Random Musings...
Thursday, March 31, 2005
·Givin' Me the Shivers·
- My fever is unbelievable right now.
Update: I made an appointment with the doctor for tomorrow morning. When I got home today, my fever was 101.2. What is going on?? I probably won't make it to work tomorrow.
Posted at 4:15 PM
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·Old Friend·
- I got an email from Anika saying that she finally tracked down one of our old friend's email addresses. I tried to email her, but it bounced back to me.
I was friends with...let's call her B...since my freshman year of high school when she was a sophomore. We did theatre together. Li'l Abner, House of Bernarda Alba, Anything Goes, etc. She did civic theatre too, and did shows Jesus Christ Superstar with Wayne Brady before anyone had heard of him. She was great fun.
After a while, she started missing a lot of school and had no real explanation when she got back. She spent a lot of lunches at the school office, and I was there for two panic attacks so severe that an ambulance had to come to school and take her away. She told us she had asthma and blew off any further questions. I decided I would be sensitive and not push her for any answers. When we were able to hang out, we had a great time. There were a lot of times when she couldn't, though, and I didn't question it. It concerned me, but I didn't feel comfortable pushing her. I told my mom about her episodes, and she told me that she must be going through something really bad. I tried convincing her that it may just be asthma, but she didn't buy it. "Be a good friend to her," is what she told me.
One day, I could tell she had been crying after having to be excused from class. She finally broke down and said that her stepfather had come to school and slashed her tires in the parking lot. I was so confused. Slowly, over the course of many weeks, maybe even many months, she began making brief mentions of what she had been going through. The most she admitted to me was that she found a video camera in her bathroom that her stepfather had put. Whether anything went further than that, I don't know, but that alone is extremely disturbing. I felt completely sick to my stomach, especially since I had been at her house before, though I had never met him.
As soon as B turned 18, she moved away to Maine, not even graduating high school, even though she was an Honor Roll student. Her mom, incredibly enough, stuck by the guy, so B felt she had no choice but to leave as soon as she could. It was so sad. She came back to visit once with pictures of all the snow she had to shovel, but beyond that, contact was difficult. The summer after we graduated, she let us know that she was going to be in town again since she was visiting Daytona Beach. We drove out to see her and she told us she had moved to Washington state. We kept in some contact after that. I took a trip out to Seattle and was able to meet up with her for the afternoon, and she showed us around Pike's market. She came back to Orlando one more time, and said that she could no longer drive because she was now suffering from seizures since she fell off a roof while sleep walking. Since then, though, I haven't heard much about her, except that she was bouncing around different nanny jobs from city to city out in Washington.
I have her picture up in my room next to my closet, so I see it pretty much every day. I also have a picture of her in my wallet. I think about her all of time. I was hoping this email address would be a good way to get back in contact with her. Maybe there is still a way. She makes herself pretty untraceable, though, for obvious reasons. She changed her name and everything. Such a sad, sad story, but at the same time, she was such a beautiful, cheery person. I wish I knew how she was doing now.
Posted at 11:24 AM
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·I Give Up·
- I don't get it. I don't have a thermometer on me right now, but I am completely positive I have a fever right now. I feel like crap. I just took some ibuprofen to see if I can get to feeling better. I don't want to admit that I am sick yet again. It has been less than a week since I finished my 10-day penicilin regiment for Strep Throat. I'm just now feeling better from my esophageal spasms, and now this generic, mystery illness. I don't understand. I feel so crappy.
Oh, also, I've woken up the past two mornings with a crusty right eye in all sorts of ugly colors. I think that has more to do when I dropped my contact onto my lap a couple days ago and didn't have any drops, so I just shoved it back onto my eye, rather than being half blind for the rest of the day. So, fever plus probably unrelated eye infection.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME??? Besides my illness over New Year's, I had been completely healthy for nearly a full year. Nothing was wrong with me. Now, all of a sudden, I keep getting sick. And I've even been extra careful! I've been washing my hands constantly, especially with my new eye problem. I've been taking my vitamins. I've finally gotten back to eating and drinking properly since my bad throat. What now??
In much better news, the weather continues to be gorgeous here. I actually thought to bring my camera into work, so I took pictures of my lovely view of the trees, the pond, and the blue sky through the gorgeous windows. Of course, this is most of what I stare at throughout the day.
Posted at 9:38 AM
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Wednesday, March 30, 2005
·My Son is Pope·
- I highly recommend the comedy of Jim Gaffigan. I got Andrew one of his CD's last month, and he has been playing it for everyone he knows. He's on Comedy Central every now and then. Hilarious.
Posted at 11:07 AM
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·My Ass Feels Just Fine. No Cause for Concern.·
- This morning, as I was in the middle of crossing one of the busiest intersections on campus, I fell flat on my ass. When I say that, I mean, completely and truly flat on my ass. It wasn't a stumble-and-pick-myself-back-up kind of thing. It was the whole heel slipping out from under me, 100% airborne for a second, and falling straight down directly and fully onto my ass. As I landed, I muttered this very meek "Oh...shoot." This occured in front of dozens of witnesses. This also took place as the red hand on the crosswalk sign was already flashing angrily at me. My purse had flown one way, lunch another, and keys still another. I had to scrounge up all of my belongings on my hands and knees right on the asphalt so I could get myself out of there so I didn't start blocking traffic due to my stupidity. The weirdest part of it all...it didn't hurt one bit. At first, I figured it was my utter embarrassment and shock that was hiding the pain, but even know, I feel no lingering remnants of pain. Quite puzzling. Maybe I didn't actually fall. Weird.
Posted at 10:08 AM
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Tuesday, March 29, 2005
·The Stage Beckons Once Again·
- I think I'm going to go ahead and show up to an audition this weekend. I've been wanting to work with this director for a while, so it should be good. The down side is that I'll be out for a week and a half of the rehearsal process due to the big trip, so I'm not sure that he'll want to cast me, even if he likes me. I'm also wondering if it's a good idea to make a 3-4 hour commitment every night for the next two months when I'm trying to set up a new business. It's just been so long since I've done anything on the stage, and I miss it so much. Anyway, I'll show up and see what happens. If nothing else, I'll at least be able to practice my audition skills. I haven't auditioned for anything in a year now.
This theatre uses cold readings only, which means that they just hand you a script and put you up there with only a few minutes of prep if you're lucky. As scary as that sounds, I actually much prefer it to auditions that ask you to have prepared monologues. There is so much risk and subjectivity involved in monologues. What if I pick a crappy one? What if I picked one that that two other people already picked? What if I can't find one that reflects a similar character to the one for which I'm auditioning? What if someone else picks a flashier monologue? So many variables exist that I just hate for the decisions to be in my hands.
With cold readings, you're either good or you're not. If you're off the mark character-wise, most directors are considerate enough to ask you do try it again with a different bent. Plus, there is some strategy you can use when you are doing a big audition call where you can see all of the other auditionees doing your same scene. I figure that for directors, seeing the same scene done dozens and dozens of times gets monotonous. I've also noticed that when other auditionees see others do the scene, they stick to the same conventions, like putting the character on the same side of the stage, sitting in the same chair, etc. A tiny thing I can do is to just change something as basic as that around. I'll stand on the other side of the stage instead. I'll start standing behind the chair, rather than sitting in it. Just little tiny things to distinguish myself suddenly makes the scene feel different than the identical scenes that preceeded it. It's so simple, and I'm amazed I don't see more people do it. Another reason I prefer the big calls is that I love watching for missed opportunities. I sit and study the ones that go before me and see the opportunities that they missed because they're too worried about getting all of the words right. I remember one audition I did that involved a female warrior who had just beheaded someone. Since this was supposed to be comedic (yes, it was!), I saw plenty of room for a gag. While everyone who went before me only talked about the beheading, I "brought" the head onstage with me, holding my hand in a fist in front of my face holding imaginary hair. I stared into the eyes of the phantom head so intensely. Lo and behold, I got the part, and I have no doubt it was due to my bold choice that no one else had taken. The director even included the severed head bit in the actual production.
It'll be fun to get back out there!
Posted at 3:22 PM
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·It's a Beautiful Day, Don't Let it Get Away·
- It is absolutely gorgeous outside today. It makes me sad to be indoors all day, but it also makes me thankful for my new office that has gigantic windows that give a great view from up here. That picture doesn't quite do the view justice, because from my seat, most of what you see is blue sky, trees, and a pond full of ducks and turtles, rather than the ugly 60's building next door. I wish I had brought my camera today so I could show off just how pretty it is today!
Jennifer is visiting Florida this week with little Robert and will be up in Orlando this Friday so we can meet up for dinner. I can't wait. I love that little guy!
Posted at 9:00 AM
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Monday, March 28, 2005
·See below·
- I updated my Savannah post (Hangover with a Southern Twist) with the few photos I took on my digital camera. Brent and Kim took more on their camera, which I should have in the next week or so. I'll post those when I get them.
Posted at 6:45 PM
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·Arrested Development·
- If you have never watched Arrested Development, you're part of the problem.
Posted at 3:14 PM
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·Hangover with a Southern Twist·
- We had such a great time in Savannah, although I still feel hungover!
We left straight after work on Friday. Kim and Brent came to pick us up and we drove up, stopping to grab a bite to eat at a rest stop along the way. We tried in vain to find a decent restaurant, but being a Friday night, there were hour long waits everywhere we tried, so Pizza Hut Express it was! We arrived to the hotel around 9:30. It was a gorgeous hotel, and we felt so cool knowing that we spent well under half of everyone else there, thanks to Priceline. It had a gorgeous view of historic Savannah just across the river. Lovely. We just hung out in the room the rest of the night so that we'd have energy for Saturday. I realized, however, that I had completely forgotten to take the load of laundry out of the dryer that I had done to pack, which included my jeans and shorts for the trip! I was without pants besides the work pants I was wearing!! I ended up having to borrow Kim's shorts (Thank God we're the same size!) and then bought a cute pair of pants on sale at Banana Republic on Saturday to wear that night.
All four of us got up pretty early on Saturday without any outside assistance, and caught the 9:00am ferry across the river into town. It was a very foggy and dreary morning, but eventually it actually got nice and comfortable. It was cloudy all day, but it never rained while we were out, which was perfect! We grabbed a quick breakfast at a laughably bad, hole-in-the-wall coffee shop, and then bought tickets for a trolley tour that took us around town. We actually ended up walking most of the day, though we could get on and off of the trolley as we pleased. Savannah is such a gorgeous place. All of the flowers were in bloom. The old mansions along the squares and tree-lined streets are so beautiful. Included in our trolley fair was entrance to one of the old mansions. It actually ended up being a great tour. The house had all original furnishings and decorations. It was beautiful! Just such an incredible house. It turned kind of depressing, though, after seeing all of the amazing beauty and opulence and then going downstairs to the servants' area of the house. I don't know how I'd feel right about having all of those luxuries while others literally slave away under my feet to serve me tea and clean my dresses.
We headed back to the hotel around 3:30 after we had done most of the sightseeing we wanted to do. Kim and I wound down in the hot tub overlooking the river while the boys watched basketball. Normally, I would have been watching basketball too, except the hot tub sounded so perfect! It really was perfect because it was so nice to just sit there while overlooking the town and the boats sailing by.
We went back across into town for dinner, which was stuffed shrimp for me. It was delicious. I also had half a bottle of Shiraz wine, which I also loved. We walked along River Street afterward, and Andrew spotted a carved rabbit that he loved. When we went in to the store, though, he spotted something he liked even more. A two foot tall, carved, wooden beaver. He fell in love. He kept begging me for it, and what could I say? Yes, we actually bought it. I have no idea where we're going to put it, but it's ours. The rest of the night pretty much revolved around beaver jokes. The more drinks we got in, the raunchier they got. It was hilarious though. We were all laughing so hard we cried. We went to two bars along Bay Street, one that had live jazz music that we stuck with until it closed. We then moved next door to a pub that had this enormous area downstairs for pool, darts, TVs, and video games. We played a round of pool, followed by my first attempt at Golden Tee. I found out that while I kick ass at Hot Shots Golf, Golden Tee and I don't mix. At least not with a lot of alcohol in me. I ended up having several Bourbon and Cokes throughout the night, ending with a straight double shot. That shot is what did me in. We all got pretty drunk.
We went back to the hotel, and I began to feel sick. I tried not to alert anyone, and instead proceeded to eat as many chips as I could to see if I could fight off my ill stomach. (Notice the bag of chips resting on my leg as I take this picture) Eventually, after playing around for a while longer, everyone went to bed. About ten minutes after everyone was sound asleep, I snuck over to the bathroom and puked and puked. Amazingly, no one ever knew until I told them the next day, even through on my way back in the pitch black room I hit every bed, chair, and table along the way.
Sunday morning was predictable rough for all of us. We struggled to make our noon check-out time. It was raining pretty hard as we pulled out of the hotel, but we decided to head over to the legendary Crab Shack before heading back to Gainesville. It was quite an experience! Normally, it's a huge place with tons and tons of outdoor seating along the water, but since it was raining cats and dogs, we were inside the "shack" part. It really was a shack! It didn't even really have walls, just some plastic pulled down to keep the rain out. Unfortuantely, it had been pouring all night, and it flooded the septic system or something, because there were wretched waves of putrid stench that floated by every minute or so. Not the best thing for hungover people! Really, we ended up here in spite of our hangovers because none of us were particularly hungry! Andrew was the bravest. He ordered their big, famous sample platter, which was crabs, shrimp, creyfish, mussles, sausage, etc., etc., etc. It was really something else! He ate most of it, too! I was relatively brave and had crab legs. Actually, they sat quite nicely since it is so light. It was really great. The smell and flooding was the most unfortunate part, but we still had a great time. We definitely want to go there again, but this time with a better stomach and hopefully better weather.
We had such a great time this weekend! Savannah is such a fun and beautiful town. It was wonderful to get away with some friends and take in a little history and a little fun, even if I'm still paying for it!
Posted at 10:07 AM
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Friday, March 25, 2005
·Rain, Rain, Go Away·
- Thunder and lighting outside. Hopefully it'll go away by the time we head out to Savannah! Apparently, it's going to rain on Sunday. Oh well. It'll still be nice to get away for a bit with some friends.
Posted at 10:34 AM
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Thursday, March 24, 2005
·The Purple Pill·
- So I went to another doctor, and this crazy pain I've been having are esophageal spasms. Reading that they are sometimes confused for heart attacks makes me feel better about freaking out and crying like a baby over it the night before last. It sucks. I'm now on Nexium for the next month. If the symptoms don't go away within a week or two, though, then they have to do bigger tests. Boo. Honestly, though, I'm just relieved the doctor didn't say, "Oh, it's nothing," because it really, really sucks.
And for the record, so that no one thinks I'm a wuss, I just experienced Strep Throat, Esophageal Spasms, and my period, all at the same time!! If it had all amounted to something, I'd feel a sense of accomplishment, like I deserve a trophy for my bravery. Alas. I got nothing more than a bunch of pills.
Posted at 7:04 PM
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·And I Think It's Gonna Be a Long, Long Time·
- I just got official notice that the Elton John show that got postponed due to illness this past Sunday has been cancelled. All of the other shows he missed were able to be rescheduled. Not ours. Damn it! Who knows when I'll ever see him live! I was so excited about it!
Posted at 1:49 PM
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·Laser Show·
- Someone left a laser pen at my desk about two years ago. I tried to find out whose it was, but no one ever claimed it. It's actually a really cool pen It has a laser and a flashlight at one end and on the other, there are two settings, either a regular ball point pen or a false tip for writing on those surfaces that read your writing. I uncovered it again while packing up the old office, and I've just come across it again in the new office. I've started playing with it now, shining the laser to the farthest walls and tiniest corners I can aim. It's kind of fun, but I don't know what to do with it. I keep trying to see if I'm able to see the laser beam out the window, but I can't tell if it works or not. Since I work in a huge atrium, I'm constantly having to point all the way across at the different offices and people can't tell which of the dozens of doors I'm pointing to. It would be so cool if I could just whip out my laser and point out the exact door. I'm thinking that would be very weird and distracting, though.
Posted at 11:07 AM
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·Esophagus Blues·
- I may or may not be shooting a student film tonight. I've been extremely bad about getting back to this kid. Hopefully he hasn't give up on me called someone else. I tend to be less than thrilled lately with these zero-budget movies because I never get to see them. Never. I've been in five movies at this point that I have never seen. I was trying to be as non-enthusiastic as possible about this one, but the script is actually fairly funny. I'm wanting to do it just to see if I can pull of this kind of character, plus one of my friends is also in it.
My esophagus is feeling a little better today. I'm wondering if I should cancel the appointment I had scheduled for this afternoon, or if I should go anyway. How stupid do I feel trying to evaluate how my esophagus feels? I think I go months at a time without even thinking about the fact that I even have an esophagus. Esophagus is a gross word anyway. I don't like to think I have one.
Tomorrow we leave for Savannah with Brent and Kim. I can't wait! It should be fun.
Posted at 10:18 AM
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Wednesday, March 23, 2005
·Forms of Expression, LLC·
- I have in my hands, the documents that will make my business official! Yay! I feel like there is supposed to be some media event and have my photograph taken a dozen times signing this symbol of my hopeful emancipation from the world of the secretary.
My favorite line: "The duration of the Corporation is perpetual."
Posted at 3:38 PM
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·Who Knew Burps Were So Important·
- Last night I thought I was going to go insane. My prickly, stinging, ripping sore throat has give way to something much weirder. I feel like my entire esophagus is swollen. I feel like I have a lump in my throat, and as I try to swallow everything, even water, it feels like it struggles to squeeze through and I feel it pushing and aching second after second as it slowly reaches my stomach. Every few inches, it seems there is another obstacle that makes me grimace. Last night was especially bad because it felt so swollen that it felt like it was swollen shut. No, I never considered myself someone who burps very much. Actually, I am hardly ever aware that I am doing so. However, I can not describe to you what it feels like NOT to be able to burp. My stomach and lower esophagus felt so full and I was having these shooting pains. I tried to push it up, and I could feel the air rising about half way up in the my chest, and then floating back and forth like a bubble. it is the most uncomfortable, unnerving sensation I have ever felt. I thought I was going to go insane. I was freaking out. "I know it seems ridiculous, but I can't burp and it's driving me crazy!!" My throat is so swollen that everytime I swallow my own spit, it feels like I was swallowing air, which didn't help my no burping thing. Fortunately, the air that came from the top was able to come back, because I could feel that it got stuck relatively high up. Dear God, what a horrible night. I was so close to going to the emergency room except that I felt stupid. Fortunately, my breathing is just fine, so I figured it wasn't life threatening. I've called my doctor, and I'm waiting to hear back to see if she has any idea what this could be, although I've determined I have zero trust in her anymore. I need to find a new doctor.
Posted at 11:21 AM
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Tuesday, March 22, 2005
·Why Won't You Run in the Rain and Play·
- Yesterday, Andrew and I got caught in a very sudden and heavy downpour while walking Lucky, and we were at the exact farthest point in our walk. We started running as fast as we could back for home. It was actually exhilarating. If I hadn't been fully clothed in work clothes and wearing my glasses (which unfortunately do not have windsheild wipers on them) and recovering from catastrophic illness, I actually might have shouted out to Andrew that we stay out there and run around like children. When we got back in the house and toweled off and changed, he said he was thinking the same thing. There we were, running as fast as we could, jumping across every puddle and obstacle, our faithful hound running alongside us, and we were laughing and screaming the whole time. Funny how something like that can bring out this side of you. I guess that part of me is always there, just waiting for the right opportunity to come out. I wish it came out more often.
My illness put a small delay on my business becoming official, but I think that will happen today once and for all. Once I get that established, the next step is to open a bank account for the business. I'll transfer some of my own money into that, and then buy some software so I can begin designing and setting up a website. I looked into having my website professionally made, but I couldn't believe how much that costs. (Thousands!) I had visions of this super fancy website where customers could do a build-your-own-gift kind of thing where you can go step by step, selecting an iten, what design to put on it, text, etc. I'm going to have to start out smaller than that. I'll just have to make the process a little less automated since I have no programming knowledge. Hopefully, I'll be able to design an attractive website on my own. I think I can probably handle it. Now I'm really glad I took that Macromedia course two years ago, because I think I can figure out Dreamweaver pretty well. If my business is doing well, I'll upgrade to a fancier website then.
Posted at 8:52 AM
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Monday, March 21, 2005
·Every day things change, but basically they stay the same·
- I'm at a loss as to how to respond when someone asks me if I'm feeling better. Umm...better than not being able to swallow my own spit? Yes. Better as in I'm able to eat like a normal human being and lifting my arm to reach something doesn't seem like a daunting feat? No.
I nearly had a nervous breakdown last night over this all. I'm so sick and tired of being sick and tired. Enough already. Yesterday was my first attempt at solid food. Spaghetti was a nice way to get back into things, I figured. The mere thought of anything crunchy or spicy at this point is enough to send me into tears.
I called my cousin Jennifer yesterday and realized yet another drawback of having a baby. He was running around sticking everything dangerous in his mouth that he possibly could, and the whole conversation, she was right behind him, saving his life at every turn. I imagined this being me now how I feel. If I cried last night because I didn't think I was serving myself Jello the right way (which I honestly did), I don't know how I'd handle running after my bubbly one-year old. I barely managed to shower myself every other day over this past week.
As sick as I feel, I was so looking forward to last night's Elton John concert, and wouldn't you know it, it got cancelled just a few hours before it was supposed to start. Elton got sick. Poor, poor Elton.
So my weekend was filled with basketball instead, which was actually nice. I used to be a basketball fanatic. I mean, I knew everything about basketball. I managed my high school's basketball team for a few years. I watched every single Orlando Magic game for years. I owned two t-shirts dedicated to my love of Horace Grant alone. Once college rolled around, though, I lost track of basketball. I haven't followed it since high school besides the Davidson basketball home games I loved going to. Andrew is playing along with the brackets this year with a group of friends, though, so he's been following it very closely. I've been going along with it and cheering as best as I can cheer. It's been fun to get back to the game. It's no football, but it'll do for now.
Posted at 9:08 AM
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Friday, March 18, 2005
·If I could scream, I would·
- I CAN'T STRESS ENOUGH HOW MISERABLE I AM RIGHT NOW!!! MY THROAT HURTS LIKE HELL. I HAVE A FEVER. I WANT TO BE DONE. I'VE BEEN LIVING WITH THIS SINCE MONDAY NIGHT. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. PLEASE!!!!!! EVERYTHING SUCKS. I WANT TO KICK AND CRY AND WALLOW IN THE MISERY THAT I AM IN RIGHT NOW. CAN'T IT BE DONE?? I HAVE RESORTED TO SPITTING OUT MY OWN SALIVA INTO A CUP ON MY DESK BECAUSE SWALLOWING IT HURTS LIKE BEING KICKED IN THE BALLS. I DON'T HAVE BALLS, BUT I KNOW IT'S WHAT IT WOULD FEEL LIKE. HOLY HELL. I THINK I TASTE BLOOD AND EVERYTHING. ARE THEY SURE I'M NOT DYING???
Posted at 4:34 PM
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·Crawling my way back·
- I crawled my way back into the office today around 11:30am. I found 131 non-spam email messages in my work inbox. Joy.
This morning was probably the worst I've felt yet. I got to feeling a little better around 10am, so I got dressed and all that. I've been fine, but now my ibuprofen is wearing off, I think. Bleh.
The doctor told me on Wednesday that I should feel significantly better in 24 hours after taking the meds. When I felt worse than ever this morning, with a fever of nearly 100 despite having taken ibuprofen about 45 minutes earlier, I decided to call the doctor. I got a very condescending nurse who told me, "Sweetie, meds don't work overnight. You gotta give them at least 72 hours." Ok, I know this normally, but the doctor told me this time specifically that I should feel significantly better by yesterday and wrote a doctor's note for me to miss work and return today. When I was worse than ever, instead of what she told me, I thought I had reason to be concerned. Maybe I was misdiagnosed (she didn't do the strep test with the swabs, she only diagnosed it based on looking at my throat and the symptoms), maybe I need different meds? Well, anyway, here I am making my valiant effort at being here. The nurse told me I should feel 75% better by Sunday. Ugh. "I know you want to get better, but these things don't just go away." Ugh yes, I know! Stop talking to me like I'm an idiot.
I guess I should be more skeptical of what my doctor tells me. After all, it's the same doctor who screwed me up with those horrible girlie problems I had last year. I figured I'd just be more stubborn about knowing when I have a problem and seeing my specialists, who I love, but I figured run of the mill illnesses would be ok. Should I be changing doctors?
Oh yeah, and she also said, "You know, the antibiotics don't cure your of fevers right away. You should be taking things like ibuprofen to take of those kinds of things." YES!! I KNOW! I'M NOT AN IDIOT!! Ugh. Sorry I called.
Posted at 12:14 PM
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Thursday, March 17, 2005
·*Whiiiiiiiiiiine*·
- I had no idea so much pain could come from a throat. Ow ow ow. I was crying most of the night. I actually feel worse now than I did yesterday.
On top of that, it's *that time*. I want to tell it to shut the fuck up because I'm dealing with something else right now.
I can't believe how horribly I feel right now. I've been taking NyQuil every few hours to knock myself out because I just can't deal with this all. I better feel much, much better by tomorrow, because my doctor's note only goes through today. I know I'm being super whiny, but it really is THAT bad. UGHHHHHHHHHH!
Posted at 10:25 AM
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Wednesday, March 16, 2005
·Verdict Is In·
- The verdict is in, and it is strep throat. No wonder I feel so crappy. I was afraid this wasn't the run of the mill sickness. I have a doctor's note that I'm not allowed to go in to work tomorrow either because I am contagious. I'm glad I have a note, or else work might get pissed off.
I'm glad I made the appointment this morning, because I've been feeling worse and worse. I can barely talk from the pain at this point. *gag*
Posted at 6:08 PM
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·American Baby·
- You can download DMB's new single here: American Baby. I'm not sure I like it very much. It's a little bland for what I'm used to hearing from DMB, though it does end very nicely. I wish they had put a little more of that energy throughout the rest of the song. Let's see what the rest of the album is like. May 10!
So I'm here at home sick again. I'm sipping on a milkshake right now, and even that hurts to swallow. I have an appointment at 4:30pm today. Let's see what's wrong with me. I'm miserable!
Posted at 11:03 AM
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Tuesday, March 15, 2005
·Productivity·
- I've gotten a couple things accomplished today, despite my sickly state. I researched some health insurance options, but most importantly, I finally have set things into motion to have my company officially formed. Starting tomorrow, I am president of my own company, Forms of Expression, LLC. How cool is that?? :)
Posted at 1:43 PM
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·*Moan*·
- I'm so sick! I feel like my throat is collapsing. Ugh. Stayed home, obviously. This sucks.
Posted at 11:54 AM
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Monday, March 14, 2005
·Battle of the Sexes·
- One of the things that always irks me is this need so many people have to categorize and define a group of people. I understand that this is human nature to a certain extent, but it drives me crazy sometimes how overboard it goes sometimes, especially when it comes to Men vs. Women.
On Nancies, for example, it seems every week there is a thread started by some confused teenager or college student about why their relationship or potential relationship is screwed up. They start the thread wanting to hear from the opposite sex about what this girl or boy wants. Umm...how the hell should I know? I wonder if they ever stop to think that maybe their relationship would be just a little bit more promising if they stopped to try and figure out what this *individual* wants, not what *boys* or *girls* want. Of course it's impossible to understand girls! It shouldn't be impossible to understand the person you love, though. Just seems so silly.
One of Andrew's friends (the one who just got married two weeks ago), has always been big on the whole men vs. women thing. It's just maddening sometimes. It's not totally offensive since he is so respectful of his now-wife and they are madly in love. They are a cute couple, but he drives me (and sometimes his wife) crazy with these huge generalizations. We lent them our DVDs of Curb Your Enthusiasm a few months ago. Later that week, at dinner, he started talking about how his then-fiancee didn't really like it. "I don't think girls understand Curb Your Enthusiasm," he proclaimed. He was completely bewildered when he found out that I was in fact the one who bought both DVD sets for our household and got Andrew into it. It was like I rocked his view of the world.
Just this weekend, we were out to dinner and this girl walks by with this enormous fuschia sequined purse. It was super, super flashy, but actually kind of cute. His wife pointed it out to me. "Oh look at that purse! That's pretty neat!" His response, "I don't understand why girls notice those kinds of things." Umm. It was a giant fuschia sequined purse!! What's not to notice?? Also, girls happen to be in the market for purses. Boys are not, so I wouldn't expect a guy to notice a non-gigantic, non-fushia, non-sequined purse. (Anyone with eyesight and looking in the general direction should be able to notice a giant, fuschia, sequined purse in my female opinion) There's your reason. I don't think it's anything weird about girls. I don't think we're born to notice purses and other things useless to you.
Anyway, it's not like these things actually piss me off. It's just a very unproductive way of thinking, in my opinion. I know that there are general characteristics that do distinguish the genders that we may have to be miindful of in our relationships (basics like girls like to address their feelings more than men, men are more straightforward). Also, there is a lot of humor to be drawn from a lot of differences and stereotypes, of course. It just strikes me as odd when people take an idea and take it to an extreme and let it influence the way they see everything. I wonder what some of these people would make of me, a girl who hates shopping and loves football but isn't a butch lesbian. There must be something wrong with me! ;)
Posted at 11:46 AM
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·Show-Off Weekend·
- The girls that stayed with us this weekend were very nice. I wish that they could both get into the program, because they were fun to hang out with. Only hard part is that we were constantly taking them to all these various events they had to attend, etc. We ate out every meal. But hey, I finally got myself to a bar again to pretend like "Oh yeah, we always have this much fun in Gainesville." I feel exhausted. I had a rough evening yesterday especially. I went to work out and to my Pilates class (total of an hour and a half). About halfway through Pilates, I was so hungry I started shaking. I wasn't sure if I was going to survive. I felt so horribly sick. When I got home, I felt like I needed food immediately. I gorged myself on half a can of peanuts (A LOT!) and then ate three slices of pizza and a S'Mores Toaster Streudel. Needless to say, I had quite the stomach ache afterward. Oh man. It actually still kind of hurts. What was I thinking?
We did get some gardening in before my workout (which was pretty strenuous, actually, which probably contributed to the way everything unfolded). I did a whole bunch of weeding in the front yard and trimmed back some great flower bushes we have that had gotten some patches of frostbite with our handful of subfreezing days. We bought some hanging plants to place along the entrance. One of them is GORGEOUS!! I can't believe how happy it makes me every time I see it. Andrew worked in the back doing pretty much the same thing as I was in the front, except he was also in charge of mixing up new soil with manure, etc. That manly kind of stuff, you know? Glad he actually likes doing that!
The weather was gorgeous this weekend. Yet again, these prospective students think everything is always fun and perfect here. They must think it's always sunny, breezy, and in the mid-70's here. Of course, today turned warm, muggy, and overcast. Bleh. I don't want summer to get here.
Oh yeah, and of course, to end the whole visit, the Gators end up winning the SEC championship. Oh yeah, we ALWAYS win championships! ;)
Posted at 9:14 AM
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Friday, March 11, 2005
·Because I'm Bored·
- 1. What is the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning?
Pee. After getting up, of course.
2. What was the first pop concert you went to?
Tiffany, opened by New Kids on the Block
3. What was the worst thing that you did as a child?
See earlier post.
4. What is your favorite song?
Constantly changes. Usually it's some DMB song, but every time I go back to REM's Find the River, I get chills and tears.
5. What is your most treasured material possession?
My engagement ring
6. What is the best advice that you've ever received?
Never go to bed angry with each other.
7. What do you think of Bob Dylan?
Andrew has gotten me into him. I love listening to the stories in his songs.
8. When did you last cry, and why?
I've been on the verge of tears at some point probably every other day. Last time I actually cried, though, was probably my pregnancy scare.
9. What characteristics do you think you've inherited from your parents?
Stubborness
10. Are you afraid of failure?
Terrified. I think this is what prevents me from auditioning for bigger projects. I'm having to push myself so hard to pursue the business.
11. What are you like when you're drunk?
I get overly cutesy. Giggle, smiley, etc.
12. Which actor/actress would you have play yourself in a film?
Can I play myself??? ;) I don't know.
13. Do you act like you have more money than you have or less money than you have?
Less money. We save a big chunk of our money and pretend like we don't have it.
14. Is there one piece of criticism that sticks in your mind?
"I can't believe those stretch marks!!"
15. Do you believe in God?
Yes, though I vary on my definition of God.
16. What is your most unpleasant characteristic?
I'm not patient.
17. What is your greatest fear?
Death of someone close to me
18. What ambitions do you still have to fulfill?
My business. I need some sort of professional fulfillment.
19. What do you never leave home without?
I don't know. Keys.
20. Who is your best male friend and your best female friend?
Andrew for male, obviously. It's hard to say for female. Here in town, it's Kim. I have great friends scattered about everwhere that I don't see as often as I'd like, but it's great when I do.
21. Who would you most like to meet?
I'd want to say Dave Matthews, except I'd be too terrified. I guess I'd like to meet some big shot casting director looking for an unknown 20-something female to star in his next film.
22. What music would you like to have played at your funeral?
I'm dead. Not sure why I'd care. If I had my say, it'd probably be DMB's Pig, but I'm not sure the attendees would get out of it what I'd want them to get out of it, so it'd be pointless to give them some song they've never heard and won't be listening to anyway. Just play something pretty, I suppose.
23. When you look in the mirror, do you like what you see?
Depends on the lighting! ;) Nice, soft light, I'm usually happy. The fluorescent light in the bathroom here at work makes my face look like the moon's surface and makes me feel like crying every time.
24. What is your favorite movie?
Waiting for Guffman! If you know me, you know this.
25. If you had a million dollars, what would you do with it?
I'd quit my job ASAP, take a nice vacation, and then start planning for a family.
26. What first attracts you to a person of the opposite sex?
Intellect
27. What was your favorite subject at school?
Theatre. "Real" academic subject, history/geography.
28. If you could spend the night with anyone in the world, who would you choose and why?
For real, just Andrew. In a pretend fantasy world completely detatched from my life now, Dave Matthews.
29. What is the most embarassing thing you've ever done?
See earlier post.
30. Are blogs narcissistic?
Yes, I admit it. I find it's a great way to keep up to date on people you care about, though.
Posted at 3:14 PM
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·*Insert some Friday related title here*·
- It's Friday! Thank goodness. Don't know how much more I can take of this!
I found the name of a couple lawyers in town who practice business law. How to choose among them, I have no idea. I went to the American Bar Association and they have some peer review rankings and all that. I don't know if I need the absolute best one, though. It's not like I'm starting a major corporation here, and I don't know if the high ranking comes along with high fees. I don't know what the typical procedure is. Call around and ask for rates? Weird.
Our visitors arrived last night. They are very nice girls. We took them out to dinner last night with a big group of other prospective students. They're doing a full day of interviews today and a half day tomorrow. They seem very bright and accomplished. Hopefully they'll do well.
Posted at 9:16 AM
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Thursday, March 10, 2005
·Useless Data to Make Me Feel Better·
- There are 29 cities that have internship programs in the field Andrew is going into. He says he'll only apply to the best ones. I don't know all of them, but I know that Brown University in Providence, Rhode Island and Johns Hopkins in Baltimore, Maryland have the top two. Since I know my husband, I would not be surprised if he got into one of these top two. So, though we can end up almost anywhere a little over a year from now, these two are the most likely places. Let's say it's a 50/50 chance we'll be moving to one of these two places.
So, I decided to do a city comparison, Gainesville vs. Providence vs. Baltimore to see what might be in store
City Population
Gainesville 95,447 Baltimore 651,154 Providence 173,618
Advantage: I guess Providence. I want a slightly larger city, but nothing huge
Metro Population
Gainesville 217,955 Baltimore 4,750,159 Providence 955,549
Advantage: same as above
Median Household Income
Gainesville $28,164 Baltimore $30,078 Providence $26,867
Advantage: Baltimore
Unemployment Rate
Gainesville 2.6% Baltimore 8.2% Providence 5.7%
Advantage: Hmm...I guess Gainesville, but I wish there was a way to look at QUALITY jobs
Crime Index (U.S. Average = 100)
Gainesville 179 Baltimore 479 Providence 219
Advantage: Gainesville!
Winter Temperature Range
Gainesville 43/75 Baltimore 23/45 Providence 19/46
Advantage: Gainesville
Spring Temperature Range
Gainesville 56/90 Baltimore 34/74 Providence 38/77
Advantage: Providence
Summer Temperature Range
Gainesville 69/91 Baltimore 2/87 Providence 54/82
Advantage: Providence
Fall Temperature Range
Gainesville 45/82 Baltimore 37/79 Providence 24/64
Advantage: Baltimore
Annual Precipitation
Gainesville 51.00" Baltimore 40.76" Providence 45.53"
Advantage: Baltimore
Annual Snowfall
Gainesville 0.0" Baltimore 21.1" Providence 35.9"
Advantage: Baltimore. It'll be fun to have a little bit of snow for a year.
Cost of Living Index (U.S. average = 100)
Gainesville 110.76 Baltimore 115.29 Providence 89.05
Advantage: Providence
2-Bedroom Apartment Rent
Gainesville $690 Baltimore $1,000 Providence $1,200
Advantage: Gainesville! Why is cost of living so low in Providence, but rent so high? I don't get it.
So by my oh so very scientific study, thanks to the data at HomeFair.com, Providence surprisingly gets the slight advantage. I was looking at BestPlaces.net, since they have more statistics and stuff, but I noticed several that were very obviously wrong. For example, it says Gainesville's Home Appreciation is only 0.3%, while the national average is 7.8%. All I have to say is our house has gone up more than $50K in less than three years, which is more than twice what the supposed national average is! Also, it says we have two Starbucks...we actually have five that I can count! ;)
Anyway, it's interesting. Rhode Island, incidentally, is one of only two states on the eastern seaboard to which I've never been. (Maine is the other) Hopefully I'm up for the adventure.
Posted at 4:03 PM
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·Exercise Weights·
- Last night I worked out again for an hour, but for some reason it was really killing me. I was ready to give up after 15 minutes of the StairMaster, but fortunately, Kim was egging me on to finish up the 30 minutes. Then, we went to our Abs and Glutes class. I did every exercise the number of times we were supposed to, unlike a lot, if not most, of the people in the class. Hell if it didn't kick my ass, though. Good God, I was a mess. Every move was making me shake by the end and I was once again approaching beet red. The worst, oh God the worst, was the Plank.
I was just wiped out afterward. Andrew and Brent got done playing racquetball just as we were done with the class, and I declared that there was no way I was cooking dinner. We stopped for some take-out and for some groceries. When we got home, though, I forgot that I had to clean the entire house because we are hosting two prospective students that are arriving today. I was so not in the mood. The downstairs was pretty clean, but I had completely procrastinated with the upstairs since hardly anyone sees it. This time, someone is sleeping in the upstairs office, so I had to make that floor spotless too. Ugh. It took me forever. I didn't finish until bedtime. Man, I was exhausted.
So yeah, we have two girls staying with us from today through Sunday. They are applying to Andrew's program. We've hosted people every year we've been here. It's usually fairly fun, but I was certainly not excited about it last night. Bleh.
Oh, and to cap it all off, Kim was tellng me how she's lost 15 lbs since September just by picking up her exercise routine and watching what she eats more carefully. I didn't know she had any weight to lose. She was always cute, but she does look great now, so I guess I just didn't notice the weight before? I don't know. Anyway, it hit me that I haven't weighed myself since late January or so, so I have no idea if my weight has changed at all. I got on the scale last night, and I weighed more than I've ever weighed in my entire life!!! What?? I've never been one to worry over weight, but that got to me. Andrew said I shouldn't weigh myself at night with clothes on, just after eating, etc. Ok, so I weighed myself this morning right after my shower...and I weighed 8lbs less. Huh?? Yes, I had jeans and a big bulky sweatshirt on last night when I weighed myself, but 8lbs different?? Where did it go? I don't get it. This is why I don't weigh myself more, because it makes no sense to me. If my pants start fitting better, then I'll be happy. Still waiting on that, though.
Posted at 9:33 AM
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Wednesday, March 09, 2005
·The Worst Thing I've Ever Done, Take Two·
- I started off writing the last post with a different point in mind. I chickened out and just let it rest on the opening topic. I think I'll write where I was going with it all, though.
So, in light of my social experiences in middle school, you might think that I would be especially sensitive to others on the same boat as I was. The truth is, I wasn't quite.
Despite being the butt of a whole lot of jokes, I did have a number of friends. Even within this group of about 8 or so "friends" however, there was a hierarchy. There were some girls who made it clear to the rest of us that they were awfully cool and probably would have dropped us in a heartbeat had one of the actual popular girls befriended them. There were also the girls who were decidedly on the bottom rung and were allowed to be seen around us and not much more. I was keenly aware of my precarious status, dangerously close to that lowest level. I was teased and embarrassed by the cooler girls. I overheard them making fun of me to other people in our grade. I was the official look-out for them while they made out with their boyfriends.
Still, there were a couple of girls who were there just slightly below me. Rather than bonding in our unfortunate caste, I have to admit that I was not much better than the girls higher up. As horribly insecure as I was, I decided that I needed to separate myself and prove that I was much cooler than those even more lowly girls. I sought the cooler girls' approval by putting them down too, hoping it would prove that I was at least cooler than them.
I don't recall being the ringleader in any teasing sessions, but I certainly played along, at least to keep the subject off of me. One instance, though, stands out in my mind above the rest. I still to this day can't believe I was a part of it, and I am forever ashamed.
One of the bottom rung girls had a birthday party at her house. The rest of us went, but laughing the whole time about what a dorky party it was going to be, of course. The other girls decided that we should rent The Hand That Rocks the Cradle. I knew that was a rated R movie, and my parents did not allow me to watch those. I said I had to call my parents first. You can imagine the ridicule that ensued from that! Eventually, one of the especially bad girls (she really was a cruel little bitch) decided that we should play a game outside. She let the rest of us in on a little secret, though. We were going to pretend to play an Egg Toss, where you have a partner and try to throw an egg from one plastic spoon to another without breaking it. The twist was, though, that on the count of three, rather than playing the game, we were going to turn around and egg the birthday girl. Everyone was bursting at the seams trying to hold their giggles. Two of the girls (I think Lane was one of them) decided they wanted no part in this. Still reeling from my "I have to call my parents" episode, I decided I was game.
So the time came, and we all lined up. I remember looking to my right and seeing the girl there naively thinking we were all really excited about this game. And then came the count. 1...2...3. I hesitated for a half second to see if everyone was going to actually go through with it, and they did! I remember seeing the eggs fly through the air and break open all over her. I panicked and threw mine at her real quick. As soon as it left my fingers, I realized for the first time what I had done. My egg ended up landing on the grass in front of her, but the damage had already been done. Some of the girls were laughing wildly, but I looked over at this girl dripping in eggs and could not believe that I did nothing to stop this. She was shocked and eventually ran inside. I didn't see her again that day. Her mom gave us hell for it, obviously, and we all went home early.
The girls who didn't participate were horrified at the rest of us, and one or two of us who played along grew a conscience pretty quickly. I pointed out to everyone, "Well, mine didn't actually hit her," and attempted to console myself with that.
That was 8th grade, and it was the end of a lot of things for me. A lot of those girls ended up going to different schools. I was tired of the pettiness and decided I was just fine being a dork. I surrounded myself with more genuine friends in high school. I was still the pariah for most of the kids in school and felt pretty insecure about it all, but I had some very good friends who were great to me.
I still think back to that day, though, and can't believe I'm the same person who threw that egg at that poor girl. I still remember it all hitting me as soon as that egg left my hand. I can't think of anything more humiliating than what we did to her. I'm just thankful that I feel very distant from who I was back then. I hope that girl was able to find genuine friends like I was able to find. I realize that it could have just as easily been me at the receiving end of that vicious act. I'm still haunted by it and feel sick to my stomach.
Posted at 3:28 PM
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·Hell...O Operator·
- I was always teased when I was younger and was always kind of an outsider. When I moved from Puerto Rico, I didn't know about the same TV shows, games, songs, etc. that the rest of the kids knew, so it was hard to interact on that level. Remember the playgrounds when all the girls would get together with those clapping games like "Miss Suzy had a steamboat..."? I didn't know any English ones, so I just watched from afar. I also loved school and didn't understand why people weren't all excited to be learning how to spell or memorizing the state capitals. It's not hard to figure out why I didn't exactly fit in with the other kids.
When I hit middle school, things got a bit worse for me socially. My growth was seemingly stunted, and I was the teeniest tiniest girl in the whole grade. I also had huge pink glasses and braces. To top it all off, my mom used to dress me in 6th grade. She sent me to school in frilly dresses and big bows so that I would make a good impression on the teacher. I'm not kidding. No amount of arguing that we weren't in Venezuela anymore would sway her for a while until finally things got a bit better around 7th grade. The damage had been done, however, so between my straight A's, Geography Bee championship, Perfect Attendance Award, huge glasses, and poofy dresses, I was pretty solidly branded a dork.
I remember showing up to a school dance when I was in 6th grade. One of my friends was supposed to meet me there, but she was running late. None of my friends were there. I was just standing by the side, but felt stupid and self-conscious. I spotted a group of other 6th graders dancing together, so I decided that maybe I could go there and be fine. It took a lot of guts, but I went up there and started dancing to some Bobby Brown song or whatever. I thought I was getting some weird looks, but I kept telling myself it was just my stupid insecurity and that I was being good by getting myself out there and showing a little confidence. Well, that came crashing down when the guy next to me finally turned to me and said, "What are you doing here??" A lot of giggling and snickering ensued from the rest of my classmates. I was so humiliated. I promptly left the group and stood by the door, desperately waiting for my friend. I wanted to cry so badly, but I didn't want to add to my dorkiness by having everyone see me cry. I just bit my lip and tried to hold down the painful lump in my throat.
In 7th grade, I got a little note from a boy asking me to be his girlfriend. I was elated! We wrote each other notes back and forth, I sat with him at lunch, I watched him play basketball during break. It was just great. Exactly a week later, he broke up with me. It came out that he won some money on a bet that he couldn't date me for a week. If that's not a blow to the self-esteem of a girl entering puberty, I don't know what is.
Posted at 10:53 AM
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·Shameless Plug·
- This morning was oddly productive in that I managed to figure out the gameplan for my business in the time between my shower and getting dressed. Andrew and I figured that if I get the smaller machine (and invest in the additional air filter so I don't need a vent), I can set up shop in the room we use as an office at home and get a separate storage space for my inventory. The downside is that I'll be having to shuttle back and forth, back and forth for all the materials as needed, but I happen to live less than half a mile away from two storage facilities. Considering that a storage space would cost me well under $100 a month vs. renting a whole office space for a few hundred, the difference in cost is well worth the five minutes it'll take me whenever I need to access my stuff. Hopefully, I'll develop a strong back, too. This is at least a good plan to start off with. I will have no major commitments besides the machine itself.
Oh shoot. I just realized that I need to find out if the machine can even plug into a regular wall. It says that the electrical requirement is 600 Watts (110/220V). I have no idea what a regular outlet in my house can do. Anyone know? Should I call an electrician to make sure everything checks out?
Posted at 8:46 AM
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Tuesday, March 08, 2005
·A Remedy is What I'm Seeking·
- I've been kind of depressed all day and I wasn't sure why. I've been on the verge of tears nearly all day, and I'm not even PMSing. It just hit me now, though. This is my third anniversary at this job. I've been here three years. Three. The plan, even from the get-go, was to be here one and work up to something else. I'm still here. Wow. I can hardly stand it anymore. Over and over and over and over again, I've been so sure I was finding a way out of this, but no. I've had so many potential quitting dates in mind, and all of them have come and gone.
I'm setting a new one, though. Come mid-August, I hope to be able to leave this. I want to start business operations in June and have a good idea of my potential sales by August, give my two weeks, and be done at last. Will it work? Hopefully history won't repeat itself. Can I even do five more months??
Posted at 3:36 PM
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·Warehouse or Dungeon·
- I've been looking for reasonably priced office space for the business. The cheapest I've found in regular commercial listings is a 1200 sq ft warehouse space for $560/mo. Not completely unreasonable, but I don't need all that space. I think I can do well with 300-500 sq ft. Right down the street from me is a storage place that also has office space for rent. I just called them and the only thing they had available was a 9x10 space with no windows. Eeek! That's just a storage unit they converted. Man, that sounds awful! It is only $71/mo though! Can't I find anything in between??
Update: I was trying some more searches when the most interesting thing came up. Guess which city made the top three list of lowest office space vacancy, therefore making it hardest to find a place...yes, little Gainesville, FL. How crazy is that??? Only 3% of offices were vacant.
Posted at 11:32 AM
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·Responsibility·
- This has become my least favorite word. Responsibility seems to be the synonym for everything that is wrong in my life. It's a good thing I don't have a baseball bat on me right now, because if I did, I would be prancing around bashing in every gorgeous window in this place.
God, people are just so ridiculous sometimes!! Honestly!
Posted at 10:28 AM
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·I Love Technology·
- I just typed out a long-ass post that completely disappeared. Just vanished. Argh!!
I don't feel like typing it all out. It was called Happy Hour Blues. I got together with three of my friends for Happy Hour yesterday. All four of us are here because our significant others are in school pursuing advanced degrees. (Two have live-in boyfriends, one is married) You can imagine where the conversations went! We all traded our sob stories and compared our sporadic temper tantrums. It was amusing and sad at the same time, but at least we know we're not alone! I guess we all signed up for this!
Posted at 9:34 AM
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Monday, March 07, 2005
·When the Middle of No Where is Somewhere·
- Man, I'm so upset that I can't go this year. Take a look at this. Good God.
Posted at 12:26 PM
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·Subject Says It All·
- I decided to get with the program and add titles to my posts. Hopefully I can get somewhat creative with them.
Posted at 12:07 PM
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·Off the Hook and On the Run·
- *Whew* I finally got it out of the way and told my boss about the screw up. I totally played it down though. I told him I slipped up on the deadline, but already called the agency and already had people working on the numbers so that I could turn it in as late as tomorrow. Of course, I didn't tell him that the agency had told me no extensions and that I had JUST given the requests out this morning, but hell, I'm off hte hook so long as I can get the agency to accept this report!! Here's hoping!
Yesterday, I worked out on the StairMaster for half an hour and then went to the hour long Pilates class. When I came home, I still hadn't had enough, so we took Lucky out and chased him around throwing balls and sticks. I was a bundle of energy. It feels so good to be active and on a regular workout schedule. I only have mild soreness. I love feeling that gradually decrease as I get more and more fit. Plus, for the first time yesterday, I noticed the shape of my thigh muscles through the workout pants I was wearing, rather than a shapeless blob. Go me.
Happy Hour after work today. Woo!
Posted at 10:10 AM
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·Largest Orgasms in the World and Life as an Innocent Child·
- I'm so nervous about fessing up to my boss right when he comes in!! I hope this whole ordeal works out.
That aside...I had a great weekend in Orlando. It's been a while since I spent a whole weekend with my family, so that was nice. Unfortuantely, we had to meet up with one of my mom's cousins for lunch on Saturday. We only see him once every few years since he lives in Bermuda, but we dread it each time. He is just so weird. We tried prepping Andrew for how weird and annoying he is. Well, right off the bat, within the first five minutes of greeting each other, etc., he is really excited about playing a CD for us. It's a CD that his father had recorded. He liked to record whale songs. I thought that might be interesting. This specific recording he wanted us to hear, however, was of whales mating. The whole thing was more than 15 minutes long, and little did we know, whales apparently have orgasms. His narration of it all was so creepy. Sometimes one of the whales would go "Oooo Woooo WEEEEE EEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" and he'd be funny and make O-faces. Dear lord. My husband had just met the guy five minutes ago! In some other situation, it may have been interesting on some level, but this was just so weird.
My parents had a cowboy/western theme party to go to on Saturday night, so we went shopping with them for their costumes. They looked so cute! They said everyone was telling them that they had the best costumes there. Bobby, Andrew and I just played Star Wars Life for the night. It's always nice to spend time with him, though.
Yesterday morning, we watched an old home video. It was Bobby's 4th Birthday. He was the cutest little kid ever! It was hysterical, though! As everyone is singing Happy Birthday to him in front of the cake, he's all giddy and smiling with a lollipop in his hand. The kid next to him decided to grab his lollipop. A tug of war ensues while everyone continues to sing the song. (In PR we also add a Spanish birthday song, so it lasts a bit of time before you blow out the candles!) Finally, the time for the candles comes, and Bobby hasn't yet gotten the gross little kids hands off the lollipop. So, he quickly abandons the fight for the lollipop to blow out the candles, and then turns back around to pluck the lollipop back from the kid just in time for the kid's mom to take him away. Then, the time for the cutting of the cake comes, and I show up promptly to order him around as to exactly how he should do it. I was so bossy!!
The funniest was when it came time for the pinata. When the thing finally busted, some of those kids went hog wild and were shoving and elbowing everyone left and right for all the candy. I quickly receed and just stare from afar with the most pathetic look on my face. My mom felt bad for Bobby and I, so she jumped in herself to grab some candy for us. Unfortunately, she was only able to muster up a small handful for each. I didn't like any of the candies I got. I was so sad. The camera follows me walking up to various people in the party to show them my pathetic little handful of gross candies and retell my woeful story. What a dramtic child I was! Bobby was always the gleeful child. He walked around happy as could be.
Posted at 8:50 AM
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Friday, March 04, 2005
·I'm Fucked·
- I completely fucked up at work. Excuse my language, but it's a bit more than a screw-up. And it's all my fault. Completely, 100% my fault. Wow. I was supposed to submit this huge report on March 1, and I just forgot. Not only forgot to submit it by then, but also forgot to even begin gathering all that data for it. WOW. I don't know what I was thinking. I just did all I could do, but there are so many figures that are dependent on other people who aren't here of course due to Spring Break. When they get here on Monday, I'm going to have to beg them to get them to me ASAP and then try to see if the agency will accept the report a week late. I contacted them to ask for an extension, and they said no extensions. God. We'll see what happens. My boss is going to be furious with me. I feel sick.
Posted at 3:02 PM
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·WonderMutt·
- I've gotten pretty bored of my blog template. I tried looking around for new ones, but I was afraid to make the switch. So I'm sticking to this for now, I guess.
I could cry. I called the specialist vet to get an idea how much allergy treatments would be for Lucky. It's $98 just to be seen, $185 for the allergy test to determine what exactly he is allergic to, and then the treatment averages around $150 for the initial shots, and then vials and syringes for $120 that last 2-3 months at a time. UGH. Looks like we're stuck giving him his steriods every day, antihistimines twice a day, skin pills once a day, alcohol pads twice a day and special shampoos twice a week forever and ever and ever. I could scream. I guess this is what we get for getting a dog who is so perfect in every other way. Seriously. He has never chewed anything, never peed on anything, and never gotten into anything he's not supposed to. He sits, stays, lies down, rolls over, shakes, and speaks on command. He is friendly to everyone who comes and barks meanly if strangers come too close to the house. He loves playing when you want to, but doesn't get hyper when you're not in the mood. He never begs for food or takes any food you leave on the coffee table. He lets you know when there is a bug in the room, but he won't eat it. He'll snuggle up with you, and he's never every slobbery. He's so perfect...except his friggin' allergies are so damn expensive!!! Why why why??
Posted at 2:01 PM
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·Quick to Judge·
- Well, I had gotten over how fast my brother-in-law and his fiancee have moved. I wondered what the big rush was as they frantically plan their wedding which will take place months before their first anniversary. But then I reflected back on my own relationship with Andrew and admitted that, yes, I already suspected Andrew and I would get married within the first few months. If I hadn't been in school, we might have jumped into marriage a bit sooner. Plus, I think when your older (they're both my age), things move a bit more quickly than when you're in college distracted by all the millions of exciting things you can do. So, I've been glad for them and they call me for wedding planning advice, etc. It's been exciting!
Last night, however, I found out that they hadn't even talked about marriage before they got engaged. Well that would still be alright if they hadn't started planning a wedding still before talking about the nitty gritty stuff. She was accepted to Chapel Hill's Nursing program. She's an R.N. now, but aspired to be a nurse practitioner. He had been accepted into Greensboro's Speech Therapy program. Greensboro is 30-45 minutes from Chapel Hill. When he proposed, he figured they could both attend school and live somewhere in between and it wouldn't be a bad commute. That plan, however, they just decided was not going to work since they would have no source of income whatsoever. So, with wedding plans thoroughly underway, they had to make a decision. So, she has withdrawn her acceptance to the nursing program.
I don't know, after I had accepted everything, now I'm wondering again. It seems like they jumped into this too soon. It seems like you just have to figure things out before you plan this. I know weddings are exciting, and they are madly in love, but I'm hoping they're not shooting their marriage in the foot by rushing into it. The thing is, this will also be John's third attempt at going to school for a certain career. I hope he's really, really certain about this one, because he has a habit of doing something for a year and dropping it. God help him if he ends up not liking this career after the first year, because she will have ditched her studies in a more lucrative career, quit her job with years of seniority, and moved away from her family for him to pursue this. I don't know. It just seems so needlessly burdensome. They would have only been living half an hour from each other, which is hardly what I would call a long-distance relationship. I'm questioning again what the big rush is all about. But there I go being judgemental again. Yes, I'm a bitch. The only consolation I have about being such a bitch is that it seems my in-laws are very uneasy about this whole thing as well. It's no one's place to tell them how they should do things, however. I'll just have to get over myself and trust that they know what they're doing and be happy for them.
In other news, I had to take Lucky to the vet yesterday yet again for his allergies. Every time we have to take him in,it costs more than twice as much money as it cost for us to adopt him in the first place. Ugh! If his allergies weren't so violent, I think we'd try to squeeze by without all these stupid treatements. But bleeding paws and pain so bad is causes shaking is not exactly something we can just sit and watch happen! So right now, he is on steroids once a day, anti-histiminestwice a day, some alcohol wipes to clean off his paws to prevent infection twice a day, some pills that help the condition of his skin once a day, and two different shampoo treatments that we're supposed to be doing twice a week and leaving in for ten minutes at a time each. Honestly, it's ridiculous. Last year, we were given the number of a dog allergist. We laughed at this idea, but honestly, we're considering it now. We're spending probably close to $500 a year on his allergies already anyway. Maybe she can give him some shots and he can get over it better so we don't have to keep doing all these things. Honestly, it's just too much. I can't believe this mutt is so complicated!!
Posted at 9:29 AM
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Thursday, March 03, 2005
·Beet Red·
- It's so cold and damp outside! Brrr! It's even cold in here. I made the mistake of thinking I could get away with sandals today. Now I can't get my feet warm!
There is NO ONE here. Wow. Just the cleaning crew and two professors. I'm basically by myself. It is so quiet. I haven't done anything all week. I like the quiet, but it's getting a bit boring.
We'll be heading down to Orlando tomorrow. It's been ages since we spent an entire weekend there. Just a day here and there, so it'll be nice.
I did one of those cardio machines last night, and I forgot how bright red my face gets when I do the cardio thing too much. I was embarrassingly red. Not sure why that happens. I'm sweating, obviously, but I don't feel like I'm overheating or anything. I did the machine for half an hour before I finally decided to switch over to the stair stepper thing, which is a bit easier on the heart. The doctor says it's good to elevate my heart rate, but not to push it with intense cardio workouts. I like exercising, but things like aerobics, treadmills, etc. are really bad! I love Pilates, the stair stepper, and my abs and glutes class because they work out my muscles and get my heart pumping without putting a strain on it. And they don't make me turn beet red!
Posted at 11:44 AM
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Wednesday, March 02, 2005
·Destruc...I mean, Construction Zone·
- I completely destroyed a cone this morning. They just started construction across the street from my neighborhood and have cones set up along the double yellow line in the middle of the road for some reason. They have been there a couple of days I saw them this morning, but I guess they didn't leave a gap in front of the entrance of my neighborhood like they did yesterday. I made a left turn, and WHAM!! I had no idea what happened until I saw the bright orange tip flail up and then get sucked back under my car. WOW! Those things are much harder and much louder than I expected them to be. They are also quite easy to get stuck in your wheel. I struggled to pull off into the grass when it finally decided to pop back off. I was going to get out and put it back, but when I looked in the rear view mirror, it hardly resembled a cone at all. It was a mangled mess of orange and black. No hope for it at all. Wow. I can't believe it was completely destroyed. Oops. Why did they not leave more space for someone to turn left out of there? I was focusing on avoiding the cars, not plotting the perfect angle to weave through. Anyway, I felt like a complete idiot.
Posted at 1:37 PM
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·Gimme that Stage!·
- My in-laws are leaving soon around noon. I actually had a very nice time with them. They are wonderful. I even managed to serve a semi-warm meal last night too!
We went out to see Our Town last night at the Hipp, the professional theatre in town. Now, I have never actually seen this play besides being in the two productions I've done. I didn't know what to expect. Honestly, I have such a close connection with this play. I know it backwards and forward so well that I could tell any line that was cut, any line said out of order, and any scene that was moved around. It was a strange feeling. Worst of all, though, I could not believe how absolutely painful it was to see someone else play MY role. MY role. Seriously. I had to restrain myself not to get up and leave or shout out for her to get it right. I was not expecting such a strong reaction from myself. I guess I'm more jealous and petty than I thought. Fortunately, I was able to sit through it. As we were leaving, I was expecting everyone to say what a horrible actress she was, but they liked her. Wow! Was I that blinded by it all? I suck.
I still think I would have done a better job if I had been able to do it. :P
Besides my incredible jealousy with seeing someone else take the role that was all mine, mine, mine, it was so bizarre to experience the play from the audience. In my head, I was reciting all of my lines and I was even moved as my character would have been moved. Such an alien experience. The scene were Emily cries as she's telling George about his faults, well, it's supposed to be a funny scene, but there I was teary eyed because I WAS Emily. SO WEIRD. I mean, really. Wow. I was feeling everything Emily was feeling, crying and all. Even as we left the theatre and the four of us were talking about, I kept saying, "The scene were I...I mean, the scene were Emily..."
This is my favorite role of my entire life and it holds so much significance for me. It was my very first leading role ever as a sophomore in high school. It was also my first leading role as a freshman in college, making my mark on the college scene and leaving seniors in supporting roles. I mean, this is my signature role.
I'm coming to the terrible realization that I've getting to be too old to play it. Can I really play a 17 year old anymore? Terrible to think. The girl who played it in this production is probably 3 or 4 years younger than me, so I might have been able to play it as well as she did, but I don't think I'll be able to next time a production of this comes around. Would I have to audition for the role of my mother next time?? Wow! That would be so bizarre.
In any case, seeing this last night, connecting to the acting as intensely as I did, made me realize that I really need to get back to theatre. It's been a year at this point, and it's crazy how much I miss it. I need to get back to looking up auditions more regularly. Need to get on the ball again. This part of me was busting at the seams last night.
Update: About ten minutes after I posted this, I received an email about auditions in Ocala for Streetcar Named Desire. I jumped, thinking that this was my big opportunity. I LOVE this play. Who cares if Ocala is a far commute? It was actually a paying gig!! I looked up more information....the show runs through May 1. I leave on my vacation April 29. :(
Posted at 9:55 AM
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Tuesday, March 01, 2005
·It's that Time Again·
- Ah, tour date announcement date. So many emotions so mixed up together. It's always the same feeling. This year, it's a bit more disappointment than usual. I'm used to lusting over the big stops like Alpine and Gorge, but due to the schedule, I can't make either one. Alpine is the same weekend as my brother-in-law's wedding, and if I'm still at this job, Gorge is right during the most extreme busy time of the entire year. SPAC or SF would be the only major shows outside of Florida I could possibly fit into the schedule, but I'm not going to make a big effort if there isn't some sort of huge, organized following for those.
Just the Florida shows, then. The Tampa one is Thursday, July 14. Then, there are two West Palm shows on that Saturday and Sunday. Usually, Tampa is much more convenient, but my brother is going to be moving just half an hour north of West Palm toward the end of the summer. Maybe we can coordinate some sort of apartment shopping trip for that weekend and hit the Saturday show. We'll see what his schedule allows!
Posted at 8:27 AM
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