Random Musings...
Sunday, December 17, 2006
·Didn't we just have a holiday?·
- Why does Christmas always get here so fast? It seems that the year ends in the blink of an eye once you get to Halloween. I feel like we're finally settled back into our routine after getting back from our long Thanksgiving trip and we're already leaving again on Thursday.
It's been so warm here in Rah Dyelan (That's how the natives say it!). We've been outside a lot this weekend. We've even been keeping the windows open during the day because it gets a little warm. If this is what a New England winter is like, hey, I can take it!
Speaking of adjusting to New England, it looks like we are staying here another two years. Andrew's internship loves him so much that his supervisors said that if he wants the post-doc position, it's his. That's pretty impressive considering he's not the only one on this internship! He briefly looked around at other programs, but when an Ivy League school is begging you to stay, it's hard to refuse! So it looks like little Anna is going to grow up a Northerner! Weird to think. Now we should see if we can move to a bigger place if we want an Anna Pt. 2 before we move!
Posted at 10:34 PM
Comments... Post a CommentI agree. But this year all I can say is come on Christmas!!!! With a 2 year old around I just can't wait!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Monday, December 11, 2006
·Haven't posted pictures in a while·
- I haven't posted pictures of Anna in a while, so here are some good recent ones...
Oh, and here is a video of her learning to crawl!
Posted at 9:43 AM
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Thursday, December 07, 2006
·Who am I?·
- Never did I ever imagine that I'd ever be singing pleasant lullabies to a wildly screaming infant while trying to stuff her into a snowsuit. But even crazier, something I would have never, ever believed if you had told me just a few months ago, I never thought I'd walk out in 40 degree weather and say to myself, "Wow! It's warm!" What is this?? I was born in a place where anything less than 80 is considered cold. Now half of that is warm??
I've become a northerner in a matter of months. I've driven in the snow, I've walked on the crunchy ground, and 40 degree weather is so nice I barely need a sweater! If I start saying stuff like, "It's wicked nice out," though, then I know someone must have messed with my brain.
Posted at 8:46 AM
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Monday, December 04, 2006
·A Gazillion Years Later...·
- I never would have thought I'd actually have trouble updating my blog! It's amazing how free time disappears from you when you have a baby. When she's awake, I'm mommy. When she's napping, I need to hurry up and fit in being a business owner to make money and being a housewife to get cleaning done. It seems like I can accomplish two roles, but not all three. Try to fit in anything else, and well, it's not so easy to do. So many emails to repond to, so many phone calls I should make.
I won't make a promise I can't keep to say that I'll be updating this all of the time from now on, but I'm also not going to give up on blogging. I did enjoy it, and I think it would be good for me to get some things out.
I'm past the whole "Oooh" and "Ahhh" stage of mommyhood. When she was little, the only things I had to do for her was feed her, keep her clean, gaze admiringly, and take lots of pictures. Now, she's definitely much more work. Though I don't miss the old days of sleep deprivation, it's *almost* as exhausting to keep up with her now. She is almost crawling. Like, really close. I can't just leave her on the floor, walk away, and expect to find a live, uninjured baby in the same place I left her. Sometimes she acts like all she does is try to figure out what the most dangerous thing she can do is, but really, I think her attention is really solely devoted to trying to drive me crazy.
And she is driving me crazy. Yes, she's a very active, very stubborn child, but that's not totally what I mean. I mean, like, motherhood is driving me insane. The thought of me not being a good mother terrifies me. There was so little she needed from me before. Now is when the real parenting slowly starts to creep in. I find myself constantly wondering if I'm going to "ruin" her.
Example. She has gotten fairly clingy and needy. I realize that this is because she spent the vast majority of her waking hours for months on end on my lap. My lap and no one e'se's. She was always, always on my lap. I loved being close to her, but now I'm realizing I have to break her free. I mean, everytime I had to go to the bathroom, I had a heartwrenching decision to make: leave her screaming and crying for me in her crib or bring her into the bathroom with me to sit on my lap yet some more. Ok, so I need to break her from this dependency and I have been working on this for the past two months. I have gotten much better about sitting her on the floor to play with her toys. And she is doing better. So much better, actually. I'm so thrilled to see that she can entertain herself for quite a while.
So where does the lunacy come in? Well, I'm pleased with how independent she is becoming after I pried her off of me. However, I can't stop obsessing over what I'm doing. Am I pushing her away too much? If I get closer to her again, will I spoil her? I have no idea what the balance is. I want to raise an independent child who always feels like she can depend on me. How do I find that line? It's crazy, isn't it? I'm sure that I'm not really ruining her, but it's a little scary to depend on my inexperienced intuition when we're talking about the development of the most important human being on the planet. Am I doing it right? There is no way to tell right now. I just have to cross my fingers that I have found the right balance. My mom second-guesses me, and I can't tell if I'm supposed to trust that I know what's best for my child even though I don't actually know what the hell I'm doing. I don't know. It's hard.
Wow, I could talk about this forever, but it's useless. All I do is go around in circles and drive myself further into maternal lunacy.
So anyway, in non-motherhood related news...
GO GATORS!!!!! I love how my last post was about them. I can't believe that they are going to be playing in the National Championship game!! I hate to admit it, but I'm pretty sure they'll get clobbered. Still, it'll be fun to anticipate the big game over the next month. How exciting!!
We were actually in Gainesville on Saturday to watch them win the SEC title. Andrew had to go to defend his thesis, so I went along. He passed, of course. That was his last major hurdle before being Dr.! All he has to do is finish his internship, and it's done. Finally! It seems unreal that he is actually going to graduate at some point!
And lastly...after coming home from Puerto Rico for Thanksgiving and Florida last night, this is what we woke up to this morning here...
I still can't believe I live here sometimes!!
Posted at 4:48 PM
Comments... Glad you posted I was wondering how everything was going.
You wont ruin her and trust yourself you are her mama and knows what is best for her!
Post a CommentRosalie so much of your "mommy post" rings true to me. I know JUST what it is you are saying. So much so that I even had to go get on a medication to help me deal with my "fears". You may not be that far gone, but for me it really gave me the opportunity to sit back and start to enjoy the fun stuff and calm down on all the "what if's" When you get a chance call me if you still have my toll free number. I am always here to listen. Remember I have been there...We are mothers it's ok to care this much!!!
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