT BLAYDS by A.A. Milne (Comedy)
Synopsis: This revival of A.A. Milne's 1922 drama, 'The Truth About Blayds,' tells the story of a family that has lived for two generations in the shadow of their patriarch, Oliver Blayds, a venerated poet and world famous celebrity. On the evening of his 90th birthday he makes a shocking confession, leaving the family to decide whether or not to tell the truth about Blayds. Full review
Posted at 12:34 PM
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- Just added a little game to the right column of the page in case you get as bored as I do.
Posted at 9:08 AM
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- Woohoo! One of the students brought homemade peanut brittle into the office. Yummy.
Apparently, it's lightbulb changing season here at the office. We had one changed last week, I just called this morning for two more, and then I just noticed another one out in the copy room. They are dropping like flies.
Andrew is taking Lucky to the vet again for him to be looked at yet again. His paws are still purple, and he keeps licking them like crazy, even after over a month of antibiotics and three weeks of antihistimine. I don't know how he managed to be such a sickly, allergic mutt. We have to reprimand him every time we catch him licking his paws for too long, and then he just looks at us with the most miserable face possible and heaves a heavy sigh. Poor guy! I swear, we're just going to have to put him in little booties.
Posted at 8:57 AM
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Monday, April 12, 2004
- I just scanned the drawing I did of Dave last week. It's not my best, but like I said, it's not bad for not having picked up a pencil in nearly three years. I think I can get back into it if I keep practicing. I think I'll try one of our wedding pictures next.
Posted at 10:52 PM
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- Several other people have been doing "100 Things About Me" in their blogs, so I figured I'd follow suit, though I'm not sure if I can come up with 100 things. Here's my attempt...
1. I was born in Puerto Rico
2. The hospital room I was born in was beachfront
3. I was born nearly unconscious due to the umbilical cord being wrapped tightly around my neck. Doctors were worried I would have brain damage, which I did not.
4. Two and a half years later, my mom got denge fever while she was pregnant with my brother. He did receive brain damage.
5. I always feel guilty when I think about that.
6. My brother is the most geniune person I have ever met and ever will meet.
7. When I was younger, I treated him horribly because I resented his special needs.
8. The only punch I've ever thrown in my life was to a kid who I saw teasing him for "being stupid.
9. The only punch I've ever received in my life was a blow to the stomach by a kid who overheard me call home to my parents in Spanish. She called me a "stupid Mexican."
10. I still notice some nasty glances when I'm out with my family speaking in Spanish.
11. The happiest days of my life were the summers I spent at my grandparents' house in Puerto Rico.
12. I just planted two plumbago bushes in my yard because they were the same bushes that surrounded the entire front part of my grandparents' house.
13. My grandfather died exactly two years ago, and I still cry about it.
14. I was in Puerto Rico less than 24 hours after he died, and I remember that his toothbrush and razor were still out in the bathroom. That is my clearest memory of that whole funeral process.
15. My grandfather has taken me along with him around the world. The only continents he did not take me to see are Australia and Antarctica.
16. I would go back to visit nearly every place I've been to in the world.
17. If I could plan an elaborate trip for just Andrew and I, it would be to the British Isles.
18. Even though it'd be impossible to count the number of plane rides I have done in my life, I still get a little nervous about flying.
19. The last time I saw the World Trade Center was flying back from our honeymoon a month and a half before 9/11 when we connected in JFK. I pointed them out to Andrew.
20. My mom and I went to see the site about a year and a half ago, and it took me a while to realize we were looking at the right place.
21. I love my mother, but we are too opposite in too many ways to get along too well for too long.
22. My mom has already bought several dozen baby blankets, several dozen DVDs, some toys, and some clothes for her future grandchildren.
23. My parents guilt trip me every time I see them or call them about how far I live from them (2 hours) and tell me that they want me to move back to Orlando when Andrew is done with school.
24. Andrew will be here at UF for another two years, followed by a one year internship, followed by two years post-doctorate work before he can finally practice without a supervisor.
25. I am always so proud of Andrew for being so intelligent and motivated toward pursuing his PhD without letting it consume his life and his personality.
26. I wish I could find something other than theatre that I would feel so motivated about.
27. Even though I was always honor roll, I was a very, very lazy student.
28. I have never once read a novel voluntarily.
29. I have only read maybe half a dozen non-children's books cover to cover. I faked the vast majority of books assigned for my various English and literature classes.
30. I used to read my encyclopedias during my free time.
31. I bought and read tons of books about history and foreign cultures.
32. I speak three languages, and would love to learn more. I study up on the languages of the countries I am about to visit.
33. I memorized Egyptian hieroglyphics during my trip to Egypt when I was ten and caught a scam when my grandparents asked for a cartouche with hieroglyphics spelling my cousin's name. I pointed out that it did not read her name when they tried to give it to us.
34. I was too afraid to ride a camel to the pyramids while I was there, so I was the only one in the group who rode in on a donkey.
35. Donkeys in situations like this or this made me want to cry.
36. Shetland Ponies have the same effect.
37. I used to ride horses in middle school. I've heard that there are sexual reasons as to why pubescent girls like to ride horses, but I don't believe I was ever aware of them when I was riding.
38. I lost my virginity on my wedding night.
39. I had many opporunities before, but never felt comfortable in the situations.
40. Andrew was the first I ever truly wanted to have sex with. I was so certain we were moving toward marriage, that I decided that we should wait until then so that I could be fully honest about our relationship to my parents.
41. I am extremely happy I waited for him.
42. It's not like we were clean, little Christian children up until the wedding night.
43. I have had six guys kiss me, but only three were kissed back.
44. The first time Andrew kissed me, I did not kiss back.
45. I have never once tried cigarettes or any illegal drug.
46. I hate how goody-goody that makes me sound.
47. I am curious about marijuana, but feel stupid trying it for the first time at my age, so I might just as well never try.
48. I own three porn videos and one vibrator, though I've never used it when I was by myself.
49. I drool in my sleep. A lot.
50. I'm pretty sure I know all my worst character flaws.
51. I'm impatient.
52. I can be self-absorbed.
53. I am socially awkward with people I don't know well.
54. I interrupt people when I do decide to talk. I notice it every time I do it. You'd think I'd learn to cut it out.
55. I am lazy when I'm not completely passionate about something.
56. I can seem conceited when I don't mean to be.
57. I have small lapses of insecurity.
58. Other than that, I think that I am truly a good person.
59. I don't give in to pressure when it's something I believe in.
60. This is very different from who I used to be, so I am proud of that.
61. I was teased horrible in elementary school and middle school.
62. I was the shortest kid in my class until I started growing finally in 7th grade.
63. I had enormous pink glasses and braces.
64. My mom used to make me wear dresses to school and bows in my hair.
65. In sixth grade, there was a party that everyone in my grade was invited to except for me and this other weird girl who played with Barbies all of the time. Even my "friends" who were invited went along with the promise that they wouldn't tell me about it.
66. I was jealous of everyone because I felt ugly and nerdy.
67. My name was used as the punchline for many jokes.
68. By my senior year, I found out about several guys who had had crushes on me, but wouldn't ask me out.
69. My first kiss was when I was 17, and I felt horrible used after it.
70. I graduated high school on my 18th Birthday.
71. After performing on movable platforms at the school gym all throughout high school, my graduation was the first function ever held on the new, state-of-the-art theatre that my school built.
72. Davidson built a new, state-of-the-art theatre that was opened the summer after I graduated college.
73. I loved it at Davidson, and if I could go back in time and do it all over again, I would.
74. I have never once had an honest regret about getting married to Andrew.
75. I still sometimes wish that it wasn't so difficult to be in my situation.
76. I think it's all of the real world that is difficult, and my situation is no more difficult than many others.
77. I sometimes feel like a phony when it comes to acting. I don't feel like I'm as great as everyone says I am.
78. I have been in over 40 productions, but have only been rejected from 4 auditions ever.
79. I don't enjoy watching theatre as much as many theatregoers because I am either too critical or because I agonize over not being up there myself.
80. After seeing a show, I come home and do some of the scenes from the show in front of a mirror to see how I would have done with the role.
81. I think I am too scared to give a full, honest try to becoming a professional actress.
82. I never sit down for more than maybe half an hour total to memorize my lines for any show. I pick them up as I rehearse.
83. I have not been nervous in front of an audience since middle school or perhaps earlier, even large audiences.
84. The thought of singing in front of more than two people terrifies me to the core. I nearly cried in rehearsals for my show back in January because I had to sing four lines of a song, and it wasn't even supposed to be good.
85. I have recently started considering auditioning for a musical just to conquer this fear. I am afraid I would get full blown stage fright for the first time in my life.
86. My dad did not go to his first formal High School reunion because I was in a high school show at the same time.
87. My dad took me to see Tiffany in concert, opened up by NKOTB at Six Flags. There was a day my sophomore year of college when I suddenly realized what an amazing dad he was to do that for me, so I called him that moment to call him and thank him.
88. Even though it was the same as the weekend Andrew was graduating college, I flew up to be with my dad when he finally did go to his 25th High School Reunion because I knew how much it meant to him. He flew me back down just in time to catch Andrew's graduation because he knew how much it mean to me, even though we were not even engaged at the time.
89. That was the same weekend Nick died. I cried so much my eyes were blodshot for days.
90. The first show I did with him was Our Town. When I went back to watch the video after he died, I screamed when he came on in the last scene when I go back to revisit my life. I see him walk on stage, and I say, "But he's dead. He died."
91. My favorite memory of him is going out into a field in the middle of no where on a clear fall night, picking a star and spinning around as fast as we could, focusing on that star until we fell.
92. I loved college for moments like those. Those never happen anymore.
93. One night, my friends and I picked the tallest hill on campus, and decided to roll down. It's a wonder none of us got hurt, but we had a blast.
94. This was the same night we snuck into the art building and climbed onto this statue of a naked man and posed for some lewd photographs. We found out a few weeks later it was an original Rodin!
95. I once danced around at a party wearing nothing but jeans, a bra, shaving cream, and a candy necklace I asked everyone to take a bite off of.
96. I once made out with my roommate on the floor in front of a whole group of people reenacting a scene one of our friends had told us about.
97. I had five guys ask me out the last week of my freshman year of college, even though I didn't go out to a single party.
98. The one I said yes to was roommates with a certain someone named Andrew.
99. The guy cheated on me and eventually dumped me for the other girl, even though she lived in Ohio.
100. I can hardly remember how hurt I felt because it was that that opened the door to the rest of my life.
Well, that took a while, but wasn't as hard as I thought. Just stream of consciousness writing, really. I just had to be in the right self-absorbed kind of mood.
Posted at 2:55 PM
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- I had a nice weekend with my family. I gave my mom her present, and she was screaming she loved it so much. I was happy. I feel like I rarely get her presents right. We went and saw The Whole Ten Yards, which was awful. We did go to this fabulous restaurant, though, and we all just gorged ourselves on gourmet food. Delicious. We put together a fabulous Easter lunch yesterday, too. I made the rice and the garbanzos sauteed in butter, garlic, and chorizo. I was so proud of how they turned out! Mmm! Other than the eating, the rest of the weekend we basically watched DVDs and played board games. It was nice and relaxing...except for when Lucky mangled a lizard.
Classes will be done in one and a half weeks, which means things will finally slow down again for me in two weeks. It will be so nice to have a quiet office.
Posted at 9:54 AM
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Saturday, April 10, 2004
- An excellent article on the problem with American Idol.
So I'm here in Orlando with the fam. Off to have pancakes! :)
Posted at 9:48 AM
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Friday, April 09, 2004
- I just remembered tomorrow is the two year anniversary of my grandfather's death. I always thought he'd live forever. I've lived without him for two years now, but I still can't imagine living without him. I still have trouble believing he is not around. Strange.
Posted at 4:25 PM
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- Well, I had a very busy day today. It's going to be busy for the next two weeks, but then after that, I'll be all set. It will be summer when 2/3 of the campus is gone and out of my hair! I can't wait.
I'm thinking I'm going to leave a bit early today. The people are thinning out for the weekend already. This office will not stay open until 5pm today, I guarantee!
Posted at 3:55 PM
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- It's Friday, it's Friday! Wooo!!
It was my mom's birthday on Wednesday, so we're going to head down to Orlando after I get out of work. I got her this clay pot hanger kind of thing that you can put up on a wall. I hope she likes it. I'm debating whether or not to put an orchid in it. If I can find one quickly on the way out of town, I might.
Last night I picked up a pencil and sketch pad for the first time since my senior year of college. I decided to draw the picture of Dave on the cover of the Some Devil CD.
It turned out ok. It was good, except his head turned out too narrow. Not bad, though, for not having done anything in three years. Each of the individual features looked great, but I need to work on proportioning better. I need to get into the habit of drawing a rough outline first to go under the drawing so that I can concentrate on the features, and not the spacing. Still, I'm relatively proud of the drawing. I meant to scan it and show it off, but I forgot. Maybe I'll post it on Sunday. Perhaps I'll have time to fit in a few more pictures too. I'm thinking of trying out birds next. I've never drawn birds before, but I have plenty of subjects out in my patio now. I think I'll start with the chickadees.
Posted at 8:39 AM
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Thursday, April 08, 2004
Posted at 2:52 PM
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- I am hopelessly craving spring rolls right now. I don't know why.
Posted at 12:23 PM
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- The idea to divide the American Idol finalists last night into Group A, B, and C was so lame. I mean, I'm sure it was somewhat useful for the contestants to know approximately where they stand in the votes, but it was so obvious which was the top group, and which was the bottom group. You know that Diana and Jasmine must have been like Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck when Camile got called into their group.
I caught about five minutes of The Swan. That is that horrible, wretched TV show about the girls who undergo all this plastic surgery to become beauty queens. I knew from the previews that the show would be disgusting, but I had no idea how disgusting. I watched as they turned one plain-looking girl into a Barbie doll. It was sickening. I mean, I don't quite get wanting plastic surgery, but I think that if you get it done, it should only be small improvements to enhance your look, not to change your appearance entirely. This brunette was given the cheesiest, platinum porn star hair, which were obviously extensions, her face was restructured, and she got these horrible porn star boobs. She was unrecognizable. I thought that was disgusting. She wasn't just a cuter version of herself. They took her body and made her into someone else. So gross. Plus, the fact that it's on right after American Idol when all these preteen girls are watching is sick. All this girl talked about was how she couldn't feel good about anything she did because she wasn't pretty, etc. Not the best message to send to America's youth.
Posted at 12:02 PM
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- I stumbled across this photography website (yes, looking for Dave Matthews stuff), and I was blown away! This guy, Greg Kessler, has some great stuff. He has tons of musicians, including a couple of Dave, but even does weddings and other stuff. I love all of it. I love looking at really excellent photography like this.
Posted at 10:29 AM
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- I was so irritable yesterday. I guess as much as I complained about having no time for anything when I was doing the show, the show helped distract me from how much this job sucks. I just can't be happy, can I? I'm thinking of applying to a job for special events at the library here on campus. Hey, it'll at least be quiet. I kind of liked working at the library at Davidson. Overall, I am just done with this job. Every day I show up here is another day wasted. I just can't continue like this.
The squirrels continue to find a way to our bird feeders. They are driving me crazy. I keep telling Andrew we should make all of our feeders safflower seed that squirrels don't like, but he refuses since they are twice as expensive as the other kind. I then suggest we get a better feeder, but he doesn't want to do that either. He continues to believe that there is some configuration we can have that will prevent them from getting there. I don't think so.
Posted at 8:54 AM
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Wednesday, April 07, 2004
- Andrew and I are soulmates. We just get each other. I can't imagine anyone else I'd rather spend the rest of my life with.
However...
He does not like to go out to dinner, and he does not like traveling. These are two things I love to do. It gets frustrating. :(
Posted at 2:32 PM
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- Here's an interesting story from yesterday's dreary work day. All of the posters and postcards ($1500 worth) arrived to the office for our upcoming show. Somehow, they managed to misspell University (universtiy), left out the name of our major donor that paid well over $5000 toward the production, AND got the dates and times wrong for the shows. This all thanks to having a scattered group of students running publicity instead of a staff person. The student who designed the poster threw it together at the last minute and didn't have time for proofs. Remember a year ago when I asked to be in charge of publicity, but instead my boss eliminated the position? Yeah, apparently he thought this would be more effective. I don't think so. Attendance has been way, way down this year, our press releases have the titles, playwright names, and dates cut and pasted into the same template, and stupid mistakes like this keep happening. On top of that, guess whose duty it is now to create labels for 500 posters with all three corrections, cut to specific shapes and sizes between now and the end of the week. Yeah, that's right. Me. This place drives me fucking insane.
Ok, but enough of that.
I put up my hummingbird feeder yesterday, and within half an hour, I had two hummingbirds happily buzzing away in my patio. They are so darn cute. I also witnessed a squirrel jump from the birdbath over to the birdfeeders knocking all the seed out. Great. Bastard. So, I had to space them out even more. If the squirrel can make this jump now, I'll be very impressed and at a loss to do anything else. I mean, you can only fight Darwin so long, I suppose.
American Idol sucked last night. It was Elton John night, and I loooooooove Elton John. I thought I'd love last night, but it only affirmed how amazing Elton John is and how mediocre so many of these kids are. I mean, some of them were downright painful. John Stevens's Crocodile Rock???? Holy crap!!! That has to be the worst singing I've ever heard on American Idol outside of the first few episodes of the season. Actually, if he had performed it as his first audition, he would have made the cut for the laugh-at-these-auditions segments. The only one who had a perfect performance, in my opinion, was good ol' George Huff. His little girl wave and batting eyes annoy me, but man, can the boy sing! It was the only professional quality performance of the night. My prediction: Camile is out, with Diana Degarmo a close second to being out. I would say John, except he has some unexplainable fan base. He has sucked every week since the finals. I don't get it.
Posted at 8:57 AM
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Tuesday, April 06, 2004
- Umm. A student just called me from home to ask me how to spell consequence. I know that this has made me annoyed as hell, but it's hard to pinpoint one exact reason why it's so enfuriating.
Posted at 4:52 PM
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- My boss's son is here in the office. He has been in Iraq for the past year as an officer. I'm overhearing everything he's talking about. I keep wishing that what I believe about the war could be proven wrong, but this isn't helping. He's talking about how he's beginning to feel that he was lied to, that he hasn't seen a major shift in security from the time of combat to right now, and how he's seen his friends gunned down. Ugh. This is all so tragic to hear.
Posted at 2:21 PM
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- For some stupid reason, I decided to be "good" with my lunch today. I don't normally crave junk food (except for desserts!), but today I was really craving a bacon cheeseburger, fries, and a frosty. I decided to meet myself halfway and got a spicy chicken sandwich, small fries (instead of biggie), ceasar side salad (instead of the extra fries), and a junior frosty, instead of the normal small frosty. Out of my entire meal, the most fattening thing I ended up eating was the friggin' salad! 23 grams of fat!!!!! Now, I knew that ceasar salad is not low fat, but I figured it'd be better than a large order of fries!! I was wrong. At least it has more vitamins. That's all I got out of it. That'll show me to be good, right??
Posted at 1:57 PM
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- Changes I want to make:
1. New job. This one is obvious and I've blabbed on about long enough.
2. Start working out again. I haven't done anything since I began doing shows again in October. I bought myself a pilates tape, so I look forward to that.
3. Pick up art again. I'm going to Michael's today after work to buy some art supplies. I want to do something with my new free time that isn't watching TV all night, but not as demanding on my time as theatre. I used to love art so much, so I'd love to pick it up again.
4. Learn new recipes. Since starting up theatre again, I have not had the luxury of getting creative with meals. Need to get back to it.
5. Figure out some fun way to make an additional income.
If I do these things, I will be infinitely happier. I know it's not the new year, but these are my resolutions anyway.
Posted at 11:31 AM
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- Yesterday, Andrew and I decided to hang our hummingbird feeder that we got for Christmas, now that we have our nice, new patio. Andrew went upstairs to get it, and as I was watering our new plants and flowers, what do I see?? A hummingbird!! I had never seen one at our place before, but there it was, feeding off of our brand new flowers before we even put the feeder together! Our feeder is definitely going to be a hit! Our patio is definitely the coolest place in the neighborhood. We now have eight different birds that feed off our our tiny 15'x15' backyard!!
Posted at 9:38 AM
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Monday, April 05, 2004
- My cousin Jennifer's baby is the cutest thing ever!! I just got some more recent pictures of him from my dad from when they went to see him. This is a great one of him with my mom. He's adorable!
Posted at 3:29 PM
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- Ok, so here's the history and rationale of Daylight Saving Time. (I had no idea it was Ben Franklin who first thought of it!) Sounds like Daylight Saving Time is the best thing to ever happen. However, I remain unconvinced as to why we don't make it permanent time. I always think that when we switch back in October. As heavy as my eyes are this time of year, I do love having the extra light at the end of the day. So why exactly is it no good to have this extra light in the winter??
Posted at 10:18 AM
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- I've been at work for an hour and a half, and I have yet to do anything work related aside from signing off on some posters that arrived and changing the clocks. I'm just now opening my work email and am considering metering the mail sometime in the near future.
Posted at 9:24 AM
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- I closed the show last night, which means that this is my first free week of 2004. And really, with the exclusion of Christmas week, my first free week since mid-October. It has been grueling for sure, but it's done, and I feel a sense of accomplishment. The first show raised a lot of eyebrows around town and led to getting offered the movie role. This second one solidified my friendship with two girls who worked on the first show, in addition to being a bit more fun all around. So, yes, I glad I did it, but I'm also very happy it's over.
I got an exciting phone call this weekend from my parents. My birthday falls on Memorial Day this year, so my parents decided to schedule their trip to NYC for that weekend and have it be for the five of us to celebrate up there. Woohoo! I get to pick two shows to see while up there. I can't wait.
I think this is all I can muster for now. I'm so sleepy. At least it seems that the rest of the world is sleepy too.
Posted at 8:41 AM
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Friday, April 02, 2004
- "Bush Invigorates America's Youth" This kid cracks me up! I only just heard about this.
Posted at 12:28 PM
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- An update an Fahd's email about getting engaged, apparently, I was the only person to figure out that it was an April Fool's joke. Go me. I mean, really, come on. I was momentarily concerned when Andrew's parents said that they knew he send that from Pakistan. I was nervous for a minute because I'm sure no one knows anything about April Fools Day in Pakistan, so he'd have to really remember and be conscious of the date. However, it still didn't make sense to me. No one believed me until the very end when Andrew's dad decided to call up Fahd's brother, who confirmed it was a prank. So there. I know Fahd better than his roommate of three years.
An interesting development on the getting-a-new-job front. I talked some with Kelly last night, who I met during my last play. She is stage manager for this current show. She is a great gal. I love hanging out with her. She also works at the Hippodrome State Theatre, which is where that job I found out about earlier this week is. I asked her about it, and it sounds like a wonderful job, except for one thing: pay. I know that I'm never going to make a killing in arts administration, but being as I'm just a secretary now, I figured I'd make a comparable salary to someone in a good position there. Well, it's somewhat comparable, I suppose. It's about $2-3K less than I make now, which doesn't sound like a huge pay cut, except she clued me in on a little detail...no benefits!! My insurance will quadruple! No paid vacations! I mean...ouch!! I don't know. I think I might apply and see what happens, but I don't know if I can do that. As amazing as this job would be, and as much of a leg up it will give me in the future, I just don't know if I can handle losing all that money.
However, the conversation was still very fruitful, because apparently, she knows a ton of people around town through her previous affiliation with the chamber of commerce. One of her good friends is a woman who works there and is up to date on all the jobs around the city before they're even posted! She was going to have lunch with her today anyway, so she's going to bring my situation up. Let's see what happens with that!
On the flip side, however, my director found out that I'm looking for something new, and he came running to me to tell me to send him my resume today via email because he has this great job in his office. He works at Shands Hospital in Information Services. The position is an administrative assistant position that handles all of the travel arrangements and purchasing for the department. It sounds horrifically boring...but it pays $3 more an hour than I make now with the same benefits I have now!!!! That's $120 more every week! It's definitely a better job than I have now, and I'm positive I'd enjoy it a lot more, but it worries me that I'd still be stuck in the area of administrative assistant, rather than graduating to a position of more responsibility. I only have two years left here in Gainesville, which means that whatever job I take next is likely to be the last job I have here. Or at least it should be. A lot of me feels that if I leave this job, it has to be for something that is going to help me climb up. If I take this job, I will have a resume full of nothing but secretarial work since graduating from college five or six years earlier. That doesn't bode well for the future of my professional career.
Ugh! Such difficult decisions. I figure I'll apply and hopefully interview with both of these jobs, as well as keep my ear to the ground for new opportunities. I won't have to make any decisions until I get an offer, so I have some time to think about this. Hmmm..
Posted at 8:45 AM
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Thursday, April 01, 2004
- Just added a little something. Please look at the little button on the left labeled GuestMaps. It's this cool little guestbook that shows where on the map you are. Go ahead and post on it! :)
Posted at 12:42 PM
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- Ok, those of you who came to my wedding probably remember Fahd. He was Andrew's roommate through most of college. He read from the scriptures during the ceremony, and partied down at the reception. He is Pakistani, but has totally bought into the western culture. His parents are still in Pakistan, but he has no intention of moving back there. He is totally American. In fact, almost overly American.
Andrew's parents are his unofficial American family. Since he works in Winston-Salem, just an hour and a half away from them, they get together very often. Probably once or twice a month.
So this morning they receive an email from Fahd saying that he is engaged to a girl through an arranged marriage. His parents have been threatening this for a while, but he always had his share of all the American girls he wanted. He's quite the player. But it seems that his parents have finally set him up. Apparently she is "hot" according to Fahd, but she only speaks Punjabi, not Urdu like he does. Also, she wears a veil that covers her face and seemed to be concerned that Fahd's place here in the US doesn't have a well.
Andrew called to tell me this. I declare that this is a big April Fool's Joke. Andrew and his parents don't think so, but I say it is. I mean, I can not imagine Fahd getting married to a girl who is super traditional and doesn't even speak the same language as him when he flirts relentlessly and is addicted to the Sopranos and Simpsons. Not happening. I believe I will have the last laugh at the end of the day when he announces this is April Fools.
Posted at 12:26 PM
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- What Disney Villain are You?
Your are the Evil Queen from Snow White and the
Seven Dwarves. Vanity gets you nowhere...
What Disney Villain are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
So while we're on the topic of Disney, I started thinking about Dumbo this morning. That was the first movie that ever made me cry. I used to have it on tape as a kid, so I watched it all the time. Dumbo's mom got locked up for protecting her little Dumbo and was kept in solitary confinement. I would break down and sob every time I saw the scene where Dumbo went to visit her one night. She was chained down so that she couldn't look out the tiny window of her cell, and Dumbo was too short to look in. So they couldn't see each other at all. All they could do was reach out their trunks through the bars and touch each other. They show scenes of all the other baby animals snuggled up to their mommies, but not Dumbo. So sad. So very sad.
Posted at 11:02 AM
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- Ok, I just posted this entire rant on how much this war pisses me off, but I'm deleting it. Let me just suffice to say that it sucks.
Oh, and Happy April Fool's Day. So far nothing weird has happened...
Posted at 8:55 AM
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- I need to start looking at the weather before I get dressed. It is breezy and in the mid-40's right now, and I'm wearing sandals and my thinnest, lightest shirt. (Lane, it's the soft one I bought in Boston) The high is supposed to be in the mid to high 60's, but with high winds. Not cold weather, by any means, but definitely not for what I'm wearing. Why do I keep doing this?
Last night's show went alright. It was a nice crowd for a Wednesday, but I always feel like I suck on Wednesdays. I don't know why. I guess I'm not quite back into the swing of things from the break.
I'm so sleepy. I wanted so badly to stay in bed this morning. If Andrew wasn't there to shove me out of bed, I don't know that I would have made it out of the house.
Posted at 8:33 AM
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