Random Musings...
Monday, February 28, 2005
·Gotta Love Bodily Functions·
- My in-laws arrived on Friday evening. My dinner that night was served predictably cold as I forgot one thing after another. I'm such an idiot! They claimed not to mind the temperature of the food. Boo. We had a whole, exciting itinerary planned for them that had to be all tossed out the window thanks to a highly unusual weekend-long rain. Not just a little rain either. Oh well. We managed to have a good enough time. They'll be here through Wednesday. Hopefully I'll be able to manage to serve a good, hot meal at some point in my remaining days.
So I have been reading Dooce all morning long because everyone is posting their most embarrassing stories. It is hilarious.
Well, I have several embarrassing stories. Most of them happened years ago. I don't know if it's because I'm that much smoother now or because I don't take things as seriously anymore.
I had to get a physical done the summer between my high school graduation and freshman year of college. I used to have a regular pediatrician when I was younger, but I had been going to just a walk-in clinic whenever I was sick after I felt I was too old for one. Well, for some reason, I don't know if it was for insurance or whatever, my mom told me that I had to get a physical from my regular pediatrician who I hadn't seen in years and years and years. OK, I was 18 years old and was already fighting so bad the humiliation of having to go to a pediatrician. Since I was going to be moving out in a month, it didn't make since to sign up with a new doctor. So fine, I went. My pediatrician had joined a different group, so we went to the new office. The first thing, they tell me to pee in a cup. I go, still embarrassed and grumbling about being at a pediatrcian's office. I fill up the cup and walk out into the hallway. Right there, smack dab in front of me was one of the guys I had just graduated with!!! He looked straight in my eyes and just stood there. I was shocked, but turned down the hallway and kept walking. I was so humiliated that not only had he seen me holding a cup full of my own urine, but he had seen me at a pediatrician's office!! A minute later, I suddenly felt better. Hold on, he couldn't possibly tell anyone else this story because he'd have to admit to being in a pediatrician's office himself! Ha ha! Got him good, right? Well, when I was checking out, I looked at the name of the doctors again...one of the names, interestingly enough, was the same last night as this guy. I suddenly remembered that his dad was, in fact, a pediatrician. So there. He was visiting his dad. UGH!
The MOST embarrassing one, however, would DEFINITELY still get me today. I was recovering from a cold on the day I had to talk some of my SAT IIs. My nose was running and I was sniffly the entire time. I had packed some tissues, but halfway through it, they were just completely saturated and tattered. There was absolutely, positively no more use to be had from them. Trust me. Unfortunately, I was wearing short sleeves, so I couldn't pull off the whole sleeve move. I started using my collar, but eventually, even that got to be too much. Seriously, it was the worst episode of my entire life and here I was trying to focus on this ridiculous test that would determine the rest of my life!
Finally, I realized that there were no more resources to be had for wiping away my snot as it came down like water from an open faucet. The only thing to be down was to shut my nose down. I pretended like I was resting my head on my hand, but really, I had put my hand firmly against my nose to act like a dam. This worked for the remainder of the test, and I tried to focus on all these questions.
Finally, "Put your pencils down!" I put my pencil down and waited for my test to be collected. At this point, I figured that I could take my hand away from my nose and make it to the bathroom before things got out of control again. When I took my hand away from my face, though, there was thick, nasty, nasty snot stuck to it and the inner recesses of my head so that I had this huge, thick strand of mucus way out there. OH SHOOT! I put my hand back to my nose and had to quickly start plotting some discretion before we all had to get up and leave. I thought maybe, if I rubbed my hand across my nose, I'd break the chain, and most of it would still be inside and I could still make it to the bathroom. I tried this very quickly, but it didn't work. Not only was the snot still stuck from my hand all the way to my nose, but I had pulled it far enough away so that I got some people's attention. Oh shoot. I impulisvely tried to snap the snot bridge by yanking my hand even futher and karate chopping the snot with my other hand. HOLY HELL CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT DID NOT WORK!?! I now had a snot bridge from my nose to one hand and to the other. At this point, everyone in the room had seen my predicament and watched in silence. I had to admit defeat and just cupped both of my hands back toward my nose and ran to the bathroom in a very unsubtle way. Honestly, I have no idea what the hell was wrong with me. I have never had that problem ever before or ever since. The weirdest snot ever. It was a bridge, I tell you. Honestly, from my nose to my hand was well over a foot and then another foot to the other hand. Just one long strand. WOW.
So what are your embarrassing stories?
Posted at 9:35 AM
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Friday, February 25, 2005
·Quals·
- As I type, Andrew is in his oral defense of his qualifying exam. This is the huge mega-exam that he has been preparing for months and months. He collected all his readings, took notes, etc. all last semester, and has studied every night (even weekends!) since Christmas. I KNOW he's going to do well. He was so nervous last night, but I know that he's going to pass with flying colors. Once he gets approved by these professors and professionals, he is allowed to begin formulating his dissertation, which is the final scholastic hurdle in getting his Ph.D.
That's why his parents are coming down, to celebrate this big accomplishment. I also have an old Nintendo 64 with Mario Kart that I got him as a present. Can't wait to give it to him. He has worked so hard.
A professor's wife here gave birth to their first baby yesterday around noon. Babies are springing up all around me. Makes me jealous. It's funny. Half the people tell me not to rush into kids and enjoy married life, and half the people are pushing me. I have the same 50/50 tug-o-war myself, though lately, it's been 51-49 pro baby. Weird.
Posted at 9:55 AM
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Thursday, February 24, 2005
- Well, it's official. We're going to Italy! YAY! I'm so excited! We are going to be doing southern Italy, which I've never done in all the times I've visited (this will be my 5th!! I can't believe it!!).
We'll be starting off in Rome. We'll spend about a day and a half there since Andrew's never seen it, and then we zoom down to Sicily, then, we take a leisurely drive back along the coast, stopping at various places along the way. It sounds beautiful! So far, the stops my dad has mentioned:
Taormina
Capri
Paestrum
Pompeii
Sorrento
Soooo excited!
Posted at 2:23 PM
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- My in-laws arrive tomorrow and will be staying through Wednesday. Now, I do love my in-laws, and I'm looking forward to seeing them, but I can't help but get stressed out. Even though I feel very accepted and all, I still feel the need to impress and at least pretend for those few days that I actually have things together. Dinners are the worst. I'm used to just slopping food onto a plate and putting it on the coffee table for Andrew and I to eat as we watch TV. With the in-laws, I have to set a table. I'm talking table cloth, place mats, cloth napkins, plates, coasters, cups, wine glasses, silverware, serving dishes, serving utencils, a jug of ice water, candles...and it all has to match! On top of that, I have to cook twice as much food as I'm used to cooking. All of this set up time and double cooking really throws off my timing. Suddenly, the meat is cooked while the rice still has 20 minutes. The meals are always, always cold when I serve them because there are a million things I forget to do since I'm not used to doing them. And I have to do this five nights in a row! My in-laws have a weird thing that they don't go out to eat. It drives me crazy. If I ever suggest it, "Oh no, we'll just whip up something simple here." My mother-in-law starts off helping, but I feel like I have to be the one doing it, so I usually take over, and then I have less prep time to get the dining table looking good.
Fortunately, like I said, I love them, and I know they don't really sit there judging my every move. I just like for them to think I'm always perfect and treat my husband to candlelit dinners every night, not dinner over American Idol.
And the cleaning. I gave up on doing a thorough housecleaning yesterday. Just the first floor is going to get done. They don't have to go upstairs tomorrow. I'll be sneaky about cleaning that later.
The funny thing about all this, is that my mother-in-law is the worst cook and not a very good house cleaner. Still, I want the perfect meal and a spotless house.
Posted at 9:16 AM
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Wednesday, February 23, 2005
- The evaluators are finally here to determine whether or not they will renew our accreditation. This is the culmination of that project I had been working on since November. They'll be here through tomorrow. Fortunately, most of my work is done. At this point, all I have to do is order them fancy boxed lunches, keep ice water in stock, and produce any old records they may need from me. That, and look pretty. I picked out an extra pretty outfit today. Not super professional or anything, but I'm playing up the hot receptionist stereotype because, come on, no one takes me seriously here as a professional anyway. Actually, if someone called me a professional, I think I'd laugh on the inside.
Yesterday was the culmination of an addiction. I had sushi for lunch AND dinner. The first step is admitting I have a problem. In an effort to not continue to feel a craving for sushi after dinner, I decided to have some Chef Boyardee crap beforehand. About halfway through my two rolls, I was stuffed, but didn't want to let the delicious sushi go to waste. What ensued was a stomach ache that will live vividly in my memory for years to come. Who knew that alphabets and meatballs and raw salmon don't mix? Ugh. I still feel off. Maybe this will help curb my sushi cravings.
I'm probably just weird, but the switching to a new beauty product is always so exciting to me. Once I decide that a certain product just isn't working for me anymore, I go and carefully and painstakingly pick out a new one. I carefully read each label, compare and contrast, and partake in a lot of self-reflection. No, what I had before was crap, but this, this is the key to unlock all of my potential. Shampoos are the biggest examples of this, although I haven't had this experience in a while since finding the Pantene Classic Clean line that I have fallen in love with.
Instead, I had the experience with two different products over the course of the last few days. One, I switched mascaras this weekend. I had been using those mascaras that they throw in with the free giftbag when you buy other stuff. It had been flaking so much I was getting major raccoon eyes whenever I used it. I figured they were probably just old and I needed a new, fresh one. I naively bought one at a grocery store, and while my lashes did look wonderful as I was applying it, I got the racoon eyes again by the end of the night. I was so disappointed after all the hopes and dreams I had for it! I was duped! Now I have this whole big thing of mascara that I'll never want to wear again. Not that I wear mascara very often, but maybe I would if I didn't look like a freak each time I tried! Now I'm wondering if I should go ahead and splurge on an expensive brand again and just keep it fresh, rather than using old ones. Any suggestions on good mascara?
The second experience came this morning. I had switched bath soaps a few months ago, hoping to get softer skin. It was that Dove Exfoliating soap. I had tried it at my parents' house, and loved how it felt. It gave this wonderful little scratchy feeling. I have, however, endured a winter of dry skin. Not good. So, I finally went out and bought some moisturizing soap. I used it this morning, and so far, it feels good. I had visions in my head of skin like silk. Let's hope I'm not let down again. I found the holy grail of shampoos, so I'm thinking now that my dreams are attainable in every other department. So many hopes.
Posted at 9:02 AM
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Tuesday, February 22, 2005
- I haven't done a damn thing for my business lately, and it's really getting to me! I really wanted this thing up and running by the summer so that I could get in a full year of the business before moving away and breaking any lease I might have. I would have loved to have it going by the end of May and have it full speed by August so that I could ditch out on my job here before the new school year begins. Now, this is getting really tight. I STILL haven't been able to set up the papers, etc. with the lawyer. I'm thinking I may have to give up and get a local Gainesville lawyer, rather than the same one my dad uses for his business. I'm not expecting (hopefully) any major litigation against me or anything in the first year, so I'm sure any lawyer is competent enough to help me file the papers correctly.
It's so friggin' hard to get anything done when my job gets in the way! I have all these things outstanding, and I need to take time off to do them. Argh!
Posted at 10:43 AM
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- Andrew and I were so exhausted yesterday from lack of sleep the previous night. I was in bed before 10pm and kept falling asleep after the alarm went off this morning. I could have slept through noon, I think. I'm still tired, but I can't just lay around like I did yesterday when I get home today. We need to clean our place up for Andrew's parents who get here Friday afternoon. The place still hasn't recovered since our Super Bowl party.
I had the weirdest dream last night that I was pregnant, but after a while, I realized that I was just a surrogate mother. I was so pissed. "That's not fair! I want this baby to be mine!" Then, it turned out to be the baby of one of the older professors here, so I thought to myself, "Oh thank God. I'll just kiss her ass for a few years until she dies, then she'll leave me the baby and I can keep it from there." Wow. I'm so weird.
Damn it! A casting director JUST called and is going to be by in the next half hour to look for an actress in her mid-20's with "natural beauty" to be in a John Travolta/James Gandolfini movie being filmed in the area. Of course, I look like CRAP with wet, frizzy hair and bags under my eyes from being so exhausted from the weekend. I'm not wearing any makeup...does that count for the natural part anyway???
Unfortunately, she was talking to me and saying a Nicole Kidman type, or if it is someone with brown hair, they would prefer someone with light eyes. I wanted to be like, "Don't you want someone a little darker than that? Maybe dark hair and dark eyes? Someone more like...me?" Argh!! The torture!! Maybe my hair will settle down in the next half hour and that person will walk through the door, take one look at me, and toss her silly pre-conceived notion out the window. Yeah right.
Posted at 9:04 AM
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Monday, February 21, 2005
- Back from the weekend. We started off by taking Bobby out to his favorite restaurant on Friday. Unfortuantely, we already had to get going by lunch the next day...but not before catching Dave's silver screen premier! Woo! He was awesome! no, really! The movie is made for kids, but it's actually really good for a kid's movie. There is a part that Dave talks about his shady past, but talks about it as he's playing the guitar, and goes back and forth between singing and talking, and caps it off by singing Butterfly to the little girl....goose bumps!!! So glad he doesn't suck! Funniest part: "I brought pickles." After that, we were off to Ft. Lauderdale, but it was nice to see the fam, even if it was only for a few hours.
We got down there just in time for the rehearsal dinner. It was really nice at a gorgeous hotel where the ceremony and reception would be the next day. We went out afterward to the top of the hotel that had a revolving bar with a beautiful view of the whole city! It was great!
The next day, Andrew and I relaxed for a while and decided to head out to the beach. We didn't bring any bathing suits or anything, but we took off our shoes and walked along the sand in our bare feet as people flew kites, built sand castles, and laid out in the sun. It was so nice and relaxing. I never really crave the beach, and I always think it's because I just grew up with it and got used to it. I guess I always took it for granted, but now that I get to the beach much more rarely, I guess I got nostalgic. Something about the sea breeze blowing in my hair, the sun warming my skin, the sand between my toes, the smell of the salt and the sun block, and the sound of the waves just shot me back to a place in my heart. It was as instant as a slap in the face, and suddenly, I remembered exactly what it was like growing up as a beach bum kid. No cares in the world. Just me and the beach for hours and hours on end. It's funny how memories work. I wasn't even replaying a specific event or scenario in my head. It was like, all of a sudden, I remembered what it was like to be in my little three and a half foot body without a care in the world. Except this time, I was holding hands with my husband. Double delight. It was like that ocean breeze was blwoing straight into my brain and blowing everything heavy right out of there. It was a magical experience. Maybe we should get out to the beach more.
The wedding started before, and it was incredible. So beautiful. It was my first Jewish wedding, and I got jealous of some of the awesome traditions they have. First of all, the chuppah was GORGEOUS!! Just amazing. It was like a fairytale. All these wood branches rising up about eight feet and just COVERED in flowers...roses, orchids, everything. It was the most spectacular and whimsical thing I had ever seen. Dan walked in with his parents all giddy, and Amy walked in with hers looking more beautiful than I had ever seen her. Both sets of parts stand there in the chuppah with them and shared in the rituals. I really liked that kind of involvement, and I wish that we could have involved our families that much (and had that freakin' amazing chuppah) without ripping off someone else's religion! The breaking of the glass was cool.
The reception started off with a bang with that whole song and dance. The bride, groom, and their parents were dancing in the middle, and all of us made concentric circles around them and spun around them. Then, we stopped and clapped while they were each put up on chairs and wildly held high above the crowd. Their expressions were priceless. What a way to start a party! There were a couple of other cool traditions too. It was tons of fun. They went all out with this wedding, too! The food was great and the place looked beautiful.
The FREAKIEST thing happened last night at the hotel, though. OH MY GOD! I'm still disturbed. We didn't get to bed until a little after midnight and had to be up by 5:30am to make it back here. Well, a little before 3am, I hear a little rattling or something that kind of woke me up. Then, an OPENING DOOR! I open my eyes and see Andrew is there in bed with me!! "ANDREW! WHAT'S GOING ON?? WHAT'S GOING ON??" The door opened and let in a crack of light from the hallway until the chain latch went tight! Whoever it was messed with the door for a few more seconds, and then slammed it closed. HOLY FUCK! That was someone trying to get us!!! If we hadn't put that latch on, what would have happened??? We called the front desk, and it was the most baffling thing ever. I was expecting them to freak out like we were freaking out and say, "We'll send someone right over!" Instead, they were like, "There is no way someone was opening the door because the keys are programmed, blah blah blah." They flat out did not believe us and would not listen when we kept going, "No, SERIOUSLY! Someone tried to get into our room." Nothing. No one was sent out to check on the hallway or on us or anything. Needless to say, it took quite a bit of time to fall back asleep after that. We were already going to be short on sleep. But wow. I wonder what was going on. Was it actually someone trying to break in and get us? Was it a malfunction in the key system and some drunk person tried the wrong room and the key accidentally worked? I have no idea, but we definitely didn't BOTH make it up. Ugh! What a scary end to a good weekend! But we're back, and alive!
Posted at 1:16 PM
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Friday, February 18, 2005
- So last week, I had a bit of a pregnancy scare. No real reason for it. I just felt sick for no apparent reason. Dizzy, nauseous, and I remembered that I was two days late starting my current pack of b.c. So, I told Andrew, and we freaked out. No, timing just isn't right yet. I'd have to put my business on hold, he still had another semester of school. No, no! Can't happen.
I ran out, bought a pregnancy test, and it was negative. And you know what? I had about half a second of relief, followed by a heavy, sad feeling. While I was freaking out about being pregnant for a couple of days, I was picturing this baby in my head. Trying to figure out what I was going to do, I was seeing how the baby would fit into my life. And seeing that baby in my head, and then seeing the negative result, well, it felt very empty. And I felt like an idiot for getting depressed over results I had been hoping for. But really, it was sad to have that baby, my baby, disappear. *That* baby that would have happened will never exist, and I found myself feeling guilty for not wanting it. Because really, that baby would have made me happy. That baby would have called me mommy and draw pictures of Andrew and I holding hands with his/herself. That baby would have been in a school play. That baby would give me a hug dressed in cap and gown after receiving his/her high school diploma. It just seemed sad that I didn't want him/her when he/she would have made me so happy. I felt like such an idiot for being so melodramatic about it all. Because really, it's just not right in our current situation. We wouldn't be able to be the parents we want to be for our child right now, so we are doing the right thing. When out baby comes, I want us to be ready to be able to give that baby the best life possible.
So anyway, it was something I didn't really want to talk about until I read this post in one of the blogs I've been frequenting lately. And I got it. It felt nice to know I wasn't the only freak who felt this way. It was a very strange feeling. In any case, I am looking forward to the day that I am hoping for that positive and get it. I can't wait.
Posted at 9:56 AM
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- Yay! Thankfully, someone posted the interview!! I'm halfway through it and cracking up! I keep having to stop it whenever anyone walks by, though. I love Dave!
Update: The link has been corrected!
Posted at 9:05 AM
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- Well, I successfully taped Debra Messing's interview on Leno in it's entirety...and nothing else. Dammit!! I threw a fit this morning. I decided to make myself feel better by putting on a new, cute skirt I got for Christmas and a tank top. When I walked outside, it was the coldest day of the entire week! We were in a lovely 70 degrees all this week, and today, it's suddenly in the 40's. BOO on that! I was running too late to change, though, so here I am with frozen toes.
I bought Robert a Big Bird 1st birthday card yesterday at Target. I found the little outfit I had bought him ages ago. Khaki little overalls with a soccer ball, a baseball, and a football across the front with a cute little t-shirt underneath. He'll look so adorable! Unfortunately, it's going out today, so there's no way he'll get it by his actual birthday on Sunday, but hopefully it'll be there Monday.
I ordered Bobby a cool vintage poster for his birthday that also won't get there by the time I visit him today (obviously), so I burned him a CD last night so I don't show up empty handed today.
I didn't quite get packed last night. I got as far as picking out what dresses I'll be wearing for the rehearsal dinner and the wedding. Since it's a "black tie welcome" wedding, I'm going to go ahead and wear my super elegant black dress with a train that I wore to Jackie's wedding. Andrew isn't renting a tux, but he'll be wearing his nice black suit. I love going to weddings!
Posted at 8:11 AM
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Thursday, February 17, 2005
- Came back from lunch with the hubby. I found out that there is a great smoothie place on campus. Mmm! I just wish smoothies weren't so darn expensive, though. I'd be happy having one every day. I had one at least three times a week in college when I spent every dime I earned at my minimum wage job.
Tomorrow we leave for Orlando to celebrate Bobby's birthday. We leave from there on Saturday to head down to Ft. Lauderdale for Dan and Amy's wedding on Sunday. I'll be seeing Ashley while I'm there! Yay! This will be my first Jewish wedding. I'm looking forward to it. They are a cool couple.
Andrew's parents will be coming down to visit us next weekend, so when we get back from the wedding, it will be a cleaning frenzy to get the place looking good for their arrival! I'm so lucky to have a great mother-in-law, but I still feel the pressure to prove to her that I'm keeping a wonderful home for her boy.
Posted at 2:35 PM
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- Happy 23rd Birthday, Bobby! Wow. 23! My baby brother. Crazy how time flies! I still remember him when he was so little, he called me Wooslee. My bratty little kid self would go, "No. It's Ro-Sa-Lie!" "WOOS-LEE"
Things to remember to do today: Pick up some meds, call Bobby's favorite restaurant to make a reservation for tomorrow, call my brother to wish him a happy birthday, look for the outfit I had bought Robert for his birthday so I can get it shipped, pack, wax my legs, and watch Dave on the Tonight Show.
As I work out more and more, I find I'm less and less sore the next day after doing the same, intense exercises for the same amount of time. That's pretty nice. Though my hips and butt will always be the bane of my existence, I've been blessed with awesome abs that start looking ripped as soon as I try to do anything about them. They had gotten flabby for a bit, but now that I've gotten in gear and on a strict schedule, my six pack is rising up once again. I must say, it is satisfying as hell to actually see the results somewhere since I may never have the results I really want for the rest of myself. Accentuate the positive. My abs absolutely kick ass, no two ways about it. I will wear a bikini top with pride this summer (but will probably stick to the shorts bottoms!).
Update: Just so I don't get too full of myself, the button on my pants decided to pop!! Perfect!
Posted at 9:01 AM
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Wednesday, February 16, 2005
- I'm sick of watching the clock all of the time. I'm sick of my life revolving around 5:00. Every week day around this time, I'm done with everything and then I just wait. I find some internet games or whatever to keep my mind off the clock. With so many wonderful things in my life that make me so happy, it seems so wrong that I want nothing more than to rush through my days and weeks. Whatever happened to that live for each moment philosophy I recited every night for several months out of my life?
Do human beings ever realize life while they live it? Every, every minute?
Which reminds me, the professional theatre in town is doing Our Town. They had a rare open audition call. Having played the lead in this TWICE, believe me, I was tempted. I just wouldn't be able to since they rehearse during the day, rather than at night. I can't imagine what a dream come true that would have been. To act for money?! What a concept! It's so frustrating to hear of all these multimillion dollar movie contracts, and the grand total of what I've earned in over a decade of acting is $50. How sweet would it have been that instead of this job, I'd be rehearsing all day with professional actors in a play that holds such a dear place in my heart. Can you imagine the joy of being the lead in such a show?? I mean, I know the whole thing front and back. I could perform it tomorrow if I had to. I could get up there in that audition, and rock it out of the water. After all, I've had ten years of prep! Ah well. Too late now. I guess I'll go see it and be all jealous.
Posted at 2:58 PM
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- Apparently, John's fiancee's family are super fundamentalists. I knew this before, but now it turns out that the wedding will be completely dry and the reception will take place at the actual church. Her mom and aunt are getting so excited over planning everything, but I find myself wondering what the heck they're planning! Tea and cookies after a solemn service? I've been to weddings with cash bars, but apparently, they don't want any part at all in ANY alcohol. (Didn't Jesus turn water into wine? I don't see why the Son of God would do something evil.) My in-laws feel bad enough about this whole thing that they are throwing a post-reception party at their house that night so that there is some sort of suitable celebration. I mean, not that alcohol is a necessity for a good time, but I'm guessing a church isn't the most condusive setting for a rockin' party. Interestingly enough, her parents have no trouble attending this party. I guess they don't care about the rest of us going to hell. I'm thinking they're just cheap. (If that's the case, they should just say they're not paying and let the couple decide how they want to celebrate!) Also, John and Hannah plan on honeymooning in Napa Valley, and they are happy about it. They don't care about their daughter going to hell either with all that wine tasting, I guess, especially since it's my in-laws paying for that part too.
My mom has two born-again Christian friends, and BOTH of them have severed ties with their children. One of them had a gay son, the other ran off with her boyfriend. I don't get how fundamentalists brag about family values while rejecting homosexulaity and pre-marital sex when it causes family to break apart like this. So sad. I guess these parents would rather not have a relationship with their own children than accept their lifestyles that they don't agree with. Doesn't make sense to me, but then again, I haven't been "saved," so what do I know?
I've been asked several times whether I believe in God or whether I know Jesus. (Once actually last week!) I think this is the most insulting question I could possibly be asked. My relationship with God is always changing. Sometimes strong, sometimes weak, but it's mine, and it's personal. I don't feel it's the business of any stranger to inquire about it. I just always say yes and try to leave as quickly as possible (though this happened on a plane once!!) The thing is, the person asking doesn't really care about my answer. If I were honest, I'd say, "Well, yes, most of the time, but I have a lot of questions. Sometimes I really feel God in my life, sometimes I feel distant from Him..." blah blah blah. But see this, this is the kind of answer these people live for, because this is how they earn their points into Heaven. They have their handy dandy little illustrated booklets that are supposed to enlighten and save me for good. Then, they can go to bed that night feeling good that they did their part, not for the sake of my soul, but because they are more likely to get into Heaven now because they did the divine work of Jesus by pushing their little comic strip on me. When I answer yes, though, sometimes it's followed by a series of questions to see if I believe in the One True Way. How freaking insulting that they think they have the answer and claim to know exactly what God wants and I have no idea. Isn't that awfully presumptuous? Let's just say that Christianity is the "right" religion, doesn't it say something that there are dozens of denominations and sects that take the same exact Book and have come up with as many dozens of interpretations on the Truth?? Who is one Christian to tell another Christian that they are wrong? I just don't get it.
Those evangelicals and fundamentalists drive me crazy and do nothing more than distance me from religion. (not saying anything specifically about Hannah's parents. I don't know them, it just got me thinking on the whole topic) The only thing that keeps me coming back are the others in my life with true faith. My grandmother, my father-in-law, my uncle, some of my aunts, some friends. They have such a quiet, strong faith in them that is just so remarkable and beautiful. They have never judged me. They have always accepted me. Then, they are there for me when I have questions. Isn't that exactly what Jesus was about?? My grandmother is a very, very strict Catholic. Two of my cousins were living with their boyfriends for a few years before they got married. She never bugged them about it. She just avoided the topic. She never asked me about my intimacy with Andrew or anything. Since I had decided to wait (in the most technical of senses, but my grandmother needed no details), I felt it would make her happy to know that. She was overjoyed and confessed that she prayed for my cousins. The wonderful thing was, though, that she never treated any of us differently, and she never treated any of our boyfriends differently either. Though I don't agree with her that my cousins were living in sin, she did because of her upbringing, so she did her part as a Catholic to pray for them and her part as a grandmother to love them. My mom's friends would have done better for themselves not to have been so hard nosed about it all. Rather than winning their children back into the light, they lost them. Rather than my grandmother promoting sin, she is the one who has taught me that you can be a Christian and a wonderful person at the same time. It is because of her and people like her that I keep turning to the Bible for answers, not because of the Bible thumpers. I'm certainly not the most faithful of people, but I would like to be, and it is these people in my life that would be the ones to guide me there, not these crazy born-agains.
Posted at 9:37 AM
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Tuesday, February 15, 2005
- Ok, so I can't stop thinking about it. It was one for the history books. Not that it's not always amazing, but this...this...wow.
Unfortunately, the sequel will have to be postponed. I'm getting crampy now. Fun.
I splurged on sushi for lunch today. Made me happy! I need another trip to Dragonfly soon! I am just craving sushi ever since I first tried it a few weeks ago. I can't believe I waited this long to give it a shot when I'm normally very adventurous with food.
I haven't done a damn thing for my business since mid last week. It's getting old.
Posted at 1:29 PM
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- I'm sorry, but, I HAD THE BEST SEX EVER LAST NIGHT. Like, seriously.
Posted at 8:42 AM
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Monday, February 14, 2005
- I need for it to be 5:00. I can't believe I have a whole week of this crap ahead of me.
Another random childhood memory...
Though I lived in Puerto Rico for seven years total, we moved to Florida for two years, moved back to PR for a few years, and then came back to the States permanently. That first time moving here, I was around four or five. Though I was pretty fluent in English, there were a lot of things. I was actually challenged by certain expressions and slang for a long time. The earliest example that sticks out in my mind was once when I was playing at a neighbor's house. She and I got out of hand playing some wild game, and I accidentally ended up hurting her. She was crying and ran to her mom. Her mom was upset and asked me if I did this on purpose. On purpose? I had no idea what that meant. My first thought was purple, but that didn't make sense. I avoided answering the question, but she had me cornered and kept demanding that I answer whether or not I did it on purpose. I guessed. The "on" actually sounded like "un" to me, which I remembered meant "not." So, I figured that yes, I did it un-purpose. Next thing I know, the girl's mom grabbed me by the arm and put me in the bathroom for timeout so I could think about what I did. All I thought about was figuring out what the hell on purpose meant!! I was a misunderstood child!
Posted at 3:46 PM
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- I got my flowers! :) So pretty.
I get why everyone thinks I should hold on to my job until my business is successful, but it is the biggest pain in the ass to try to get anything done. As it stands, I still need to take another day off to meet with a lawyer to finally get registered and to meet with another distributor. That is not even counting the time I'll need to take off when it comes time to actually setting things up. I'm going to have to find a place to lease, order all the inventory, and be there for all the deliveries before I even get the actual operations going. I just don't have any vacation days to spare, even with switching over to the new employment plan here.
I currently have earned 35 hours of leave. By the first week of May, I will have 75.35 hours, but I will need to use 48 hours for the family vacation, which leaves me with 27.35. Andrew's brother is getting married at some point this summer. They are still trying to decide a date. I assume Andrew will be the best man and will want to spend several days there beforehand. That could be anywhere from three days off to a full five days off. Let's say that in late June, I'll have 54.25 hours to use, minus 40 for a week is 14.25. Andrew also has his ten year high school reunion in August. I'll be back up to 34.425 hours, and I'll need to use maybe 16, to get me back down to 18.425 hours. 18.425 hours is all the time I have to play around with from now until the end of the summer. That's just two days. (Does this mean no DMB shows this summer??)
I'm unsure how to do this. Two business days is all I have to get my business going. I can do a lot of weekend time, but there are certain things I have to do within in normal operating hours. Ugh, I know that we need this income, but I also don't know how to get to my goal from here. It's so overwhelming. I feel like I either can't pull it off without becoming extremely obvious around here making phone calls, etc., or I need to take a risk and get out of here. Both ways are so risky. I'm going insane.
Posted at 12:38 PM
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- I realize that award shows are terrible, but I just always get excited about them. Last night's Grammies were pretty boring. John Mayer, who I actually can admit to liking quite a bit, won for best song for my LEAST favorite song he's ever done. The song makes my skin crawl. Just really rubs me the wrong way for some reason. When they were announcing the nominees, I was shocked that it was even in the running. When it won, I think he was as shocked as I was. *Gag* Speaking of gagging, no J.Lo and Mark Anthony's wasn't any better when you understood what they were singing. Still, I watched the Grammies to the very end. Didn't enjoy much of it, but I still can't wait for the Oscars in two weeks!
For some reason, the knuckles on my right hand have been dry and cracking. Just the knuckles, just the right hand. Weird. It's actually pretty painful. When I put lotion on it to try to moisturize, it stings like hell because there a million microscopic cracks. Ugh. Don't know what's wrong. For a while, I thought it was because of the car heater drying me out, since my hand sits right in front of the vent there, but now I'm wondering if it's some weird skin problem. Hmm.
We saw Finding Neverland yesterday. Very sweet movie. I love Johnny Depp.
I think I messed up my right hip on Saturday at my abs and glutes class. When doing all these different leg exercises with my left leg, I could tell that I had my supporting right leg at a funky angle. Now my hip still hurts. Yesterday, my muscles were slightly sore, but today, it's only the hip pain. Damn. Again, it's only the right side.
This is a very fragmented post, but I don't care.
So today is Valentine's Day. I've never really been one to care much about the date. I attempted to be more conventional about it last year, and it only led to problems! So, we're back to not caring so much. I'm wearing a new pair of pink panties right now, but that's about the extent. Andrew let me know that this month's flower installment was coming today, rather than a random day. I'm happy.
Speaking of happiness, I heard an interesting story on NPR this morning. An economist at Dartmouth did a study on the relationship between money, love, and happiness. He attempted to quantify things like love and happiness in terms of money, and found a correlation. He said that being married adds the same amount of happiness than an extra $100,000 of yearly income would add. I'm rich! I was also pleased to find out that I have more sex than the average American, and more sex equals more happiness. So, I'm an very happy person. :)
Posted at 9:19 AM
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Friday, February 11, 2005
- I've been very depressed lately about my acne scars. Well, lately, more like forever. I just feel like I've come to my wits end about it lately, because while I was younger, I always assumed they would go away. They haven't gone away. More than just the red spots I used to hate, I'm noticing actual craters now that I seem to have ignored in the meantime. Some lights really make me look awful, like the light in the bathroom here at work. I feel like puking every time I look at myself. They ruin me. I think I could be so much more attractive if I only had a smooth face. I think it's also why people assume I'm a teenager. What married, working woman has all those zits, right? God, it just makes me sick.
I've been considering those laser treatments to lessen their appearance. The only thing that has prevented me from seriously looking into it is that it's pretty expensive and I STILL get zits. I wouldn't want to waste all that money, only to ruin myself again by the time I'm 30. I don't know. It may be worth making an appointment with a dermatologist anyway. I'm sick of this.
But for now, it's the weekend! YAY!
Posted at 4:31 PM
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- Today is the premier of the movie I shot last spring. I don't think I posted anything about it after I watched the DVD. I am, unfortunately, pretty disappointed in it. I don't think it's going to be aired on PBS or anything. Well, I'd be surprised if it was, anyway. The movie itself was not bad in that the camera and audio were good quality. It looked like a real movie. Two of the main actors, though, were just awful. It's too bad. The main old woman was supposed to be played by someone I had worked with before. She was an amazing actress (even if she was a bitch) and even taught acting in New York for over 30 years. A few weeks before the shoot, however, she dropped out of the project. The director went with another woman who auditioned instead. She was HORRIBLE!! She was a great person, but wow, she couldn't act AT ALL. I hate to say it, but she ruined the entire movie. She is in half the scenes, so everything just seemed so amateurish. The other young male lead wasn't great, but I could have lived with it if the old woman hadn't been so BAD. I mean, she was REALLY bad. I'd be amazed if anyone could watch the movie and not be distracted by how horrible she was. I feel bad talking like this, because I loved working with her, but wow. My first real movie, going no where. :( Oh well. That's how it goes. I'll be going to the premier tonight to watch it anyway and support it. And hey, I still get to see myself on a big screen.
Oh yeah, my performance! It was ok. Nothing to write home about. If you get up to go to the bathroom in the middle, you'll miss me. I have no close-ups or anything. I am, however, encouraged by how natural I seemed. One of the things that is hardest for a stage actress to do on camera is to tone everything down. I struggled in all of my acting for the camera classes, because everything I did was too theatrical. Great in the theatre, but not great on film. Anyway, I kept repeating all of the matras I had learned in all of these classes and really, I did it. Of course, I didn't have all that much material to cover, but still. I was pleased that I walked into a scene without looking like I was hitting a mark and said my lines like a real person would say a sentence. Go me. Small accomplishment. Hopefully my next project will have more meat to it and will go farther.
Posted at 8:50 AM
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Thursday, February 10, 2005
- One thing I have been blessed with is a very good memory. Of course, I forget things here and there (especially items on a mental to-do list, mostly because it's usually something I don't want to do), but usually, my memory is quite good. I still remember entire monologues, sonnets, and pieces of dialogue I performed a decade ago and I remind Andrew of everyone's names. The most fun part, however, is how far back my memory goes. I remember many events in my childhood. Sometimes I ask my mom about certain things, and she is surprised to realize that I was probably only three at the time. The funniest aspect of it all, though, is that I remember all of these events through the eyes of a child, which is very different than how I experience things now. I remember all of my childhood memories with elements of magic and cartoonish qualities.
The best example of this are memories from my Kindergarten class. My mom, being a diligent stay-at-home mom, had already taught me to read, write, and count in two different languages on her own before I got to school. Consequently, I was rather bored in class if we weren't doing any arts and crafts. I developed a bad habit of talking in class and engaging in other disruptive activities. I'm not sure a week went by that I wasn't sent to the corner. Rather than feel bad for what I was doing, I remember really resenting the teacher. Eventually, I found my own little activities to keep me entertained in the corner since I wasn't paying attention to the class anyway. I remember all of the colorful cutouts on the wall, the green industrial carpet, the wood paneling.
The most interesting part of the whole ordeal, however, is that the corner I was sent to was the corner where the door to the adjacent classroom was. Occassionally, the teacher from next door would come in through there to ask the teacher a question or whatever. This had never happened while I had been in the corner so far. I happened to be looking in that direction once when it happened, and a golden idea came to mind. It seemed to me that if I was in the corner, I'd either be squashed against the wall like a pancake with the door swinging open, or I could be banged in the head with it and see the stars swirling around my head. I courageously determined that, while potentially painful, the punishment Mrs. Long would endure would make it all worthwhile. So began my little plot to get Mrs. Long back for humiliating me for sending me to the corner. From then on, every time I was there, I sat there rehearsing the scenario in my mind. I could picture it. The door would swing violently open, but I'd be ready for it, jumping back mirroring the tremendous force, yelling out with a pathetic howl, and landing on the floor as a lump of a helpless child. The teacher from next door would then look at Mrs. Long with her piercing eyes and proceed to wail like a banshee at her. Oh, it was delicious to picture her standing up to Mrs. Long, their faces just inches apart and her chastizing so deafening I couldn't even make out what she was saying in my own head. Mrs. Long's face was filled with horror as she shrank onto her knees before finally bolting out of the room like the Roadrunner, leaving behind a cloud of dust. The lovely teacher from next door would then pick me up and take her to her own class where I would never be put in the care of the negligent Mrs. Long again.
I rehearsed this in my mind endlessly. Every single time I was there, I'd run through it all in my head. But time after time, it never happened. I was so looking forward to it, that I was almost disappointed when Mrs. Long would ask me to join the class again. One day, after what in my memory seems like months and months later, the unthinkable happened. There I was in the corner, daydreaming of Mrs. Long's long-awaited comeuppance, when I realized that the door was actually opening!! I was so shocked, I could barely react. Quick, what was I supposed to do again??? Instead of the very dramatic scenario I had pictured in my head over and over, I could do nothing more than roll over onto my side. The door never even touched me. I looked up to see the teacher from next door look down at me quickly, and then over to Mrs. Long to ask a question. And then she left. That was it. She barely even noticed my lame attempt at revenge. That was it. My plan had failed, and Mrs. Long would never be punished for being such a mean teacher. I was heartbroken.
Mrs. Long and I never saw eye to eye. Another shining example of how she was out to get me was one day at lunch. Rather than a cafeteria, the class went to another room and all ate around a table. There was a really obnoxious girl there with her hair all coming out of her ponytail. She was chewing across from me like a cow with her mouth smacking open. It was driving me crazy until I finally informed her that she should chew with her mouth closed. "Nuh uh," she told me. "Yes, you should! Look at Mrs. Long!" I said, assuming that any self-respecting adult would be able to confirm what I knew to be true. I looked over at her as I pointed to her. She looked at me, opened her eyes real wide, and began to chew with her mouth open with such exaggeration, obviously mocking me. All the kids began to laugh, and then she chuckled, pleased with her performance. I was so humiliated and horrified. It felt like the laughing was so loud and would never end. I wanted to run away.
It's funny to think back on all these memories and remember how deeply I felt everything and how much bigger-than-life everything was. It's funny to really, really watch kids and watch them think, because I remember doing and thinking similar things. It's interesting to think back to a time when there was no line between reality and fiction. I remember looking for Care Bears in the clouds on every plane ride. I remember believing one of my friends when she told me the rollerskating cat from the junkyard on Heathcliff was her neighbor. I remember thinking that if I closed my eyes tight enough, that I could fly like Peter Pan. I find myself thinking back on a lot of my memories, not only because of the events themselves, but because it's interesting to remember how I perceived everything back then. Everything was like a dream.
Posted at 3:15 PM
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- I know I talk about it a lot, but I'm so thankful of my relationship with Andrew. I was just reading about this woman whose husband cheated on her and now she wants to check out his computer because apparently he's been visiting some adult chat sites even after the counseling. It makes me wonder what the hell she is fighting for.
Andrew is by no means perfect, just as I am not perfect. We have our fair share of spats. (One larger "spat" a few days ago that I don't even want to get into!) But never have I ever wondered about him or about us. I try to envision what would cause us to ever divorce, and it's hard to picture. We would have to become hugely different people for that to ever happen. We would have to make so many uncorrected mistakes along the way to get that far. I hope we never get that complacent in our relationship.
Posted at 1:32 PM
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- Still feeling a little sick, but I'm here anyway. Bleh. In usual sick fashion, I whipped up a fantastic meal last night. Pad Thai. It was delicious! Andrew was extremely impressed. I started off with one of those boxes that comes with the rice noodles and sauce, but I only used half of the sauce and improvised the rest with the appropriate spices and then added beef, eggs, broccoli, and crushed peanuts. It was amazing, if I do say so myself.
Andrew's been so super busy since the new year. The first part of his qualifying exam is finally going to be tomorrow. I'm so looking forward to it, because it means I can have my husband back! Even though he has been home for most of the time I've been home, he's studying for most of that time. Even for our favorite TV shows, he brings down his notes and studies them during commercials, which means I need to be quiet. He has the oral defense part in two weeks, but he'll be taking a small break in studying between Friday afternoon and then. Yay!
Robert is going to be one year old in ten days. I so clearly remember getting the call that he was born. I started crying. It just seemed so miraculous that my cousin who I grew up with brought another human being into the world. I instantly fell in love with this baby who I had never seen. I still think about him every day. He fascinates me. It's amazing that I've only seen him four times ever, but that my feelings for him are so strong. I can only imagine what it would feel like to have a miracle of our own. I can not wait for that day when I finally get to look in our own baby's eyes.
Andrew and I are in a very comfortable place financially. I'm really proud of the way we have saved and invested on our modest incomes. We are very stingy, but we still own a townhouse that is very spacious for just the two of us. We eat well, dress decently, and have most every gadget we would want. With the exception of the month of December with all the Christmas gifts and the heater fiasco, our bank account grows noticeably each month. Two or three times a year, we make a large chunk of it disappear into our investment accounts that we vow never to touch until the time is right. I find myself wondering when that right time is exactly. Is that for our retirement? For our kids college tuition? For me to be able to be a stay-at-home mom for the first few years of our children's life? For me to be able to start the business? What is the appropriate use?
The business is one idea that hasn't ever really been brought up, but of all the options we've ever talked about, it's the only one that actually uses our investment money toward a potentially more significant investment. It sounds like my dad would consider giving me an interest-free loan to get me off my feet (I've never had any financial assistance from my parents since the day we were married, so I would never want just a cash gift), but as of right now, everyone's advice has been to stick with this current job until my business really starts moving. What I find myself wondering, however, is how I'm going to give that business a fair shot when ten hours out of every weekday are taken out for this job? What if it doesn't really go anywhere at first, but it's because I haven't been able to launch the type of marketing campaign it would need due to time limitations? It's also frustrating how slow this entire process of getting it started has been. I still haven't been able to meet with a lawyer because I'm going to need to take time off from here to meet. I also need to meet with another equipment manufacturer two hours away, which is another day off I need to take. All I've done up until this stage is research. What will I do when it comes time to find a space to lease, time to furnish the place, stock up an inventory, build the website, etc., etc.? I so wish I could quit my job in another month or two when things are set up to really push up my sleeves and dig into this thing. I'm sick of daydreaming about this. I want to go with it, and I want to go with it soon.
Posted at 9:14 AM
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Wednesday, February 09, 2005
- Man, my day at home, and Oprah is one of those celebrity shows today. I like it when she has the tearjerker inspirational stuff with joe schmoes instead. Oh well. Time to meet the cast of Everybody Loves Raymond, I suppose.
The one productive thing I did today was that I was home to receive a call from the laser machine distributor. Got down to some nitty gritty stuff, so I've got some actual numbers to crunch now. Looks like I might be able to swing it, but I'm going to look at another company just in case. Feeling good about all that.
So, this morning I was watching Baby Story and it suddenly hit me. I've been thinking so much about having kids lately, but this morning, I suddenly thought for the first time, "I'm ready." I mean, I have a ton of cravings, but for the first time I felt like I would actually be ready to start trying. However, we need to get the rest of our life in order. I'm thinking, though, if this new business works out, I'd love to be able to start trying then. I mean, really. Weirdness. I'm old. I also find myself wondering if John and his fiancee will have babies quickly so that my babies can have cousins. I'm going to have to feel them out. ;)
Ok, time to sit and waste away some more.
Posted at 4:00 PM
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- Staying home from work today sick. As soon as the alarm went off this morning, I knew I wasn't getting out of bed any time soon so I rolled over right then and left a voice mail that I would be in mid-morning or noonish. Every hour or so, I'd wake up and contemplate getting up. I'd get to the point of sitting before falling back into my pillow again. Once, I even got up and made it to the bathroom, but turned right back around. Finally, I just called in and asked if I was being missed before I made a monumental effort to get out there.
I feel like I swallowed a baseball.
Posted at 10:47 AM
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Tuesday, February 08, 2005
- I'm getting sick. I have felt off for a few days now and was wondering what it was. Finally, I woke up with a sore throat this morning. Ick.
For some reason, though, when I'm feeling sick, I make amazing meals. I don't get it. It takes all the effort in the world to peel myself up the couch, but once I'm standing there in the kitchen, I go into a cooking frenzy. Last night was amazing, if I do say so myself. Jerk chicken, black beans and rice, and plantain chips. The black beans were out of this world. Wow. Best batch I've ever made. Not a single measuring spoon in sight, either. A dash of this, a few spoonfuls of this, and voila, amazing beans. I'm so glad I made extra to enjoy later.
I called John last night to congratulate him. I really am happy for him. I'm going to have to kick myself into a different attitude next time I see the girl, because she really has made him so happy. Nothing wrong with that. I just can't believe how fast they've moved! They only met in August, and they're already planning a July wedding. Wow! They won't have even known each other a year before they're married! When it's right, it's right, though. If our situation had been different, Andrew and I could have gotten engaged a few months in as well. Doesn't matter in the long run when you *just know.*
No alcohol at the wedding, though. Boo! Her parents are very fundamentalist, so John is already taking about a post-wedding reception party!
A sad bit of news, my old dog Duke (the Sheltie, all the way to the right) is not doing so well. He is about 12 or 13, but lately he just seems in such bad shape. He's been slow for a couple of years now, but when I was just there this weekend, he took a sudden turn and was limping around or just not getting up at all. My brother took him to the vet yesterday, and they did an x-ray. It turns out he has some degenerative bone disorder that is causing some of his hip bones to overgrow and some to undergrow. The result is very painful and debilitating. Now, a decision has to be made. He is on some anti-immflamatories to keep the pain down, and he's moving around again, but for the long-term, he might need surgery, or perhaps be put to sleep when he becomes immobile. I don't know that my parents are going to go for surgery on an old dog if it's too expensive. Ugh. I just about cried last night. I don't even want to think of it anymore. Poor Duke. He's such a sweetheart.
Posted at 8:21 AM
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Monday, February 07, 2005
- My dad is STILL miserable. At some point he is supposed to get better. It's just coming a lot slower than expected. Sucks.
Our party last night was a success. (Pics here) We had fewer people show up than RSVPed, but it was still a good time. The place looked great, if I do say so myself. I bought all sorts of SuperBowl and football themed decorations. Notice the football shaped lights along the top of the sliding glass door?? :)
Andrew's brother called last night also to announce that he got engaged on Saturday. Umm. Wow. I don't even know how to feel about this. The good part of me is thrilled because he has found such a wonderful girl. So happy. But then, the bad part of me is thinking, "Damn, now I have to put up with her annoying voice for the rest of my life." Man, I suck. I'm going to force myself to get used to her and like her, because she really is a very nice person. I'm very happy for John.
Posted at 9:27 AM
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Friday, February 04, 2005
- I'm here in Orlando. I arrived last night to find my dad feeling down, but ok considering. I got up early this morning to head down to Winter Haven to meet with the equipment people by myself (*gulp*) when all of a sudden...my dad got scheduled for an 11am surgery! Argh! I wanted to turn around, but my dad urged me to go, so I did.
And really, I'm glad I did. The guy I met with was really great. And actually, it was not a sales meeting at all. I guess I kind of misunderstood the purpose of the meeting, but it ended up being way better than I expected. This guy I was meeting with was nothing more than an owner of one of these machines who runs a signage business. He told me flat out that he wasn't a salesperson and didn't know a lot of things about financing, leasing, etc. All he really did was show me how to operate the machine. It looked really easy, actually. The hardest thing about it, he said, was that there was a learning process for each new material or design concept he has tried to work with. After he has worked it out, all he does is save it, and the next time he does it takes him less than a minute to set up. It was great to see this machine in action and to see all the different things he can do with it. When I arrived, they were in the middle of creating an order for a spa. They were producing some signs in granite. He told me that the machine was really expensive, but worth it, because this spa alone had been the source of $64,000 last year! Not bad! It made me consider actually going into his business! LOL
I'm glad I went, because I feel I have a much better idea of what the production aspect of all of this is going to be like. I'm still going to look into another laser producer that isn't quite as top-of-the-line as this one, but might be good enough for my plans. I'm pretty excited. At first I was a bit overwhelmed by the elaborate, industrial setting of it all. Once I got used to it, and one I pieced together what a few of the words he was using meant, then I got more comfortable and could really see myself doing this.
The meeting with the lawyer ended up not happening, but that's ok. I'm going to try and set up some sort of phone appointment and try to get things going that way.
I had lunch at a sushi restaurant with Lane since her house is really close to the hospital where my dad was. I was so proud when I kind of remembered how to get to her house once I got to my usual path for getting there. I haven't been there in ages! It was nice to see her. It's been too long.
We're all back home now. My dad is asleep recuperating. He has to go back for another procedure on Wednesday, but hopefully he'll be ok after that.
Posted at 5:12 PM
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Thursday, February 03, 2005
- Well, my dad is not feeling too well right now, needless to say. Apparently, there was a stone that has now left the kidney, and is on its way out. From what I've heard, though, this is the only pain that rivals childbirth. At this point, my dad has gone into labor more times than my mom. :\ It's still good news, though. For a while, they were concerned that they'd have to do surgery since this stone is so big. They tried to break it up a few times before.
So now, I'm left wondering what I'm going to do about tomorrow. My dad was going to come with me to my appointments to help me out, give me pointers, and lend me some credibilty. Now, it doesn't look like he'll be able to come. I don't know what to do. I'll still meet with the lawyer if I can. I think that's something I can probably figure out on my own. The part that freaks me out completely is meeting with the equipment people. I have no idea how to talk about any technical stuff or financial stuff.
In all the literature I read on these machines, it goes into all this stuff on wattage and output and all this stuff I have NO idea about. Honestly, I can't tell whether or not I'm able to just plug it into a wall of if it needs to be wired by an eletrician or what. Will I look like an idiot asking that question since it's probably obvious to anyone else reading the electrical requirements?? Also, it says it needs an exhaust. So what does that mean I have to do? Do I need to have a big industrial vent with a fan built in somewhere, or do I just attach a hose and have it go out the window? Seriously, I have no idea. I feel like they are not going to take me seriously at all.
And then, when I talk about financing and leasing options, wow. I know just as little. They are going to throw all these terms at me, and I'm going to have to pretend I know what they mean. I had to deal with that with the mortgage people, but fortunately, Andrew is sharper than I am at numbers, so I just tuned them out and let my man make the decision. Ugh. I feel so vulnerable. I know it's about time I grew up and if I'm serious about making this business mine, that I need to learn and deal with difficult issues. I really wasn't planning on just depending on others forever,though. I promise. I just felt like I needed this once to see my dad in action so I could learn about what to look for, how to negotiate, etc. I just feel so underprepared for tomorrow. I don't know what to do.
Posted at 10:35 AM
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Wednesday, February 02, 2005
- I just got a call from my mom. Yesterday my dad had to come home because he had pain in his kidneys. He's had kidney stones over the last several years. One of the worst days of my life was my dad's 40th birthday my senior year of high school. That was the morning my dog Frosty died right next to my bed while I slept. When I came home from a very rough day at school (which involved spontanous bursts of heaving sobs), there was a note on my door telling me to go to the neighbors. My dad had to be taken to the hospital for kidney stones. Horrible day.
Anyway, there's something going on with them again now. He's in a lot of pain, is bleeding, etc. They're about to do a CT scan on in him in about an hour. I hope everything turns out ok! :(
Posted at 1:50 PM
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Tuesday, February 01, 2005
- So glad Andrew came up with a name. It's really grown on me. At first I thought maybe it was too clunky sounding for a business name, but I love it now. I can't believe how hard it was to come up with a name. Everything was either too gushy and sentimental or too literal and boring. Expressions by Design was perfect, but now this I like. Forms of Expression. It's got a slight amount of double entendre going on, being both a familiar phrase and describing my products as forms of expressing something to whoever you're giving it to. Like it. And I can't believe formsofexpression.com wasn't taken! I registered it last night so excitedly. It's now mine! I'm considering also buying formofexpression.com, formsofexpressions.com, and/or formofexpressions.com for anyone who may not get the name quite right to be redirected. Not sure. Fortunately, it doesn't cost very much at all to do that. I'll have to think if that's worth it or not. I always appreciate when a site redirects me when I've gotten the name wrong, like I always try usair.com instead of usairways.com.
Friday is a big day. I'm taking the day off of work and heading down to Orlando. I'm going to meet with the equipment distributors in Winter Haven, which is about a half hour outside of Orlando, and then I'm going to meet with an attorney to register the business officially. I had set February 1 as my deadline back in late November, but I'm going to chalk this up as a victory for me, considering I have all the appointments set up already.
I know it's ridiculous how proud I am of myself for all of this, but I'm typically such a procrastinator and so disorganized. I'm so happy that I've really taken this seriously. I'm actually really excited about this business. If I can get the finances to work, I can see this being "my thing." Every morning, I wake up, and the first thing I think about is this busines, and I come up with all sorts of ideas. The most fun thing is that since I'd be manufacturing each individual item myself and have no store front, I can come up with a hundred different designs. All it would cost me is the time to design it and the cost of creating one single item to photograph. If I come up with a design no one is interested in buying, I don't have a whole inventory of them sitting around. If I have a design that really takes off, I can create them as the orders come in. All I need is to save the image on a CD and run it through when someone wants it. I love that. I really love that I can just play around with a million different ideas. Every day I have a dozen new ideas.
Once I have an exact quote from the equipment manufacturer, I need to sit down and really calculate things out. I really hope I'm able to afford this top of the line. If not, I'll need to work my way up, but I'd love to start at the highest quality so that I establish the brand from the get go.
Posted at 9:36 AM
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