Random Musings...
Thursday, September 30, 2004
You are like a butterfly
A caterpillar's dream to fly
So bust out of this old cacoon
Dry your wings off
Butterfly
Go ahead and fly
It's always such a lonely road
It's sudden like a broken bone
Your luck won't always come along
But dry your tears away
Butterfly
Go ahead and fly
Dry your tears away
Butterfly
Don't you cry
My first time actually listening to the words of this new Dave song.
Week from tomorrow!!
In case anyone was curious as to how much I have travelled for Dave:
Roanoke '98: 354 miles RT
Raleigh '98: 326 miles RT
Charleston '99: 456 miles RT
Raleigh '01: 326 miles RT
Charlotte '01: 36 miles RT
Tampa '01: 210 miles RT
Tampa '02: 266 miles RT
Atlanta '03: 662 miles RT
Rochester '03: 3014 miles RT
Tampa '04: 266 miles RT
Alpine '04: 2700 miles RT (for both shows, not including the Madison part of the trip)
Gainesville '04: 8 miles RT
Total: 8624 miles! Wow!
Posted at 4:40 PM
Comments...
Permalink
......
A nice thing about the workshop: I have now eaten 4 Hershey's mini-bars. I forgot how gooooooooooooooooooooooooooood chocolate is on days like these. I don't tend to keep it around, but it's a godsend when it comes at the right time like this. I could eat a million of these.
Posted at 3:23 PM
Comments...
Permalink
......
Just came back from the pizza/therapy session. As predicted, I only got my two slices of pizza, but they had goodie baskets with all sorts of things which helped make my belly happy.
We took a "Work Stressors Survey" It was pretty interesting because it breaks down different areas of your job so that you can identify which are the areas that need to change and which are the areas that are good, rather than just saying "My job is stressful." Since I have nothing else to do, I'm typing up the whole thing below. Feel free to fill it out yourself and see where you fall! My answers are in parentheses.
Work related stressors can occur in many different areas. Before you can start reducing stress in your life, you must first idenify the things that create stress for you. Think about how often you encounter the following situations at work and indicate the frequency for each using the following scale:
1=Never
2=Rarely
3=Occassionally
4=Usually
5=Constantly
A. Disagreement & Indecision
(3) Unsure of co-workers expectations.
(3) Unfriendly attitude in co-workers.
(4) Job responsibilities go against your better judgement.
(5) Can't satisfy conflicting demands from superiors.
(4) Trouble refusing overtime.
(19) Total for Section A
B. Pressure on the Job
(2) Overloaded at work, unable to complete tasks during an average day.
(2) Too much supervision.
(1) Job requirements are taking their toll on your private life.
(2) Rushed to complete work or short on time.
(3) Too much red tape.
(10) Total for Section B
C. Job Description Conflict
(5) Uncertainty about your exact job responsibilities.
(3) Too much teamwork
(5) Poor flow of information to you to properly carry out your job.
(4) Not enough authority for you to properly do your job.
(2) Discomfort in handling unethical assignments.
(19) Total for Section C
D. Communications & Comfort with Supervisor
(4) Ideas differ from those of your supervisor.
(3) Trouble talking to boss.
(4) Unable to predict supervisor's reactions.
(3) Boss gives little feedback about your work.
(3) Boss is overly critical of your work.
(17) Total for Section D
E. Job Related Health Concerns
(2) Work conditions are unhealthy.
(1) Physical danger exists at work place.
(2) Heavy physical tasks to complete.
(2) Hostile threats from co-workers (Only when Paul was here)
(3) Sick days are discouraged.
(10) Total for Section E
F. Work Overload Stress
(2) Can't consult with others on projects
(3) Co-workers are inefficient
(1) Often take work home to complete
(4) Responsible for too many people/projects
(3) Shortage of help at work.
(13) Total for Section F
G. Work Underload Stress
(4) Too little responsibility at work.
(5) Overqualified at your job.
(5) Little chance for growth exists.
(4) Trying to "look" busy on job. (Hi, I'm typing furiously right now)
(4) Feeling unstimulated.
(22) Total for Section G
H. Boredom Induced Stress
(4) Repetitive or highly specialized routine.
(5) Not learning anything new.
(5) Can't see final outcome of your efforts
(4) Job is too easy.
(5) Daydreaming frequently.
(23) Total for Section H
I. Problem of Job Security
(2) Fear of being laid-off or fired.
(1) Worry about poor pension
(1) Concerned about low wages.
(3) Need "pull" to get ahead.
(1) Could be fired without cause.
(8) Total for Section I
J. Time Pressure
(2) Constant reminds that "time is money."
(2) Staring and ending times are rigid.
(3) Monotonous pace of work.
(3) Not enough breaks or meal time.
(2) Work pace is too fast.
(12) Total for Section J
K. Job Barrier Stress
(5) Hope for advancement or raise is limited.
(4) Sex/age discrimination exists at job.
(5) Not suited to job.
(4) Work has no personal meaning.
(4) Work goes unrecognized.
(22) Total for Section K
For each section, add the numbers association with your answers and record them in the list below. Put a star (*) next to the highest scoring cateogry.
A. Disagreement & Indecision--(19)
B. Pressure on the Job--(10)
C. Job Description Conflict--(19)
D. Communication & Comfort with Supervisor--(17)
E. Job-Related Health Concerns--(10)
F. Work-Overload Stress--(13)
G. Work Underload Stress--(22)
H. Boredom Induced Stress--(23*)
I. Problem of Job Security (8)
J. Time Pressure--(12)
K. Job Barrier Stress--(22)
TOTAL SCORE (add scores A to K)--(175)
Within each area scores will range from 5 to 25. Scores of 14 or above suggest problem areas. Overall scores will fall within the 55 to 275 range. Overal scores of 135 or above would suggest an unusual amount of work related stress.
Copyright 2001 American Institute for Preventative Medicine
I'm assuming 40 points about "unusual amount" signals something is amiss here.
Posted at 2:18 PM
Comments...
Permalink
......
Today we are getting free pizza as part of a staff workshop at the Dean's Office. I have a love/hate relationship with free pizza events. The love is obvious. I love pizza and I love free. Awesome. The hate part, however, is that I'm always worried that if I eat everything I want to eat, it'll look bad. Seriously, I'd eat half a pizza if I could, but these free pizza events seem to factor in about two slices per person. I'd easily and gladly double that. So though I love each and every last bite of my free pizza, I have yet to come out of one of these with a satisfied stomach. I take two slices at first to be somewhat polite, though most people just take one. If it seems like no one will notice, I try to go back for seconds, but by then there is only one twisted and overly handled piece of the good kind left, and then like three slices of the gross topping ones. I wonder what today's free pizza day has in store for me. Come on and overestimate for my sake!
The reason behind this free pizza is that the Dean has been made aware of many concerns regarding the mental state of us staff people. Apparently, I'm not the only one who has been threatening to quit as of late. The Dean decided to bring in a psychologist to come talk to us about how to cope with our jobs. I'm not kidding. But like I said...FREE PIZZA!!
Posted at 9:28 AM
Comments...
Permalink
......
I'm exhausted. At 4:30am, I woke up and felt like something was crawling on my back. Having way too much sense for that hour of the night, I thought to myself how it is probably one of those phantom sensations that I was imagining in my sleep. I kind of swatted my back and tried to sleep again. Then, I felt it again. So, to prove to myself that I was imagining things, I rolled over to my back so that I could cancel out the sensation or something. A few moments laterl, the crawling began to crawl up my side. THAT'S IT! I sat up and started swatting myself, ripping off my shirt, and generally freaking out. This woke Andrew up of course. He turned on the light and we looked around to see what we could find. For a while, we couldn't see anything until we spotted on tiny ant crawling on the sheet. My first thought was "Oh good! It was just an ant. Stupid thing." But then, I realize that I don't know if I've ever had an ant in my bed before. We don't bring anything other than water upstairs. How'd it get there? Oh well.
My family is coming tomorrow to spend the weekend with us since those plans fell through last week. We also managed to get my dad a ticket for the Gators game too. Woohoo! He'll get to use the snazzy Gator shirt we got him for his birthday (in blue of course!). I bought myself a new tanktop too, which I'm so excited about because sitting in that heat for hours in Gator t-shirts is even too much. Here's something I neglected to buy myself, though. (WTF??) Actually, when shopping around, I was amazed at the vast quantity of really random stuff they think to put a Gator logo on. I dare you to click on any of those words in that last sentenc. You will be amazed. Truly amazing, this place. The scary thing is, though, that browsing through those random things to find good links, I passed a lot of things that "weren't so bad" or "kinda cute."
Posted at 8:17 AM
Comments...
Permalink
......
Wednesday, September 29, 2004
I'm so afraid of finding out how much it's going to cost to repair the leaks in our house. I don't know who we have to call to get our windows air- (and water-) tight and get the entire area framing the window redone. It got so much water it is literally crumbling. It's brown and falls off in chunks when you touch it. NOT good. The worst part is it already had some slight damage when we bought it due to some humidity getting in. I'm afraid that an insurance person would recognize that and tell us that it was a preexisting condition, therefore they can not be responsible. I would love to just have the entire area redone and new windows put in and everything, but I have a feeling that would cost a fortune. :( UGH!! I'm SO not in the mood to spend the money that was supposed to be for my new, beautiful countertop just so the house doesn't stink and collapse.
Posted at 4:08 PM
Comments...
Permalink
......
There are great things about this new phone system, and incredibly annoying things. One nice thing, everyone has their own phone number. This helps tremendously with the amount of traffic I used to get on my phone. Most of the time, people know exactly who they need to talk to. The annoying thing about that, though, is that the system is not really built for a receptionist. If I do not answer the phone, there is no automated system that lets people spell out a person or enter in an extension number, etc. They just get diverted to my voice mail. Also, sometimes, I still get several calls at once. If I'm wrapping up a call and about to transfer them to someone, but someone else calls in the meantime, I am unable to transfer the first call. I have to answer the second call, transfer them, and then go back to the original call and transfer them then. SO annoying. It's already come up several times. I narrowly avoided having three lines tied up when I just finished transferring someone and the phone rang again. Ugh!
But it still rings less, so I can't complain too much, I suppose.
Posted at 3:10 PM
Comments...
Permalink
......
Amazing what a minute can do...
One of the things that is most terrifying in this life is how many life-altering changes can occur in the blink of an eye.
My mom to this day is paranoid about mosquitos. She gets so upset everytime she find a bite on me. She tells me all of the time to use bug spray before going out. With all of this hurricane stuff going on right now, any Floridian can tell you very easily that the mosquito situation right now is worse than ever. All of the floods everywhere have become breeding grounds, and public health officials are afraid of outbreaks of mosquito born diseases. So my mom, of all people, is worried. Just this weekend, she was nearly teary-eyed, asking us to be careful. Why? Because when she was pregnant with my brother, she got dengue fever. Ever since that mosquito decided to bite my mother at that time, it began a life of consequence. My brother was born with his problems. My parents have spent a fortune in private schooling, personal tutors, and all sorts of educational gimmicks just to get him to read at any significant level. Next year begins an experiment to see if he is able to live on his own. He is beginning to learn now the struggles that he faces in life. I'm beginning to notice he seems more down than usual. He doesn't have that same carefree spark anymore. This is the moment my family has been afraid of forever. I hope it never fully arrives. So yes, all of this, from a mosquito.
And I think about that girl who was in that drunk driving accident that I linked to a few months ago. The guy swerves out of his lane at the exact wrong time, and her life as she knew it was taken away.
And I think of my friend who received the phone call just two weeks ago that his mom had a heart attack. And when I found out about my two grandfathers and my friend Nick. 9/11 happened and the world forever changed.
In one instant it can all change. So scary to think when we act so casual about our lives sometimes and take so many things for granted.
Ok, so I have definitely noticed a not-so-nice-trend. Paranoia has become one of my PMS symptoms. I always find something to be terrified about.
Posted at 11:25 AM
Comments...
Permalink
......
I just received an email from my friend whose mom died two weeks ago. If you can believe it, he lost his house during the hurricane on Sunday. He is homeless now. Wow. I can't even begin to imagine it. What are the odds?
I've offered him our guest room to stay until he gets back on his feet. I just can't believe his luck. No one should have all of this happen to them all at once. It's so incredibly unfair.
Posted at 8:27 AM
Comments...
Permalink
......
Tuesday, September 28, 2004
Losing a day of work is really cool in some ways, and really sucks in other ways. I had a deadline for 3pm yesterday to edit all of the faculty bios down to 100 words for a brochure. I did a few of them Friday and assumed I would have all mornings yesterday to get them done. Didn't work out that way! I've been busting my ass off to get them done now! I've finally handed them out for proofing to a couple of other people. But we're under a crazy deadline, and it doesn't feel good! Also, we have a show that opens today, so we were supposed to receive all these things for it, and we're having to follow up on all of them to make sure they are arriving before opening today!
But a lull finally now. Looking at pictures from Jeanne. Terrible.
Posted at 11:18 AM
Comments...
Permalink
......
Monday, September 27, 2004
We're here back in Gainesville. We freaked out at first pulling into the neighborhood because one of the huge trees fell right across the parking lot, so the first thing we see is this giant wall of tree, but the rest of the neighborhood wasn't so bad, really. There are a couple of units who lost a lot of shingles etc. from their roof, but ours is ok as far as we can see. Of course, we know there is a leak there somewhere. As far as we can tell, the waterstain in our bedroom ceiling is about the same size.
The drive here was very spotty. Certain areas seemed fine, and then all of a sudden you'd reach about a mile stretch where all the trees were down or broken off. Very weird. About 90% of the millions of billboards were completely down and littered along the side of the road.
Perhaps the most dramatic structural damage we saw that was new since the last two was this huge Baptist church down in Orlando with a very tall steeple. The steeple came crashing down and was in two pieces, one part laying on the roof of the building, the other part laying in the parking lot. It was really something. It was so sad to see all of the places that had been damaged since Charley and Frances and then see how much worse they had gotten with Jeanne. So many homes that had had the blue tarps across them already had them partially blown off to reveal gigantic holes. I can't imagine how awful they must look on the inside. These are places along the same road as my parents' house. My parents have been so lucky.
Unfortunately, my dad's hotel was not so lucky. It had a few things go wrong with Charley that they had not had the opportunity to get fixed yet, and this one just aggravated all of that. There is a leak in the roof over the upstairs offices in the lobby building. The offices on the ground floor are in worse condition, though. The entire exterior wall is so saturated with water that the paint on the inside is just peeling and falling off. All of the awnings are gone, some of the tiles from the bar roof are gone, and the fence around the pool blew away. One of the guest room buildings has a roof leak affecting a few rooms. One of the rooms in particular is considered a total loss. A lot of the rooms that were facing the wind got water inside, which soaked the carpets. They are trying to save as many as they can. Sad that my dad had to spend part of his birthday today going and surveying the damage. The worst part is that my dad had already had the insurance company come after Charley, and though the repairs have not been made yet, my dad is going to have to pay TWO deductibles to include any of the new damage since they were made in two separate events. My dad is trying to fight it because a lot of the conditions were created by Charley, but worsened by Jeanne. We'll see what happens with that. :(
But really, all in all, we have a lot to be thankful for. Even my aunt and uncle who live in Stuart, where the eye of the storm came ashore with 120+ mph winds, only lost the screen enclosure around their pool and got water in their bedroom, which soaked the carpet. That's not bad considering. Considering how many people are still homeless from the previous three hurricanes that have hit our state, how many still don't have power, and how many have found themselves now in this position since yesterday, well, we're alright. We're losing money on all of it, but what can you do. Maybe this is God's way of evening out that we don't pay state income tax here in Florida! ;) The only thing I can hope is that we've bought ourselves about 20 years worth of no hurricanes after this summer!
Posted at 8:54 PM
Comments...
Permalink
......
Well, we survived the storm here in Orlando. Everything was actually fine because Charley stripped away all the trees and everything, so there's nothing left to fall around my parents' house. We didn't even lose power for more than a few seconds at a time. I heard one generator blow, and that was about it. I was the designated dog-taker-out-er and it was actually kind of fun to be out there in that kind of wind. It was so loud and so strong! It was kind of scary from time to time when everything would turn horizontal and you could hear the house creaking, but all is well.
The eye ended up passing less than 30 miles from our house in Gainesville. We called our neighbors, and our house apparently lost power twice for 5-6 hours at a time. Glad we were here! They say everything outside our house looks fine, though there are some shingles laying on the road that they can't tell whose unit they came from. WE're hoping it's nout ours since our roof already suffered! Now, hopefully, we won't find much more water damage inside!
Today is my dad's birthday. WE're going to celebrate a few hours with him, and then we're heading up to Gainesville before the curfew. Work, needless to say, was cancelled today, but I'm assuming it'll happen tomorrow.
Posted at 11:28 AM
Comments...
Permalink
......
Saturday, September 25, 2004
WEll, we're going to get slammed, both here in Orlando and in Gainesville. UF has made no announcements, but we're going under the assumption that they will cancel everything on Monday. At least we hope they will because we're absolutely stuck here at this point. It's not going to be pretty. Supposedly the first band will be reaching us in less than an hour. Wish us luck! We'll be here at my parents' house until this passes.
Posted at 4:04 PM
Comments...
Permalink
......
Friday, September 24, 2004
Well, once again, it's pretty certain that we're going to get hit by this hurricane. The weird thing is, no one is making a big deal of it anymore. The TV is hardly covering it either, or at least not as much as the previous ones. I think we're all bored by getting hit over and over. I guess the entertainment Rule of Three applies to hurricanes too. Three times is clever, after that, it's overkill. Ho hum, Florida gets another storm. Ho hum, let's see what happens to my weekend. Ho hum, the Gators game had to be rescheduled. Ho hum, another evacuation. Ho hum, gotta go fill my gas tank, sand bag my house, put up tarp, bring in my patio furniture yet again. Get the flashlights, batteries, and bottled water ready and accesible. *Yawn*
Posted at 3:54 PM
Comments...
Permalink
......
I think I baked my first successful cake last night! Woohoo! I was freaking out at first because my oven is so screwed up. Last time I tried to bake a cake, I baked it at 25 degrees less than the recipe called for since my oven cooks way too hot and still the cake came out super dry. So, this time, I tried it somewhere halfway been 25 and 50 degrees lower. I checked it after the recommended baking time, and it was still liquid in the middle!! Actually, it took TWICE the recommended baking time to get it to bake through. I was so sure I had ruined yet. And yet, as I was taking the cakes out of their pans to layer them, a chunk fell off the bottom of one of the layers. I tasted it, and it was GOOOOOOOOOD!!!! MMMMMMM!!! I was so happy! I was able to cover up the missing piece with extra frosting, and it looks flawless. It's two layers of cocoa fudge cake frm scratch with chopped walnuts and chocolate frosting. It's a success! I also wrote "Happy Birthday Dad" very nicely. I was so sure I'd at least screw up the last thing! I can't wait to present this and have everyone eat it!
So, let's see what this Jeanne does. I have a feeling it's going to ruin my weekend.
Posted at 8:40 AM
Comments...
Permalink
......
Thursday, September 23, 2004
As much as Bush makes me completely sick to my stomach if I think about him too long, I'm reaching the point where I don't care who wins the election anymore. I don't have extraordinary confidence in Kerry's competence. He just doesn't seem to have what it takes. There are so many Bush die-hards around that I think putting a lesser candidate up there just because he's Not-Bush is only going to fuel the very disturbing trend going on this country toward this horrible blend of isolationism and militarism. I know that there will be another terrorist attack on our soil, and I know that the war in Iraq will end up to be a miserable failure. If this occurs under Kerry's watch, the assumption of so many people will be that it was due to his incompetency. And you know what? I don't even doubt that that would be partly true. I'm reaching the point now where I'd almost prefer another 4 years of Bush so that when things keep going on the direction that he wants, that we can all see exactly where it leads us. Who knows? Maybe I'm completely blind it actually is what we need to do to achieve security. If it's not, though, we'll know it, and hopefully it will open this country's eyes to what is going on. Maybe we can get some candidates up there who actually don't have their heads up their asses. Maybe we can make some real, earnest strides in the right direction. Then again, I shudder to think of what the rest of the world will think when we put this guy back up there. Whatever. It's all so terrible and frightening that I can't even think about it anymore. I used to love having debates with Andrew, watching the news, etc., but I'm done with it. I disengage and I change the channel now. I wish I could just turn my back and never have to know that anything so atrocious is going on outside my little, happy community. Whatever. I'm going to cast my vote against Bush out of principle so it doesn't hang on my conscience and let whatever the outcome just be. Whatever. I don't even care anymore.
Posted at 3:50 PM
Comments...
Permalink
......
Posted at 9:32 AM
Comments...
Permalink
......
I bought all the ingredients to bake my dad a cake yesterday. Hopefully it all works out. I've never, ever made a cake that turned out right that I would let anyone besides Andrew try, and now I'm attempting to make it as part of a birthday present AND to be eaten by ten family members!! Am I being crazy?? I remain confident...for now. Mmm, it's going to have layers and everything. I'm thinking of mixing in some walnuts with the frosting just to add a special little something. Not sure yet. We'll see how I feel. I bought them just in case.
Random thought: We have those audio crosswalks that let you know when it's safe to cross the road in case you're blind or something. I really love the popping sound it makes when it counts down how much time you have left. I always listen for it. Very random. It's the only joy in crossing the street, though. These crosswalks here get as crowded as the ones in Manhattan with all these friggin' students. Then, you still have to worry about crossing because all of the kids in their bikes and mopeds don't think they are supposed to obey traffic signals. I've seen quite a few close calls. So, I take my joy when I can. *Pop* *Pop* *Pop* *Pop*
Another random thought: We had a fruit basket here in the front office from when we moved in. The fruit is all gone by now, but I have fruit flies around my desk now. How do fruit flies magically appear wherever there is fruit?? They must come along with them or something, because I can't imagine that there are little fruit fly scouts that decide to wander into a 45,000 square foot building and search every square inch, just in case there are a couple of kiwis that are sitting on the top floor.
Posted at 8:35 AM
Comments...
Permalink
......
Wednesday, September 22, 2004
How much of my situation is my own fault? I guess if you go back far enough, probably 90% of everything is my own doing.
Failure #1--My Career
My Fault: I have a very narrow vision of what I see myself doing. I want it to be in a field I am passionate about, so I automatically discard any job opportunities in anything other than arts, education, or not-for-profit. I also discard anything that offers less money or less vacation time than I get now or requires evening hours since I wouldn't be able to do theatre. This, obviously, leaves me with a very narrow pool of options.
My Bad Luck: I argue sometimes that I deserve not to settle. These narrow options I give myself are narrowed even more by virtue of the fact that I live in Gainesville, a town of 100,000 if you count the 50,000+ students.
My Fault: Should I have done more to avoid coming to Gainesville? I was weary of it before we made the final decision to come for this very reason. There would have been many, many more opportunities for me had we moved to one of the other possibilities (Minneapolis, Houston, Boston, San Diego, Atlanta, etc.) I expressed my concern, but ultimately decided that it would be nice because it was right here in my beloved Florida just two hours away from my parents. It didn't seem as scary as moving far away where I wouldn't know anyone for hundreds of miles in potentially frightening climates.
My Bad Luck: UF is the #1 school for what Andrew is studying (Pediatric Clinical Neuropsychology, in case you were wondering what the heck it is!). How could I make a decision that might negatively impact his entire career just because I might be stuck in a boring job for a few years? Plus, my family was so excited that I wouldn't be moving far away. It was going to make everyone in my life happy if I ended up here, and really, it's a great town.
My Fault: Of course, I could have decided to wait on this whole marriage thing until he was done with school. I could have pursued my thing down in Orlando quite happily living with my parents while he studied here just two hours away.
My Bad Luck: I fell madly in love with this boy and did not want to risk losing the most beautiful person to ever come into my life. When he already lived two hours away my senior year of college, I cried every single time he left after visiting me for the weekend. Every single time. This went on for a year. The only thing that made me feel better was knowing we would soon be together forever.
In summary, this job thing, I suppose, is a toss-up. Partially my fault, partially bad luck.
Failure #2--My Acting Thing
My Fault: I have not been to a single serious audition. This is due to the fact that I have yet to schedule a photographer for professional headshots. I have meant to do this for a long time now, and just haven't done it.
My Bad Luck: Once again, Gainesville is not exactly the mecca for high-profile gigs. I would have to be commuting to Orlando (or elsewhere) for every audition for the small chance of getting cast in something worthwhile.
My Fault: I'm not wiling to go for commercials or any other projects on a smaller scale than TV or film. This is partially because I'm unwilling to make the commute for such things, but also because I'm snobby. I don't want to sell myself out for deodorant or feminine products. I want something that's going to pay me and that is going to make use of my talents. I need at least a couple lines in anything I would consider worthwhile.
My Bad Luck: The acting profession only happens to be one of the cruelest and most competitive professions there is. SAG (Screen Actors Guild) reports that only 20% of their members (EVERYONE acting professionally in TV or film) received more than $5,000 in a year. These aren't people like me! These are people who pays dues every year so that they can have the priviledge of auditioning for professional gigs. And you don't just sign up for membership, either. You have to be proven to be committed to the field by putting in time as an extra or in bit parts offered to non-unionized actors in union gigs.
My Fault: I've already said I don't want to be driving two hours for the mere possibility of such spots. It would require me missing work on top of it all, which means less vacation time, which means no trip to Europe next summer. I guess deep down, I'm not willing to make the sacrifice because I'm not sure how much I believe in myself.
In summary, the acting thing is pretty much my fault.
Failure #3--I'm a bitch
My Fault: I have no tolerance for stupidity or anyone else wasting my time. I don't make much efforts at politeness if I don't like someone.
My Bad Luck: I'm pissy because I hate this job and everyone dumps on me. There is no reason I should be yelled at or treated with the lack of respect I receive here. I am intelligent and a good person and have ended up here for any number of reasons listed above.
My Fault: Sometimes I allow my pissiness from work come home with me and I'm a bitch to Andrew.
My Bad Luck: I'm convinced I either have a hormonal imbalance or my endorphins are brought down to extraordinary lows for the nine hours I spend here everyday. I find it hard to unwind sometimes.
In summary, I think I'm just a bitch sometimes.
Posted at 3:38 PM
Comments...
Permalink
......
Another beautiful morning. Ah...
I made some very yummy pasta with meat sauce last night. I made a ton so that I could have an enormous helping last night along with generous leftovers for today. Yay! I also finished off the last of the ice cream cake last night. I'm planning on baking a cake tomorrow for my dad's birthday, which is on Monday. We were planning on having them all come up here for the weekend and go to the Gator game, but then Mama, Aunt Janet and Uncle Ricky, Jackie and her new husband (Bleh), and Jennifer and little Robert (yay!) decided to come up to Orlando this weekend! Ok, so change of plans. We're going down there now and I have to find a way to sell these tickets I had bought as a present! Oops. So, cake is the best next idea I could come up with for a birthday present besides the nice Gators polo shirt I had bought him to wear to the game. Trouble is, I've never successfully baked a cake that worked out quite right. My mother-in-law just gave me a recipe last night for a "fool proof" chocolate fudge cake, but I found a delicious looking recipe in a cookbook last night for a chocolate walnut layer cake. Should I go fool proof, or should I go all out? Tough decision.
Posted at 8:57 AM
Comments...
Permalink
......
Tuesday, September 21, 2004
I just realized I posted the exact same thing about lunch two days in a row. Yeah, food is THAT important to me!
My metabolism is weird. I really can't complain at all because I generally look trim and can pretty much eat as I please. However, I still do make efforts to eat healthy on a regular basis. I eat plenty of fruits and veggies and I cook with very little butter or salt. But every now and then, I splurge. I go through phases where I just can't get enough sweet. Like right now, I'm very into cakes. There's an ice cream cake in my freezer I've been working on since Saturday. I just about threw a temper tantrum on a trip to the grocery store last week ecause I wanted cupcakes so bad. I also bought two bags of chocolate chip muffin mix. As a compromise with myself, I've been baking corn muffins to attempt to satisfy these cravings, but I've now baked corn muffins three times in the past week! So, in general, I'm a very healthy eater, but I go through these binges too. Sometimes I'll go a few weeks where I can skip lunches just fine or only feel like a small dinner, but then I'll go through weeks where I just can't have enough and I feel like collapsing if I don't get more food. My metabolism is so strange, though, because which phase I'm in makes absolutely no impact on my weight. My weight does vary within a ten pound range. However, my heaviest does not coincide with my binges, and my lightest does not coincide with my lighter eating. When I went to the doctor last week, I actually weighed 8 pounds less than the last time I went in. She looked at me and goes, "You know you don't need to lose anymore weight, right?" I'm so confused. I haven't weighed this in over a year now. These gaining and losing patterns make zero sense. I can't pretend to control it. I can't do anything to make my pants fit better when they get too tight to breathe, and I can't do anything to keep my bra filled when my boobs start shrinking. Yes, I'm lucky that on average I am a size four blah blah blah, but damn it if my metabolism doesn't kick my ass. I can't stand these periods where nothing is enough and I would stuff my mouth every minute if I could. I can't stand being all shaky and weak if I haven't eaten something in a few hours. Seriously, makes me so pissy. I've been a horrible bitch lately. I'd eat out a whole restaurant if it was socially acceptable. I'm obviously on some sort of hormonal up and down. Even my hair has looked horrible lately. I've been tested for thyroid problems repeatedly since my mom has thyroid disease and I have so many symptoms of it. But nope, nada. I don't get it.
Posted at 1:44 PM
Comments...
Permalink
......
I apologize to anyone who expected my previous post to come to a point. ;)
Busy bee again today. I makes the days fly by, I guess, which is good. The bad part is that I haven't been able to have lunch before 2:30 . Usually, I end up having to tell people, "I'm sorry, it'll have to wait. I'm going to pass out. Come back in 20 minutes." If only I was getting overtime, it wouldn't be so bad, I guess.
Posted at 11:03 AM
Comments...
Permalink
......
Monday, September 20, 2004
I've been so insanely busy at work I have no more time for my usual slacking anymore! Hardly any posting lately! I haven't even been having lunch until 2:30ish when I finally decide "That's it! I don't care what is going on! I'm going to pass out if I don't eat NOW!" and walk away from the desk. At least this building has a break room where I can go and eat my lunch in peace. Hopefully people won't discover that that is where I've been going off to and start bugging me in there too.
So the nice, sunny day ended up getting overcast shortly after I posted about the blue skies, but I didn't even care. It was actually cool outside. Not even a hint of hot. Breezy, cloudy, cool. It was like March or something! Such a relief after the sweltering heat we've had since June. I know it'll warm up again from this, but I'm at least hoping that this is the end of the 90 degree weather.
I had a nice weekend. Friday night I ended going to my friend's mom's funeral. I know this sounds weird, but it was the best funeral I've ever been to. It wasn't a religious service. Rather, it was a group of people who took turns talking about his mom. It was such an incredible, human experience. I had only met her briefly twice after the shows I've done with Ian, but Andrew and I both found ourselves swept away in the emotion of the night, both the tears and the laughter. And there was a lot of laughter too. It was all so genuine. It was really an amazing experience to connect in such a cathartic way like that, human to human. The people ranged from long-bearded bikers to heavy-accented immigrants, all together celebrating the life of this woman, laughing from the joy of having known her and crying from the empty spot she has left. There were stories so funny, Andrew and I laughed as if we knew her. There were stories so touching that I cried and yes, even Andrew got misty-eyed. It was impossible not to. It was impossible not to feel something in the very core of your heart as Ian's stepdad, her husband of 20 years, talked about the very moment he realized for the first time that he had fallen in love.
Andrew and I held hands throughout the funeral, and I found myself very affected by it all because I could feel everything this woman's passing had meant. Her coworkers, her friends, her family, her children, her husband. I imagined what it would be like to lose someone like that. Would would I do if my mom died today? If Andrew died today? If Bobby died today? But I also thought, what would everyone in my life do if I died today? What would be said about me? It reminds me of the scene in one of my favorite movies, Waking Ned Devine, where a town pretends that one man is dead and they have to hold a fake funeral. The man's best friend gets up and gives the eulogy as his "dead" friend listens from amidst the crowd. It was a heartfelt speech, and it was the first time the man had heard these things said about him. It's a shame we wait for funerals to pour ourselves out like that. I can only hope these loved ones are there somehow to hear it all and to know what they meant. So, I listened to all of these people tell the group why this woman, Laura mattered in the world. Why she had touched their lives. I tried to imagine what people would have to say about me, and I couldn't think of very much. I have a very small group of people who know me well enough to miss me in any sort of unique way. It's mostly my fault. I mean, not that I want to be missed by tons of people. It's not my goal, really. More than that, I found myself inspired by these people who were touched by her in a way that altered their lives and made them better. I hope that I can achieve that so that my existence in the world was good for something, whether it's all done today or sixty years from now. When I try to think if I've ever been someone to touch someone's life in a deep, fundamental way, I almost laugh at the thought. The people wouldn't fill up a hand. Not that quantity matters completely, because I give so much to my relationships with my husband, my parents, and my brother and I make every effort to be there for those wonderful people, but in a way the number does matter. Should my mission be to change the world as much as I can? If I have something to offer, should I spread it around as much as possible? But again, when I think like this, I laugh at myself to think of myself in such grandiose terms. And yet, what makes people like Ian's mom more special than me? Did God work harder on her? Was I just an afterthought that God added because the UF Theatre and Dance Department was probably going to need someone to answer the phones?
So yeah, this whole thing came down to a what's-the-meaning-of-life moment once again. There's no answer that we have any way of figuring out. All we can do is do our best in the hopes that we achieve it. The closest answer I have is people like Ian's mom. Now how do I get there?
OK, I could type about this for hours, so change of topic...
The Gators game Saturday was a huge disappointment! We were supposed to have it. We lost it in the last few seconds. Literally. So close. What heartbreak! Hopefully we're going to come back from such a narrow defeat and make sure we kick some ass after this. (And I just realized I use the term "we" when referring to the Gators. No, I don't play for the team, but I'm on the payroll just like the coach is, so we're all part of the same collective group...so there!)
This was followed up by an almost identical heartbreak yesterday in the form of the Dolphins going down. Not my weekend for football.
Ok, that's enough for now. For once while writing aimlessly on this thing, I actually have better things I should be doing since I am at home and not at work! ;)
Posted at 6:08 PM
Comments...
Permalink
......
What a gorgeous day. Just perfectly, beautifully gorgeous. Blue skies, crisp morning air for the first time since summer came. So nice to be coming in to fall now. I hope things don't turn summery again for this weekend's football game!
Another busy, busy, busy day here...
Posted at 11:23 AM
Comments...
Permalink
......
Friday, September 17, 2004
A little treat from last week's DMB show, Warehouse, one of my favorite songs, featuring Carlos Santana!
So much to do today. Following that up with "and no desire to do it" would be an understatement.
Posted at 8:28 AM
Comments...
Permalink
......
Thursday, September 16, 2004
THIS makes me VERY, VERY HAPPY!! I think I'm going to keep this minimized on my computer so I can open it up every time someone pisses me off.
Posted at 9:40 AM
Comments...
Permalink
......
I refuse to come into the office with an optimistic attitude anymore. I have for the past couple of mornings, but there is always some major issue within the first couple hours that makes me want to throw things or hide under the desk and cry. So, I've come in today very Blah. Blah to the beautiful sunrise this morning with the streaking clouds across the pink sky. Blah to the 75 degrees outside. Blah to the interesting NPR stories this morning. Blah to this beautiful desk. It'll all amount to someone yelling at me for something stupid that's beyond my control and I'll still be expected to stay here past five with a smile on my face today, tomorrow, and all next week, and all next month.
Oh, that's another thing. The past five thing. New development. I'm supposed to be responsible now for locking and unlocking every door in this 45,000 square foot new building now. While my boss was giving me the tour of the bazillion doors I need to tend to at the beginning and end of each day, he tells me, "This'll take you about 15 minutes every time you do it." So, naturally, I had to ask, "So what happens to the desk and phones from 8:00-8:15 and 4:45-5:00?" Apparently, this was a ridiculous question for me to ask. The tone and volume in his voice rose sharply as he explained to me like I was four, "The office hours are 8-5, so you need to figure something out!!" Nevermind that I already work through my lunches, meaning I work nine hour days, but only get paid for eight. Now, I'm either expected to work an extra half hour a day without pay or find someone to cover the desk during those hours. It occurs to me, though, that someone showing up at 8:10 or 4:50 will not be able to even get to the offices because they will be locked by then because I can't make every door suddenly lock right at 5pm. I haven't made it out of here before 5:15 yet. Usually it's later than that. I shut down my computer, but people keep coming up to me and asking me for more stuff so that I'm only just leaving my desk at 5pm or later. I know it sounds stupid to complain about 15 minutes, but all of this adds up to a half hour a day, which, in addition to the hour lunches I already work through, means I work 7 and a half unpaid hours a week, which is almost an entire extra day of what I'm supposed to be working!! I'm giving them a sixth day of work free!! If I could accumulate all of that as comp time, I would be fine, but I get nasty looks whenever I ask to leave early for various reasons, or take a half day. Hell, even when I'm hopelessly sick, I only take half days.
Make any jokes you want about what I actually get done while I'm here. Yes, this jobn is tremendously boring. But it's nine and a half hours that I'm sitting here dealing with shit. Pure shit. Whiny, egomaniacal professors who don't feel that they need to bother to learn how to use a fax machine and students who don't understand that I can't change their grades for them or bosses who believe I should be "stepping it up" and anything that goes wrong in this transition is due to my lack of attention to detail.
Ok, so I came in blah, but let me not drive myself to a bad mood already, though I do have plenty to complain about.
I had a big scare yesterday. I had a great time at Happy Hour with four of my friends, had dinner, etc. I came home, and Lucky was not running to the door. So I called out, "Lucky! I'm home." Nothing. Dead silence. I instantly freaked out, because this is a door who forms a little party for each of us every time we walk in the door, even if it's just from getting the mail. The phone rung, and I grabbed it and ran out the door. It was Kim, who was just driving back from Happy Hour and asking if I wanted to catch a movie with her this weekend. Well, I said that I needed some advice on the situation at hand. She turned around and told me not to go in alone. So, she pulled up, and we recruited my big, burly Russian neighbor to enter the house with us. I called around for Lucky. At this point, my biggest fear was finding a dead dog. I looked everywhere in the living room, kitchen, guest room. I went upstairs, calling out to him and finally heard some faint jingling of his collar somewhere. I opened the door to my bedroom, and Lucky comes bursting out and flies down the stairs where he proceeds to jump up and down almost as high as I am tall. What a scare! I thanked Kim and the Russian guy for coming in with me when I noticed how disastrously messy our place is. Embarrassing. I gave Andrew what for when he came home and I told him he had locked up our dog in our bedroom all day!
Posted at 8:15 AM
Comments...
Permalink
......
Wednesday, September 15, 2004
I'm digging my new office space. My chair is comfy, my desk is spacious, the view is great.
The obstacles to enjoyment: It's friggin' cold. They haven't figured out how to regulate the temperature in this building at all. It is freezing. They turned off the AC altogether for a few hours, but it got humid as hell. So, it's back on, and my sweater isn't saving me. I'm seriously about to go to the Starbucks downstairs and get a cup of hot chocolate. I don't think I've ever even had hot chocolate in the state of Florida.
Also, my boss likes to listen to terrible music very loudly, apparently. I did not know this until now that his office opens up to my office. So much for me playing my own music. I'd have to play it awfully loudly to have it overshadow this. Seriously, I'm pretty sure it's so loud here that people on the phone can hear it.
And finally, there are a million annoying details that need to be resolved. Like having to get out copy machine over here. And our fax machine. And our refrigerator. And our microwave. Plus, there are all these tiny little glitches with everything, like two professors' lines were transposed so that they were ringing in the wrong spot, there aren't enough keys to go around, no one has given me a tutorial on how to use our new phone system, etc.
Once I've adjusted and everything is ironed out, I can see being much happier here. Although it will be difficult to adjust to this music!!
Posted at 1:03 PM
Comments...
Permalink
......
What was the #1 Song on your birthday?
For me: Reunited, by Peaches and Herb!
Reunited and it feel so good...
That gave me a good laugh.
Happy Hour and Dinner with my friends tonight! The only thing keeping me going today.
Posted at 9:36 AM
Comments...
Permalink
......
Tuesday, September 14, 2004
Ok, hopefully this change of scenery will help change my attitude. My new desk is awesome and the view is even better. I have tons of light, a birdseye view of a pond, trees, I can see the clouds rolling in, and all the students milling about. Nice, but I've got a lot glare on my computer monitor! I'm looking into some glare filters to see if the department can buy me some, but they are WAAAY more expensive than I thought. Most of them are well over $100. I found one that is $31, but it's the only one in that price range, so I'm a bit suspicious. Hmm...we'll see. So, anyway, this is a good end to my extremely shitty day/week/month/summer/year/two and a half years here at work. Hopefully things won't be so bad when I have a rippling pond and waving palm trees to look out on when I feel I'm going to flip my lid.
Posted at 2:26 PM
Comments...
Permalink
......
I frickin' hate this place. I keep thinking I have found the key to get out of here, and nothing. This place is a black hole I can't escape. Do I just need an attitude adjustment??
As per usual from 8am-5pm Mondays-Fridays, I feel like crying and running away. I need to win the lottery. Maybe that means I should actually play. Whoever said money doesn't buy happiness doesn't know what the hell they're talking about. I'd be able to quit my job if I had a million dollars. Period. I don't know what else I could ask for in my life. Doesn't seem like anything else besides a buttload of money would get me out of here.
Posted at 10:45 AM
Comments...
Permalink
......
I've been here less than 45 minutes, and I'm already off to a rocky start. I can in with a good mood since it seems like we're finally moving today. I've already managed to receive my shit quota for the day, though. I already feel like running home and crying. God, I hate this place.
Posted at 8:39 AM
Comments...
Permalink
......
Monday, September 13, 2004
The game on Saturday was fun, but interesting. The Gators started off a bit shaky as Eastern Michigan scored first and all that. Then, there was a "severe weather" delay, which was extremely puzzling to say the least. Yeah, there were some dark clouds rolling in, but it wasn't even raining yet. It was very sudden. I spotted some managers sprinting to the locker rooms when the announcer came on to say, "Ladies and gentlemen, due to severe weather in the area, the game has been suspended. Please seek shelter immediately." We all looked around confused. Football is supposed to be played in all sorts of crazy weather. I know that they delay for lightning, but I didn't hear any. About 30 minutes later, with still no rain, the announcer came on to explain that the rules state that games need to be suspended if there is lightning within 10 miles. We all laughed because when ISN'T there lightning within 10 miles in a Florida summer afternoon?? Also, we had all just survived a couple of hurricanes, so we hardly felt intimidated. The announcer went on to explain, though, "We will resume gameplay when the tornado warning has been lifted...or when there is no longer lightning in the area." There was a collective, "WHAT TORNADO WARNING??" from the crowd. Ok, yeah, that's more cause for concern!! I thought to myself, though, that if they had announced there was a tornado in the area initially that there probably would have been a dangerous stampede! The rain finally started 45 minutes into the delay, and the play resumed after a little over an hour. We stuck it out like true fans! We sat out there in the rain to watch the Gators come back and beat Eastern Michigan soundly, 49-10. I might note, however, that once play resumed was when I began to hear thunder for the first time all day. Actually, I could see the flashes and everything. Odd, I thought. The refs chose to ignore all that, I guess. I certainly felt absolutely disgusting at the end, though, my skin a mixture of sweat, sunblock, and rain. Ick. Still, it's great to have football season back! Woohoo!!
Tonight, Monday Night Football features Panthers versus Packers! That ought to be a great game! Go Carolina!
Posted at 9:23 AM
Comments...
Permalink
......
I'm here. Feeling sick to my stomach still. I want to believe I ate something bad, but I think it's stress. Fortuntely, the hurricane is turning away, so that's one less thing to worry about. However, I can't help but want to cry as I sit here at this desk, realizing that no one is going to call me on the phone to whisk me away from here. At least I'll get a change of scenery this week when we move to the new building. If we move to it this week...
I've been thinking a lot lately of my childhood summers in Puerto Rico at my grandparents' house. I realize that those summers, everything was right in the world for me. I would roll out of bed and into a swimsuit to jump straight into the pool after having breakfast on the porch while my grandfather read the paper. My cousins and I would swim and splash around until someone announced that lunch was ready. Damp towel wrapped around me, I'd sit at the table with an enormous plate of steak, rice and beans, and plantains. Afterward, we'd play on the swingset or race around our Big Wheels. Eventually, we'd end up in the pool again, after putting in our minimum of half an hour after eating. We'd splash around even more until the sun began to set or until the thunder began to roll in. Then, it was finally time to get our pruny selves out of the swimsuits and into respectable clothes for dinner. My grandmother always knew to bring me and only me a bowl of strawberry ice cream for dessert. For bedtime, we'd bring out anywhere from two to ten matresses and spread them around the floor of my grandparents' bedroom, depending on how many of us cousins were sleeping there that night. Sometimes, the entire huge bedroom was nothing but matresses full of kids that my grandparents' had to carefully manuver around. We'd all go to sleep together, but not before having pillow fights with my grandfather.
Those were the days. That was my life for two months of every year until I left for college. Time stood still in that place and everything was perfect. Those were the best days of my life. I long for that existence again. I wish I could have it back. Have my grandfather back, be small enough to ride a big wheel again, turn black from being out in the sun all day, the rice and beans, and just go for weeks without a care in the world. I wish I could give that back to my grandmother too, who now lives in that house by herself. I can't imagine what it must feel like to her to have it be non-stop laughter and activity for decades to a quiet, empty house. She has the apartment in San Juan which is closer to everything and everyone, but she always goes back to Aguadilla. Back to that huge house where she has lived for over 50 years and raised her children and her grandchildren alongside her husband. If it's painful for me to compare my current life to the life I lived in that place, I can't imagine how she must feel. Time didn't stand still in that place after all, and eventually it catches up to everything, I guess. Even paradise.
She thinks when she was small
There on her father's knee
How he had promised her
"You'll always be my baby"
"Daddy come quick
The dreaming tree has died
I can't find my way home
There is no place to hide
The dreaming tree has died"
Take me back
Take me back
Take me back
Take me please...
Posted at 8:35 AM
Comments...
Permalink
......
Friday, September 10, 2004
I just got an email from a friend saying that his mom died this morning. Wow. She was only 54. Puts things in perspective that things could be much worse. It doesn't really console me, though. Now, I'm just adding being sad for him onto my pile.
I haven't posted this on here, but my grandmother in Venezuela just had some sort of strange episode on Tuesday. My aunt was helping her get dressed when all of a sudden my grandmother went cold and limp. She was still breathing, but her eyes glazed over and would not respond. She didn't even blink when my aunt was slapping her face. Her tongue was hanging out. My aunt freaked out, thinking stroke. She was rushed to the hospital. My parents freaked out and immediately bought tickets to Venezuela, where they are now. My grandmother has made an excellent recovery, though, which is why I guess I kept forgetting to post this. The only strange thing she has left over is that she is having difficulty moving both of her legs. Usually, a stroke would only affect one side unless it was very low in the brain stem area. That doesn't seem to be the case, however. When she arrived to the hospital, her blood pressure, etc., all seemed normal. They are trying to figure out what the heck happened. (Diagnosis, Dr. Anika?) My parents will come back Sunday, just in time for Ivan, I guess. For a few hours there Tuesday night, I was feeling like she would die. She was not responsive for a while.
I want to crawl back in bed under the big water stain in the ceiling just cry.
Posted at 10:26 AM
Comments...
Permalink
......
My small triumph of the day: I was right behind this other woman in the parking lot today as I spotted the VERY LAST SPOT left. Of course, she being in front of me, spotted it as well and began to make her move. Well, the spot was tiny. The cars on both sides of it both parked on the lines. So there she went scooting back and forth, back and forth in her tiny little car to squeeze her way in. With each angle of approach she took, I could see she wasn't going to make it. So I got my hopes up. Maybe she'll give up and leave the spot to me! Back and forth, back and forth. She knew it was the last spot left! Finally, she conceeded defeat. By this time, there was a line backing up behind me. As she drove away, I thought to myself, "Watch this everyone!!" I shot past the spot, threw my (larger) car into reverse, and sailed right in. One clean swoop. So satisfying!! PLUS, one car was parked forward, one backward, so neither car had their driver side door facing mine! I'm not even going to get whacked! Woohoo! Yes, I had to suck in and crawl my way up and out of the car, but I GOT THE LAST SPOT BECAUSE I'M AWESOME AT DRIVING!!
At least I don't park like a loser.
Posted at 8:20 AM
Comments...
Permalink
......
Thursday, September 09, 2004
Holding back a floodgate of tears really, really, really hurts. I need to get home.
Why do I suck???? Is being a secretary really the best I can do??? I keep thinking I'm better than this, but there is no way out of it after trying for over a year and a half now. I guess I'm not. I'm sorry, there's just no consolation after this. I can't imagine how much better I could have interviewed, and I can't imagine a job I am more qualified to do. It's not going to happen. Plain and simple. I can't keep believing something better is around the corner anymore. At this point, accepting that I'm stuck in this hell hole might be better for my soul than to keep believing, to keep being optimistic, and keep getting shattered like this. I was SO sure I had this in the bag. There was no one who could have out-qualified me, out-interviewed me, no one who wanted it, needed it, and deserved it more. That's it. Game over for me. I'm here until we move from Gainesville two years from now.
Posted at 4:12 PM
Comments...
Permalink
......
And now I just got the call. Didn't get the job. That's it. The end. Fuck. I can't take it anymore.
Posted at 3:31 PM
Comments...
Permalink
......
I'm going to cry. Seriously, I'm going to cry. When people first started talking about Ivan, I dismissed it, maybe even joked abour it because deep down I didn't believe it could really happen. But it is. I can't believe it. I seriously feel sick. I'm at a loss of what to do. Make it stop.
Posted at 3:12 PM
Comments...
Permalink
......
We found a big wet spot on the ceiling of our bedroom yesterday. So we didn't get away with nothing after all. So that is two big leaks in our house due to Frances. Wonderful. Our roof is only two years old too!! UGH!!
Posted at 10:58 AM
Comments...
Permalink
......
Wednesday, September 08, 2004
If this thing comes to Florida, I...I...I don't know what I'd do. It would just really suck, is all. I'm soooooooo over this hurricane stuff. Really. Enough. I'm sorry that it's selfish, but this thing should just go somewhere else. Stop coming after my home. Enough. Please.
Posted at 3:59 PM
Comments...
Permalink
......
Now that Blogger is finally working again, I get to post pointless stuff again. Like...
At Wendy's for lunch today, when I reached into my purse to pull out my wallet, I pulled out a pad too. I pretended like I didn't even care, but really, very embarrassing.
Also, I'm slightly suspicious of the salad I'm eating. I keep forgetting that I need to be suspicious of food around here since power was lost for hours. It doesn't smell or taste bad, but the chicken certainly has a much different texture than usual. Hmm. I'm unsure how to proceed.
And a random political rant: How come Bush gets high praise for his leadership skills?? How come that's what everyone is basing their vote on? Have we forgotten the war in Iraq? Sure, hindsight is 20/20 and pretty much everyone thought Saddam had weapons of mass destruction. Sucks we were all wrong. But really, what kind of leader rushes in to such a horrible ordeal without weighing all of the possibilities? Were we really that far off to feel absolutely certain? Why were people telling us that we knew exactly where they were and everything? Why is it good leadership to rush into a situation that is uncertain when everyone else is saying that we should look into it more? Sure, the UN looked like a bunch of pussies to Dubya and his cohorts for dilly-daddling with their inspections and not turning up any weapons. It looks much more courageous to declare "Enough is enough! We'll get the job done right and done now!" Months later...oops. Yet, no heads have rolled. All the advisors are still there. Actually, we haven't even gotten an oops. We got a switch-a-roo. "What, you mean you supported keeping a tyrant in power?" "Umm, no sir. USA stands for freedom!" And so it goes. Whether you go for that or not, well, that's fine, and I certainly can't criticize someone for holding those noble ideals. However, Bush a great leader?? I think not! I could be a great leader if it means just going around messing with things without thought to other possibilities and outcomes. Decisive he is, I'll give him that. 1,000 lives later...
Posted at 2:57 PM
Comments...
Permalink
......
Tuesday, September 07, 2004
I uploaded some pics from the storm damage. They're all of trees in the field where we walk Lucky everyday because they were the most dramatic of the pics, but there is a car that got its back windsheild smashed in as well as a couple minor roof problems in several units.
I'm especially sad about this tree since it's the tree that we use as our marker for Lucky's walks. We always go around the tree and back. (See our neighborhood back there?) It was a nice tree. Sad. Now our walks are just going to be to a random point in the field and back.
Here are some downed trees in the dog park that took down the fence. You can also see some bad flooding. That is a forest back there with a trail that leads to a creek. Needless to say the creek has swelled up quite a bit! (By the way, it was so cute how Lucky was "inspecting" all of the damage along with me!)
Here's us hanging out when the power went out. That is a powerful flash, though, because it was pitch black besides those candles!
This is our sliding glass door that we sandbagged...and thank goodness!
Laura's blog has a few more good pictures too beyond my little field.
Unfortunately, we discovered a very wet wall in our guest room. We are going to have to call someone to figure out what is going on. Not good. We're hoping it's somehow related to the window next to it, but it feels dry around the sill. Hmm.
Oh, and there's a strange smell in the air. A weird woody smell, presumably from all the damaged trees. It's amazing that it changes the smell of a place.
My usual way to work was closed today, presumably from flooding of Lake Alice. Most of the people who have come in to work today still don't have power, so we're very lucky! Two professors have called in to say that they are trapped in their neighborhoods and can't get out for classes! Wow!
EDIT:
OK, it's saying that I posted this late last night, but obviously I have things from this morning. Not quite sure what happened. Blogger is screwy!
Posted at 10:26 PM
Comments...
Permalink
......
I just found out Zach Braff has a blog! I love him!
This weekend, before Frances made her rude entrance, we went out to the movies twice with some friends. We saw Napoleon Dynamite (which was stupidly hilarious) and Garden State (which I loved, loved, loved!). I've always loved Zach Braff on Scrubs, one of the funniest shows on TV, and now I love him even more after seeing this movie. I highly recommend it! The blog is part discussion of Garden State, part regular blog. Very entertaining!
We also went over to some friends' place and watched Election. I can't believe it took me this long to finally see that movie! It was awesome! Hilarious! So from Friday to Saturday, it was the weekend of great movies. Then, my weekend sucked for Saturday and Sunday, and now, hopefully, I'll take advantage of an extra day off. Maybe I'll go around and take pictures of all the damage in my neighborhood.
Posted at 10:25 AM
Comments...
Permalink
......
Monday, September 06, 2004
Woo! I just found out that UF is closed tomorrow too! Apparently there is a lot of debris all over campus that needs to be cleaned up. Hopefully the weather will be nicer so we can actually get out tomorrow. This turned out to be a five day weekend! Of course, two of the days have completely sucked, but still! I'll take all the days off I can.
OK, it's really time to get off this computer! The wind is getting worse again and the lights are flickering!
Posted at 1:23 PM
Comments...
Permalink
......
We lost our power yesterday afternoon and didn't get it back until just this morning. This things has not been fun at all. Last night I just lay there in bed with my eyes wide open. We aren't even getting the brunt of this thing! The sound these gusts makes is horrible! I would have felt a little more at ease if it weren't for me listening to numerous reports on the radio about tornado sightings in town.
It's such strange weather. It'll be calm for a 5-10 minutes. Just a regular storm or whatever. Then these enormous gusts start blowing through and snapping the branches and causing the trees to bend every which way. It makes a terrible noise. I just hold my breath through each of these gusts and hope that the trees don't fall. We've been dealing with this for well over 24 hours at this point, and it seems like it'll still be a while longer. This thing is so damn slow. Let it be over with already!
As far as I know, there have been two deaths reported so far due to Frances in the US, and both have been here in Gainesville. So weird, especially since we haven't been near the eye. I don't know if people slacked off here because we weren't supposed to get hit so bad or if people here are just stupider. Awful!
Last night Andrew and I ate sandwiches by candlelight. Hopefully this will die down soon, because the lights are still flickering. I don't want to lose power again!
Everyone else in Florida, stay safe! We're still not out of this.
Posted at 11:58 AM
Comments...
Permalink
......
Friday, September 03, 2004
Well, I'm feeling more at ease about this hurricane now. The projected track has taken a slight jog to our south, so we won't be getting any hurricane force winds up by us. We're just expecting a very huge storm at this point. We're all stocked up on food and supplies, so I feel prepared. Plus, it's not predicted to come until Sunday, so I have all today and all tomorrow to relax. We're already planning get togethers with our friends, possibly even a hurricane party.
My parents are going to get worse than we will for sure, so I'm concerned about them, but I don't think it's going to be as bad as they were building it up to be yesterday. It seems to have weakened. Of course, all of that can change, as we know well with Charley. Still, I'm much more relaxed about this than I was yesterday. Since Monday will probably suck, I'm glad I took today off as my Labor Day.
Posted at 9:56 AM
Comments...
Permalink
......
Thursday, September 02, 2004
Ok, so nevermind. Looks like we're not going anywhere. Andrew called saying that he's freaked out about going down to Orlando. He says every person he's talked to today and said he's crazy, so he doesn't want to go. So, the two of us are just going to weather out the storm here. He's off now to gather all the supplies that are left on the shelves! This is going to be a very interesting Labor Day.
Posted at 3:08 PM
Comments...
Permalink
......
Everything is cancelled for tomorrow, so I'm heading to Orlando tonight. Everyone is looking at me like I'm crazy for heading south, but I'm going to be with my family. This whole thing is pure craziness. I'm not looking forward to this weekend at all. I'm praying this thing takes a turn somewhere and goes away.
Posted at 2:06 PM
Comments...
Permalink
......
I've never been scared of hurricanes until now. This is not looking good at all. This is going to destroy the entire state. No where to go.
Posted at 10:15 AM
Comments...
Permalink
......
Wednesday, September 01, 2004
I'm in such a mood. I feel like I'm mourning my state right now. It's so unfair that Orlando lies in the crossroads of two of the worst storms ever to hit the United States just within a few weeks of each other! I see the projection line coming right in through Vero Beach, where I had my first and only paid acting performance. $50 from a jewish synagogue my sophomore year of high school! I was so proud. We spent a weekend there once just for fun at a hotel on the beach. It was nice. Right next to it is Stuart, where my aunt and uncle now live. We've spent every 4th of July there for the past couple of years. The hurricane seems to trace it's path right along the Turnpike all the way. It crosses Orlando, my real home of 12 years and my second home of the past three and a half. Most of the memories of my life where built there. It goes up through Ocala, past all the beautiful horse farms there that I love to see. Rolling hills of green, the few this state has! Then, right up here to my town. I felt such sadness when I saw all of the trees torn up around my parents' home after Charley. I feel like this one is going to be worse. I hope I'm wrong and the weathercasters are wrong. I know it seems like it's too much to "mourn" for Florida, because I know it won't be leveled and everything will be rebuilt and it will all be life as usual in a few weeks. I just think of all these places, and it's sad to imagine such a destructive force coming through, threatening all of it. The trees around my parents house will have the scars of Charley for decades.
And I just realized that I'm also PMSing, which explains why I'm so dramatic right now. It does still suck, though.
Posted at 2:33 PM
Comments...
Permalink
......
I just let my boss know about this morning's interview. It was so awkward, but I did it. I don't think he knew quite how to react. He wished me luck. Hmm. Well, hopefully this is the first step of me getting the hell out of here. Cross your fingers and toes!!
Posted at 2:20 PM
Comments...
Permalink
......
I think my interview went very well! I think my background in the arts really helped me. I was able to emphasize that this position wouldn't just a job move, it'd be a career move. I was able to express some genuine enthusiasm for the work that they do there and how excited I would be to be a part of it. I'm feeling pretty good.
The downside is that I can't wait to hear what they decide before I let my boss know. They let me know that they will be sending him an email this afternoon out of professional courtesy since they are close departments. So basically, I have to let him know as soon as I see him. I'm a little nervous about doing this, especially since I don't know whether they'll hire me or not. I hate to stir up controversy and in the end up being stuck here after all. Oh well. Gotta build up some guts. Hopefully it will go alright.
This friggin' Hurricane Frances is really pissing me off. Go away, you bitch.
Posted at 12:29 PM
Comments...
Permalink
......
